DAILY CHRONICLE #6 VOL 9

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 6 VOL 9

APRIL 6^TH 2008

WEATHER, NICE, LOW HUMIDITY, 51/80 DEGREES

ANSWER TO POP QUIZ; HE, AS GEORGE M. COHAN HAD JUST BEEN AWARDED “THE CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR” BY PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT.

POP QUIZ; WHAT WAS SIGNIFACENT ABOUT THIS AWARD?

WE PICKED UP CHARLEEN LATINIS AND WENT TO 9:30 MASS, WHILE AT MASS I SUDDENLY REALIZED I HAD LOCKED THE KEYS I THE CAR. I ASKED MOM IF SHE HAD HER SET AND SHE CHECKED AND DIDN’T HAVE THEM, SHE HAD CHANGED PURSES AND LEFT THE KEYS IN THE OTHER ONE!

COLLEEN AND DICK WERE AT MASS SO I ASKED DICK WHAT THEY HAD DRIVEN TO CHURCH AND HE SAID THE NISSAN PATHFINDER SO I ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD TAKE US HOME TO GET MOM’S KEYS AND HE SAID HE’D BE GLAD TO! IF THEY WOULD HAVE DRIVEN THE KIA I DON’T THINK WE ALL COULD HAVE GOTTEN IN IT! ONE THING ABOUT DICK, YOU NEVER KNOW JUST WHAT HE’S GOING TO DRIVE? WHEN THEY TOOK US TO DINNER LAST NIGHT IT WAS IN THE LINCOLN TOWN CAR!

KELLY AND GLENDA INVITED US TO ANDREAS BIRTHDAY COOK OUT SO WE GOT ANOTHER FREE MEAL! WE HAD TO TAKE CHARLEEN BY DEBIES TO GET HER TAX PAPERS FOR MOM TO FINISH FILLING OUT AND SENT IN SO SHE’LL GET THE SUPPLEMENTAL PAYMENT! ALL THIS TIME WE’RE RUNNING ON THE BATTERY, OF COURSE WE DON’T RUN ANYTHING MORE THAN THE IGNITION AND TRANSMISSION, TURN SIGNALS AND STOP LIGHTS! IT SURE IS A GOOD BATTERY IT’S A FIVE YEAR WARRANTEE WITH NO CHARGE IN THE FIRST TWO YEARS IF IT FAILS! I PUT THE LITTLE BLUE CHARGER ON IT FOR 6-8 HOURS AT 8-10 AMPS! SO, THAT’S WHY WE DIDN’T GET BREAKFAST, WE HAD TO TAKE CHARLEEN HOME! I’M ONLY KIDDING, IF WE WANTED TOO WE COULD HAVE STOPPED FOR BREAKFAST BUT I OPTED NOT TO PRESS MY LUCK ON STOPPING AND STARTING!

SHANNON CALLED TONIGHT AND TOLD MOM SHE TOOK THE BACK OFF THE STERIO AND GOT THE DISC OUT KONNER HAD STUCK IN THE SLOT SO NOW SHE HAS HER STERIO BACK WORKING! IT’S SUPRISING WHAT YOU CAN DO WHEN THE NEED/WANT ARISES.

HAVEN’T HEARD FROM KERRY OR MIKE THE ONLY TIME I TALK TO MIKE IS WHEN I CALL HIM TO GET HIS OPINION ON SOMETHING! KERRY CALLS AND TALKS TO US WHILE HE’S DRIVING, I GUESS HE CAN’T TALK FROM THE OFFICE WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS HE HAS TO ANSWER! HE CALLED ME FROM THERE ONE DAY AND BY THE TIME WE FINISHED OUR TALK HE HAD BEEN INTERUPTED 4-5 TIMES SO, NOW HE CALLS FROM THE CAR!

WE’LL SURE BE GLAD TO GET THE INTREPID ON THE ROAD, I HAVE SOME THINGS I NEED TO DO TO IT AS FAR AS THE INTERIOR AND FRONT AND REAR BUMPERS, THEY’RE NOT RIPPED, JUST SCRAPED UP SO I’M GOING TO SAND THEM DOWN AND REPAINT THEM! THERE ARE A FEW SMALL DENTS IN THE BODY METAL I CAN REMOVE WITH MY “HAIL DENT PULLER”, NONE OF THEM HAVE CRACKED THE PAINT SO IT SHOULD BE OK TO JUST PULL THEM OUT! I’VE GOT TO GET A RADIO FROM R&D AND A SET OF HUB CAPS AND THAT SHOULD DO IT! I TRIED THE A/C WHEN I FIRST GOT IT STARTED BUT ALL IT DID WAS BLOW WARM SO I FIGURED IT WAS A JOB FOR MIKE! LAST FRIDAY I HAD IT RUNNING AND FOUND THE A/C RELAY AND TAPPED IT, THE CLUTCH CLOSED AND IT STARTED COOLING, IT GETS COOL BUT NOT COLD SO I’LL PUT SOME 134A IN IT AND THAT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF THAT LITTLE PROBLEM! EVERYTHING ELSE SEEMS TO BE WORKING FINE EXCEPT FOR THE TRANSMISSION AND I HOPE THAT’LL BE TAKEN CARE OF SOON! I’M NOT SURE IF TIM TOLD ME THE FRONT BRAKE PADS NEED TO BE REPLACED, IF SO WE’LL DO THAT WHEN THEY DO THE TRANSMISSION! I FOUND PAPER WORK WHERE THE REAR SHOES AND DRUMS WERE REPLACED ABOUT 10,000 MILES BACK SO THEY SHOULD BE OK!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #5 VOL 9

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 5 VOL 9

APRIL 5^TH 2008

WEATHER; NICE, LOW HUMIDITY, 00/00 DEGREES

ANSWER TO POP QUIZ: “JAMES CAGNEY” SAID THESE WORDS IN THE 1993 VERSION OF YANKEE DOODLE DANDY TO PRESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT!

POP QUIZ; WHAT WAS THE OCASSION THAT PROMPTED JAMES CAGNEY TO SAY THESE WORDS TO PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT?

WE MIGHT HAVE COME UP WITH A SOLUTION FOR OUR PROBLEM WITH THE COMPUTER FOR OUR 91’ ACCLAIM! THE ALTERNATOR IS ACTUALLY THE SAME AS THE ONES USED IN THE EARLY MODEL CHRYSLER PRODUCTS EXCEPT FOR THE PHYSICAL APPEARANCE! IN THE ONE ON OUR 91’ ACCLAIM THE ALTERNATOR FIELDS ARE ENERGIZED BY THE COMPUTER! WHAT I PROPOSED TO DO IS INSTALL A VOLTAGE REGULATOR FROM THE EARL MODEL CHRYSLERS AND ENERGIZE THE FIELDS WHEN I TURN ON THE IGNITION SWITCH! THIS MAKES THE CHARGING CIRCUIT COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT OF THE COMPUTER AND LETS THE ALTERNATOR KEEP THE BATTERY CHARGED WHICH IS ALL I NEED ANYHOW! THE COMPUTER WILL STILL CONTROL ALL THE OTHER THINGS IN THE CAR WITHOUT THE CHARGING SYSTEM BEING IN THE MIX! I’LL MAKE THE CHANGE MONDAY AFTER I GO TO R&D TO GET THE TRANSMISSION JUSTIN IS GOING TO GIVE ME AN OLD VOLTAGE REGULATOR! THE PARTS STORE WANT $48.43 FOR ONE! WOW, I USED TO BUY THEM FOR $1.19 WHEN I WAS IN THE BUSINESS, TALK ABOUT INFLATION AND, I’LL BET THE ONE THEY QUOTED ME WAS MADE IN CHINA!

COLLEEN AND DICK TOOK US TO “SPRINGCREEK” BARBQUE IN DALLAS (I THINK) TO DINNER FOR OUR BIRTHDAYS WHICH ARE NEXT MONDAY (ME) TUESDAY (MOM)! WHICH WE THOUGHT WAS  NICE THEM! IT WAS KIND OF A QUICK THING, I WAS WATCHING “BROKEN TRAILS” WITH ROBERT DUVAL AND MOM CAME IN AND SAID WE HAD ABOUT AN HOUR TO GET READY, I WAS ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATE, I DON’T MOVE TO FAST ANYMORE! 

BOY, COLLEEN SURE LIKES HER JOB, SHE JUST GOT VOTED “EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH” AND GOT ALL KINDS OF GIFTS INCLUDING CASH! I CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE COMPANY BUT THEY SURE KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR EMPLOYEES! SHE HAS TO FINISH HER PROBATION BEFORE THEY CAN HIRE HER ON AS A PERMANENT EMPLOYEE! FROM ALL THE ACCOLADES SHE’S GOTTEN I DON’T THINK THERE WILL BE ANY PROBLEM BUT LIKE DICK SAYS; “DON’T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY’RE HATCHED!” AND SHE ISN’T, SHE’S JUST DOING THE BEST JOB SHE CAN AND LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY WILL!

THE JAPANESE WERE THE ONES WHO STATED AFTER THE WAR; “WE’LL TAKE YOU OVER WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT”. IT LOOKS LIKE THE CHINESE WILL BE THE ONES DOING IT! ACCORDING TO ALL I HAVE HEARD ON TV, WE’RE IN DEBT TO THEM FOR ALMOST A HALF A TRILLON DOLLARS! IF WE SCREW UP JUST ONCE REAL BAD AND THEY CALL THEIR MARKER IN WE’RE IN DEEP CACA!

I HEARD A GENERAL FROM THE PENTAGON TALKING THE OTHER DAY ON CNN AND HE SAID; “WE DON’T HAVE ANYMORE TROOPS TO SEND TO IRAQ OR AFGANISTAN! IF A THIRD SITUATION SHOULD DEVELOP WHERE WE WOULD NEED TROOPS WE DON’T HAVE THEM! THEIR EQUIPMENT IS WORN OUT, THE VEHICLES ARE WORN OUT THE LITE INFANTRY WEAPONS ARE WORN OUT! IF, AND I SAY IF WE DO HAVE TO FIGHT ON A THIRD FRONT IT WILL HAVE TO BE AN AIR FORCE/NAVY FIGHT! IT COULD BREAK OUT AT ANY TIME OR PLACE, PAKISTAN, TURKEY, SYIRA, OR THE ISRAELIES MIGHT GET TIRED OF THE IRANIANS B. S. AND DECIDE TO GO AFTER THEM AND WE BEING ISRAELS ALLIES WOULD HAVE TO HELP THEM IN SOME WAY! WE WERE THE MOST POWERFUL NATION ON EARTH TILL WE GOT INTO THE IRAQI THING. NOW WE’RE MAYBE THIRD AFTER CHINA AND RUSSIA!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #4 VOL 9

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 4 VOL 9

 

APRIL 4^TH 2008

 

WEATHER; NICE, HI HUMIDITY, 43/72 DEGREES

 

ANSWER TO POP QUIZ; “WINGS” WON THE FIRST EVER ACADEMY AWARD IN 1927

 

POP QUIZ; IN WHAT MOVIE WERE THESES WORDS SAID; “MY MOTHER THANKS YOU, MY FATHER THANKS YOU, MY SISTER THANKS YOU AND I THANK YOU?”

 

WHEN KELLY GOT HOME HE PULLED THE COMPUTER OUT OF THE 91’ ACCLAIM AND HE AND MOM WENT IN TO AUTO-ZONE TO GET THE NEW ONE. WHEN HE GOT BACK AND PUT THE NEW ONE IN I TRIED TO START THE CAR BUT ALL IT DID WAS CRANK OVER AND   DIDN’T START! HE CHECKED FOR FIRE AT THE COIL WIRE BY HOLDING IT TO A GOOD GROUND WHILE I CRANKED IT OVER, NOTHING! HE CALLED AUTO-ZONE AND TOLD THEM THE PROBLEM AND THEN HE AND MOM TOOK THE COMPUTER BACK WITH THE PAPER I GOT FROM R&D WITH ALL THE DIFFERENT I.D #s ON IT FOR THE CARS THAT USED THE SAME COMPUTER! WHAT THEY FOUND WAS SOMEONE AT THE REBUILDERS HAD SCRATCHED A NUMBER OFF THE REBUILDES TAG AND WROTE THE NUMBER OF THE COMPUTER WE NEEDIN ITS PLACE!

 

AUTO-ZONE ORDERED ANOTHER COMPUTER WITH THE RIGHT NUMBER ON IT,  IT WILL BE IN MONDAY OR TUESDAY! IF SOMETHING IS GOING TO GET SCREWED UP IT WILL BE SOMETHING FOR US THAT WE NEED A.S.A.P.!

I CALLED R&D ABOUT THE TRANSMISSION BUT THEY CAN’T GET BACK TO BRING THE CAR UP TO THE LIFT BECAUSE OF THE RAIN LAST NIGHT, 4-5 INCHES SO IT’LL BE WEEK AFTER NEXT BEFORE THE BOYS CAN PUT IT IN THE INTREPID! OH WELL! I’M GETTING USED TO IT, I KNOW IT’S NOT ON PURPOSE BUT SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE IT!

 

MORE JOKES FROM ARCAMAX

 

AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN HAD SERIOUS HEARING PROBLEMS FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS. HE WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND THE DOCTOR WAS ABLE TO HAVE HIM FITTED FOR A SET OF HEARING AIDS THAT ALLOWED THE GENTLEMAN TO HEAR 100%.  THE ELDERLY   GENTLEMAN WENT BACK IN A MONTH AND THE DOCTOR SAID,

'YOUR HEARING IS PERFECT. YOUR FAMILY MUST BE REALLY PLEASED THAT YOU CAN HEAR AGAIN.'

THE GENTLEMAN REPLIED, 'OH, I HAVEN'T TOLD MY FAMILY YET.

I JUST SIT AROUND AND LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATIONS. I'VE CHANGED MY WILL THREE TIMES!'

 

TWO ELDERLY GENTLEMEN FROM A RETIREMENT CENTRE WERE SITTING ON A BENCH BENEATH A TREE WHEN ONE TURNS TO THE OTHER AND SAYS: 'SLIM, I'M 83 YEARS OLD NOW AND I'M JUST FULL OF ACHES AND PAINS. I KNOW YOU'RE ABOUT MY AGE.

DO YOU FEEL ALRIGHT?'

SLIM SAYS, 'I FEEL JUST LIKE A NEWBORN BABY.'

REALLY!? LIKE A NEWBORN BABY!?

YEP. NO HAIR, NO TEETH, AND I THINK I JUST WET MY PANTS.

 

AN ELDERLY COUPLE HAD DINNER AT ANOTHER COUPLE'S HOUSE, AND AFTER EATING, THE WIVES LEFT THE TABLE AND WENT INTO THE KITCHEN. THE TWO GENTLEMEN WERE TALKING, AND ONE SAID, 'LAST NIGHT WE WENT TO A NEW RESTAURANT AND IT WAS REALLY GREAT. I RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY.THE OTHER MAN SAID, 'WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT?'

THE FIRST MAN THOUGHT AND THOUGHT AND FINALLY SAID, 'WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FLOWER YOU GIVE TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE?

YOU KNOW? THE RED ONE THAT HAS THORNS!

DO YOU MEAN A ROSE?

'YES, THAT'S THE ONE,' REPLIED THE MAN. HE TURNED TOWARDS THE KITCHEN

YELLING, 'ROSE, WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT?

 

HOSPITAL REGULATIONS REQUIRE A WHEEL CHAIR FOR PATIENTS BEING DISCHARGED.

HOWEVER, WHILE WORKING AS A STUDENT NURSE, I FOUND ONE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN ALREADY DRESSED AND SITTING ON THE BED WITH A SUITCASE WHO INSISTED HE DIDN'T NEED MY HELP TO LEAVE THE HOSPITAL.

AFTER A CHAT ABOUT RULES BEING RULES, HE RELUCTANTLY LET ME WHEEL HIM TO THE ELEVATOR.

ON THE WAY DOWN I ASKED HIM IF HIS WIFE WAS MEETING HIM.

'I DON'T KNOW,' HE SAID. 'SHE'S STILL UPSTAIRS IN THE BATHROOM CHANGING OUT OF HER HOSPITAL GOWN.'

 

 A SENIOR CITIZEN SAID TO HIS EIGHTY-YEAR OLD BUDDY:

'SO I HEAR YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?'

'YEP!'

'DO I KNOW HER?'

'NOPE!'

'THIS WOMAN, IS SHE GOOD LOOKING?'

'NOT REALLY.'

'IS SHE A GOOD COOK?'

'NO,SHE CAN'T COOK TOO WELL.'

'DOES SHE HAVE LOTS OF MONEY?'

'NOPE! POOR AS A CHURCH MOUSE.'

'WELL, THEN, IS SHE GOOD IN BED?'

'I DON'T KNOW.'

'WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU WANT TO MARRY HER?'

'BECAUSE SHE CAN STILL DRIVE!'

 

 

THREE OLD GUYS ARE OUT WALKING.

FIRST ONE SAYS, 'WINDY, ISN'T IT?'

SECOND ONE SAYS, 'NO, IT'S THURSDAY!'

THIRD ONE SAYS, 'SO AM I. LETS GO GET A BEER.'

 

A MAN WAS TELLING HIS NEIGHBOR 'I JUST BOUGHT A NEW HEARING AID. IT COST ME FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS, BUT ITS STATE OF THE ART. IT'S PERFECT.'

REALLY, 'ANSWERED THE NEIGHBOR 'WHAT KIND IS IT?'

'TWELVE THIRTY.'

 

MORRIS, AN 82 YEAR-OLD MAN, WENT TO THE DOCTOR TO GET A PHYSICAL.

A FEW DAYS LATER, THE DOCTOR SAW MORRIS WALKING DOWN THE STREET WITH A GORGEOUS YOUNG WOMAN ON HIS ARM.

A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER, THE DOCTOR SPOKE TO MORRIS AND SAID, 'YOU'RE REALLY DOING GREAT, AREN'T YOU?'

MORRIS REPLIED, 'JUST DOING WHAT YOU SAID, DOC: 'GET A HOT MAMMA AND

BE CHEERFUL.''THE DOCTOR SAID, 'I DIDN'T SAY THAT. I SAID, 'YOU'VE GOT A HEART MURMUR; BE CAREFUL.'

 

ONE MORE. . .!

A LITTLE OLD MAN SHUFFLED SLOWLY INTO AN ICE CREAM PARLOR AND PULLED HIMSELF SLOWLY, PAINFULLY, UP ONTO A STOOL.. AFTER CATCHING HIS BREATH, HE ORDERED A BANANA SPLIT.

THE WAITRESS ASKED KINDLY, 'CRUSHED NUTS?'

'NO,' HE REPLIED, 'ARTHRITIS.'

 

   LORD, PLEASE KEEP YOUR ARM AROUND MY SHOULDER AND YOUR HAND OVER MY MOUTH.

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #3 VOL 9

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 3 VOL 9

APRIL 3^RD 2008

WEATHER; CLOUDY, HI HUMIDITY, 43/66 DEGREES

GAS; OK $3.11-$3.17   TX $3.18-$3.27

ANSWER TO POP QUIZ; “BUCK” WAS ANDY DEVINE’S NAME IN THE 1939 VERSION OF STAGECOACH.

POP QUIZ; WHAT SILENT MOVIE WON THE FIRST EVER ACADEMY AWARD?

MOM AND I WENT TO TOWN TO DO SOME SHOPPING! I WENT TO WAL-MART TO SEE IF THEY CARRIED THE E3 SPARKPLUGS? THEY HAD THE ONE FOR THE RIDING MOWER IN THE GARDEN DEPT SO I GOT ONE TO TRY IN OURS! IF IT PERFORMS LIKE THEY SAY IT WILL IT’LL SAVE GAS AND WEAR ON THE ENGINE, IT’S SUPPOSED TO GIVE A 12% INCREASE IN POWER AND REDUCE THE BAD EMISSIONS COMING OUT OF THE EXHAUST BY 58%! WHEN I DID THE MOWING I WOULD USE LESS THAN A TANK OF GAS (2 GALLONS) TO DO THE COMPLETE YARD. OF COURSE NOW THERE IS ABOUT 25% LESS GRASS TO MOW WITH ALL THE SWINGS, TREES, POOL SPOT, PARKING AREA, KIDS TOYS ETC AND IT SHOULD NOT TAKE AS MUCH GAS BUT, STILL ABOUT 1 GALLON, ANYHOW, WE’LL CHECK IT OUT AND SEE IF IT DOES WHAT THEY SAY AS FAR AS POWER AND EMISSIONS GO!

WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE COMPUTER TOMORROW AND GET IT PUT IN, IT’LL BE NICE NOT TO HAVE TO KEEP  CHARGING THE BATTERY!  ALL THE RUNNING WE DID TODAY AND IT’S STILL UP ½ WAY ON THE DASH VOLT METER! WHEN WE BOUGHT IT WE GOT THE BEST ONE WAL-MART HAD, 5 YEAR WARRANTEE, NO REPLACEMENT CHARGE FOR THE FIRST 2 YEARS! AND I NEVER HAVE TO CHECK THE SOLUTION IT’S A GEL SO YOU CAN’T ADD TO IT!

 

I’M JUST GETTING STARTED AGAIN ON THIS ISSUE OF THE CHRONICLE! WE HAD SO MUCH THUNDER AND LIGHTENING LAST NIGHT I SHUT MY COMPUTER DOWN BEFORE I FINISHED SO HERE WE GO!

I’M WAITING TO HEAR FROM R&D ABOUT THE TRANSMISSION FOR THE INTREPID, IF IT’S NOT ONE THING IT’S ANOTHER! WE GOT SO MUCH RAIN YESTERDAY AFTERNOON IF THEY DIDN’T GET IT PULLED IN THE MORNING THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GET THE FORKLIFT TO THE CAR TO BRING IT UP TO WHERE THE CAR LIFT IS AND THAT’S WHERE THEY DO THE REMOVING! WISH WE HAD ONE OF THOSE LIFTS THEN KELLY COULD TAKE ON ALL KINDS OF EXTRA JOBS! I TALKED TO HIM LAST WEEK ABOUT PUTTING IN A CONCRETE SLAB AND COVER WHERE HE DOES THE WORK AND HE’S ALREADY PLANNING ON DOING IT WHEN THE WEATHER CLEARS! WE HAVE A 2 BAG MIXER, ALL WE NEED IS THE SAND, GRAVEL, RE-BAR AND CEMENT! IT WILL GET DONE IN 10 FOOT SQUARES AND WILL BE 30’X30’!

BOY, HAVE WE BEEN GETTING THE BAD WEATHER, I CALLED THE CORPS OF ENGINEERS AND ASKED THEM WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO START LETTING WATER OUT OF THE LAKE, IT’S ALREADY UP TO ALMOST 620’ FEET MABOVE SEA LEVEL, WE DON’T WANT A REPEAT OF LAST YEAR WHEN THEY WAITED TO LONG TO START THEN THEY COULDN’T CATCH UP! SO, WHEN IT REACHES OVER 620’ THEY’LL OPEN A SMALL PORTION OF THE FLOOD GATES AND GO FROM THERE!  I DIDN’T HAVE TOO BUT, I REMINDED THEM THAT WHEN THAT 30 TO 50 FEET OF SNOW IN THE COLORADO ROCKIES STARTS TO MELT 90% OF IT WILL HIT LAKE TEXOMA! LAST YEAR THE INCOME AT ONE TIME WAS 105,000 CUBIC FEET A SECOND AND THE MAXIMUM WE CAN LET OUT IS 100,000 CUBIC FEET A SECOND BUT, THEN WE FLOOD THEM DOWN STREAM WHICH ISN’T GOOD! IN EFFECT WE ALMOST HAVE A CATCH 22 SITUATION!

MORE JOKES FROM ARCAMAX

Good reason

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

“There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…..Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

“It’s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, I don’t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, “Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Monster Valentine

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?

Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.

Boy Monster: Is it still beating?

Give the Lawyer a Hand

A young trial lawyer was defending a man accused of burglary, known for being witty (and the judge knows this) tried yet another one of his creative defenses. The judge, while not known for having a sense of humor, decided to here the young lawyer out.

“While my client admits he did, in fact, reach his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. However his arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by just his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he so chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Divorced Barbie

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00.”

The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?”

“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE # 2 VOL 9

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 2 VOL 9

APRIL 2^ND 2008

WEATHER; COOL, HI HUMIDITY, 42/62 DEGREES

GAS; OKLAHOMA $3.11- $3.19 TEXAS; $3.17- $3.26

ANSWER TO THE POP QUIZ; “PETER FALK” PLAYED PROFESSOR FATE’S ASSISTANT

POP QUIZ; IN THE 1939 VERSION OF “STAGECOACH”, WHAT WAS ANDY DEVINE’S NAME?

WE TOOK THE CAR TO START-RIGHT THIS MORNING, THEY PULLED THE ALTERNATOR AND CHECKED IT OUT, THEY FOUND ONE REAL SHORT BRUSH AND THE SLIP RINGS WORN DOWN SO THEY TURNED THE SLIP RINGS AND PUT IN A SET OF BRUSHES! PUT IT BACK ON AND WE HAD THE SAME THING, CHECK ENGINE LIGHT STILL ON! THEY ALSO CHECKED ALL THE FUSES AND THEY WERE OK!

WE HAD THIS WITH A PONTIAC WHEN WE WERE IN THE BUSINESS, THE ALTERNATOR LIGHT STAYED ON AND THE BATTERY KEPT GOING DEAD! WE FOUND THE HEATER HI-BLOWER FUSE WHICH WAS IN THE VERY BOTTOM SLOT OF THE FUSE PANEL BLOWN, THE LOW AND MEDIMUM SPEEDS WORKED AND NOBODY THOUGHT A BLOWER FUSE HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE ALTERNATOR!  WE REPLACED IT AND THE LIGHT WENT OUT AND THE BATTERY STARTED SHOWING IT WAS BEING CHARGED!

LOOKING IN THE BOOK I FOUND A SMALL SECTION IN DARK PRINT THAT SAID; “THE HI-BLOWER FUSE ALSO CONTROLS THE FIELD ENERGIZER FOR THE ALTERNATOR, IF IT IS BLOWN LOOK FOR A BAD BLOWER MOTOR OR BARE WIRE IN THE LOOM! AFTER LETTING THE BLOWER RUN FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES IT HEATED UP AND BLEW THE FUSE WE PUT IN, A NEW MOTOR WAS INSTALLED AND THAT SOLVED THE PROBLEM! WHEN I HAVE A PROBLEM I ALWAYS LOOK IN THE BOOK FOR THESE LITTLE SIDE NOTES AND THEY’RE ALWAYS THERE IF YOU LOOK!

AFTER DOING SOME MORE CHECKING THEY DETERMINED IT WAS THE VOLTAGE REGULATOR WHICH HAPPENS TO BE IN “ESMC” OR, THE COMPUTER! NOBODY IN TEXAS OR OKLAHOMA HAS A USED ONE, R&D WENT OVER EVERY 91 PLMOUTH AND CHRYSLER THAT USED IT AND CAME UP EMPTY HANDED! TIM CALLED AROUND AND FOUND ONE IN SOME TOWN IN OKLAHOMA 54 MILES NORTH OF US SO MOM CALLED AND THEY HAD TO GO LOOK AND WE SHOULD CALL BACK LATER, WE WAITED TILL AFTER 5PM AND WHEN MOM CALLED THEY SAID THEY CRUSHED THE CAR!

THE BEST DEAL WE FOUND ON A REBUILT ONE WAS $169.99 + TAX FROM AUTO-ZONE AND THEY HAD TO ORDER IT, IT WILL BE IN FRIDAY AFTER 3PM!

KERRY CALLED TODAY TO TELL MOM THAT IF YOU DON’T FILE YOUR TAX FORM EVEN IF YOU DON’T PAY ANY TAX YOU WON’T BE ELIGIBLE FOR THE REBATE! MOM HAS ALREADY FILED OURS BUT I’M PASSING THIS ON TO WARN THOSE WHO DON’T THINK THEY HAVE TO FILE TO GET THE REBATE, YOU DO HAVE TO FILE!

MY 2^ND COUSIN, BILL NEUENDORFF RETIRED ON THE 1^ST OF APRIL!

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE AMONG THE “UNEMPLOYED” BILL? BELIEVE ME YOU’LL GET USED TO IT AND ENJOY EVERY MINUTE SO, MY CONGRATULATIONS! YOU MADE IT!!!!!!!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #1 VOL 9

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 1 VOL 9

APRIL 1^ST 2008

WEATHER; COOL, HI HUMIDITY, 43/66 DEGREES

ANSWER TO POP QUIZ; “SHIRLEY TEMPLE” PLAYED BRIDGET “BRIG” HILTON IN THE MOVIE “SINCE YOU WENT AWAY” (THIS IS AN EXCELLENT MOVIE ABOUT THE ONES LEFT BEHIND DURING WWII)

POP QUIZ; IN THE MOVIE “THE GREAT RACE” WHO PLAYED THE PART OF PROFESSOR FATES ASSISTANT?

GAS; OKLAHOMA $ 3.09-$3.15 TEXAS; $3.19-$3.27

WE WENT TO TOWN TODAY AND PICKED UP A NEW MULTI-METER AND A TEMP SENSO FOR THE ACCLAIM BUT AFTER PUTTING IT IN WE STILL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM! WE TOOK IT OVER TO START-RIGHT IN SHERMAN AND HE CHECKED IT OUT AND BELIEVES IT’S EITHER A BROKE BRUSH WIRE,  A WORNOUT BRUSH OR AN OPEN IN THE FIELD WINDINGS! I’M BETTING ON A WORNOUT BRUSH! WE HAD THIS WHEN WE WERE IN THE BUSINESS BUT NOT SO MUCH IN A NIPPONDENSCO ALTERNATOR BUT QUITE A LOT IN G.M. AND FORD!

I’LL CALL R&D IN THE MORNING TO SEE IF HE WAS ABLE TO FIND ME A NIPPONDENSCO ALTERNATOR? IF NOT I’LL HAVE KELLY PULL IT TOMORROW AFTER WORK AND HAVE SHANNON PICK ME UP AND TAKE ME AND IT TO START-RIGHT TO BE FIXED! WE DID A LOT OF BUSINESS WITH THEIR STEP DAD AND THEY REALLY TREAT US GOOD! THEY KNOW THEY CAN’T B.S. US ABOUT ALTERNATORS AND STARTER AND THEY DON’T EVEN TRY! LIKE TODAY, HE SUGGESTED A BROKEN BRUSH WIRE OR A WORNOUT BRUSH BUT, HE ALSO SUGGESTED A POSSIBLE OPEN IN THE FIELD WINDINGS!

I TALKED TO MY BROTHER JERRY TODAY! EXCEPT FOR ANOTHER BOUT WITH PNEUMONIA HE’S DOING PRETTY GOOD! HE HAS TO GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR TOMORROW TO FIND OUT IF IT’S WALKING PNEUMONIA? I HOPE THAT’S WHAT IT IS! THAT’S LIKE A SPRAINED ANKLE, IT TAKES SO LONG TO HEAL A SPRAIN, YOU’RE BETTER OFF IF YOU BREAK IT, A BREAK HEALS MUCH FASTER!

MY PARTNER IN THE MEDICAL TESTING EQUIPMENT JIM HARMON HAS GONE IN THE MOTORCYCLE BUSINESS! HE WAS DESIGNING, BUILDING FLYING AND WORKING ON LITE AIRPLANES FOR YEARS, THEN HE GOT INTO “SPIRATUAL HEALING” AND DEVELOPED A SPECIAL TABLE FOR THIS. FOR MORE INFORMATION HIS HOME PAGE IS; www.netexas.net/trinity

 

I’M SURE JIM WOULD BE GLAD TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE PERTAINING TO THE SUBJECT, HE’S WELL VERSED ON MANY THINGS!

 

The story of our elegant eagle.

The eagle has the longest life-span of its' species

 
 
 

 

 

 

 It can live up to 70 years
But to reach this age, the eagle must make a hard decision
In its' 40's

 

 
 
 

 

Its' long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food

 

 

 

Its' long and sharp beak becomes bent

 

 
 

 

Its' old-aged and heavy wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to its' chest and make it difficult to fly

 

 
 

 

Then, the eagle is left with only two options: die or go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.

 

 
 
 

 

The process requires that the eagle fly to a mountain top and sit on its' nest




There the eagle knocks its' beak against a rock until it plucks it out
After plucking it out, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back and then it will pluck out its' talons




When its' new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its' old-aged feathers

 

And after five months, the eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth and lives for 30 more years

Learn from the Eagle
Spread Your Wings and Fly

  I thought this was interesting.  Did you? –

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #31 VOL 8

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 31 VOL 8

MARCH 31^ST 2008

WEATHER; WARM, HI HUMIDITY, 69/89 DEGREES

ANSWER TO POP QUIZ; “BRANDON DE WILDE PLAYED JOHN WAYNES ESTRANGED SON!

POP QUIZ; IN THE MOVIE “SINCE YOU WENT AWAY” (1944) WHO PLAYED “BRIDGET ‘BRIG’ HILTON?”

GAS; OKLAHOMA; $3.09-$3.15 TEXAS; $3.18- $3.27

WE WENT TO PICK UP HALEY JO AND THEN TO R&D WITH THE ALTERNATOR THAT WOULDN’T BOLT UP TO THE ACCLAIM, SCOTT SAID HE WOULD FIND ONE LIKE WE NEED AND CALL ME! I TOLD HIM TO GO AHEAD AND PULL THE INTREPID TRANSMISSION THAT WE WOULD PICK IT UP FRIDAY!

WHEN I STARTED THE CAR TO LEAVE THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT CAME ON BUT THE CHARGE METER SHOWED THE ALTERNATOR TO BE WORKING. WE DROVE TO COLBERT TO PICK UP HALEY JO AND WHEN I STARTED UP TO LEAVE THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT STAYED OFF. ABOUT 5 MILES DOWN THE ROAD IT CAME BACK ON AND THE ALTERNATOR WAS STILL CHARGING, WE WERE RUNNING THE A/C. WHEN WE GOT HOME THE ALTERNATOR WAS STILL CHARGING! EVERY TEST POINTS TO THE “TEMP SENSOR” SO I’M GOING TO GET A NEW ONE TOMORROW!

I’VE HAD A “BK PRECISION” MULIT-METER SINCE 1970, IT GOT USED EXTENSIVELY WHEN WE HAD OUR “AUTO ELECTRIC SHOP”, ALL THE BOYS AND I HAVE USED IT SINCE WE CLOSED THE SHOP IN 1978! WELL LAST SATURDAY IT WOULDN’T COME ON SO I TOOK IT APART AND COULDN’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG SO I PUT IT BACK TOGETHER! THEN, IT WOULD LIGHT THE DIGITAL METER BUT WOULDN’T CHECK VOLTAGE OR OHMS! LAST NIGHT I SENT A REQUEST TO BK ASKING THEM IF THEY HAD A RE-FURBISHED METER I COULD BUY OR SHOULD I SEND MINE IN FOR REPAIR! I HAVEN’T RECEIVED AN ANSWER YET, I’LL GIVE THEM A COUPLE OF DAYS THEN I’LL GO BUY A NEW ONE OR I MAY BUY ONE TO KEEP AS A SPARE! MINE IS A RED READ OUT AND I UNDERSTAND NOBODY USES THE RED LEDs ANYMORE! I DIDN’T KNOW I USED THE METER THAT OFTEN BUT NOW THAT I DON’T HAVE IT THERE ARE MANY THINGS; LIKE THE READINGS ACROSS THE “TEMP SENSOR” AND THE OUTPUT OF THE ALTERNATOR BUT, NO METER!

 

WE GOT HOME JUST IN TIME TO SEE/HEAR THE WEATHER REPORT! WE HAVE A NOAH WEATHER RADIO THAT WE’VE HAD OVER 30 YEARS I TURN IT ON IF WE’RE EXPECTING BAD WEATHER!  WE WERE UNDER A TORNADO WATCH AND BAD THUNDERSTORMS! WE GOT ABOUT 30 MINUTES OF RAIN AND NO TORNADO, THANK GOD!

MOM AND I GOT TIRED OF TV RERUNS AND THE CRAP THEY ARE PUTTING ON THE AIR THESE DAYS SO WE’VE BEEN RECORDING THE OLD “MAGNUM P.I.” SIMON & SIMON, MASH, ENCOR WESTERNS AND AN OCASSIONAL OLD MOVIE LIKE “THE GREAT ESCAPE” AND “IN HARMS WAY”, SINCE YOU WENT AWAY” , “MISTER ROBERTS”, “CANE MUTNEY”! AT LEAST THESE SHOWS HAVE A STORY LINE YOU CAN FOLLOW AND MAKES SOME SENSE!

 

JOKE

 Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD