HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 20 VOL 5
DECEMBER 20TH 2007
5 DAYS TO GO! HAVE YOU GOT PLENTY OF WRAPPING PAPER, TAPE, TO & FROM TAGS, EXTRA LIGHT BULBS FOR THE TREE LIGHTS AND THE OUTSIDE LIGHTS, FUSES FOR THE TREE LIGHTS? YOU BETTER CHECK, REMEMBER YOU ONLY USE THIS STUFF ONCE A YEAR AND THEN JUST FOR A WEEK OR TWO!
WEATHER; NICE, LOW HUMIDITY, 39/69 DEGREES
BUSY, BUSY, BUSY DO ALL THE LITTLE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE WITH THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS! I CHANGED THE PLACE OF ONE STRING OF LIGHTS AND PUT ANOTHER LONGER STRING IN THE SAME PLACE, HAVEN’T DECIDED WHERE TO PUT THE SHORTER SRING! PUT A LIT SNOWMAN ON THE WALL OUTSIDE NEAR THE TIMER AND PLUGGED IT IN, NOW IT COMES ON WITH THE REST OF THE LIGHTS! MOM HAD TO GO PICK UP HALEY JO AND TAKE HER TO THE EYE DOCTOR THEN GO DO MORE SHOPPING! SHE’LL START MAKING MONSTER COOKIES TOMORROW SHE MADE ANOTHER BATCH OF PINA COLLADA PICANS TODAY!
COLLEEN AND DICK CAME OVER TONIGHT AND BROUGHT CHRISTMAS PRESENTS SINCE THEY’RE GOING TO BE IN SAN ANTONIO WITH DICK’S FAMILY FOR CHRISTMAS! THEY’RE GOING TO TRY AND BE BACK ON THE 26TH TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH PEGGY AND PAUL!
I GO BACK TO MY CHIROPRACTOR TOMORROW! SO FAR WHAT SHE’S DONE HAS WORKED PRETTY GOOD! I STILL GET A LITTLE PAIN IN MY NECK IF I JERK IT TO THE LEFT VERY FAST! I THINK SHE’LL START WORKING ON GETTING SOME FEELING BACK IN MY LEFT HAND! I’M WALKING BETTER AND LIKE I SAID I DON’T SEEM TO BE DRAGGING MY LEFT FOOT LIKE I WAS, I STILL HAVE A SLIGHT LIMP ON THE LEFT SIDE BUT I THINK THAT’LL GO AWAY IN TIME!
WE’VE GOT PRESENTS PILED ALL OVER THE TRAIN TRACKS SO I CAN’T RUN THE TRAIN BUT I’LL CLEAN THEM OFF AND RUN IT FOR THE LITTLE KIDS AND ME OF COURSE! EVERY MORNING WHEN I GET UP I REALLY ENJOY GOING OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM AND SEEING ALL THE DECORATIONS, I’D FORGOTTE WE HAD SO MANY AND THEY’VE ALL BEEN ACCUMULATED OVER THE LAST 50 YEARS!
IF MEN RAN THE WORLD AND THINGS WERE AS THEY SHOULD BE…………..
BIRTH CONTROL WOULD COME IN ALE OR LAGER.
VALENTINES DAY WOULD BE MOVED TO FEBRUARY 29TH SO IT WOULD ONLY OCCUR IN LEAP YEAR.
ON GROUND HOG DAY, IF YOU SAW YOUR SHADOW! YOU’D GET THE DAY OFF TO GO DRINKING, MOTHER’S DAY TOO.
ST. PATRICKS DAY WOULD REMAIN EXACTLY THE SAME. BUT IT WOULD BE CELEBRATED EVERY MONTH
GARBAGE WOULD TAKE ITSELF OUT.
REGIS AND KATHY LEE WOULD BE CHAINED TO A CEMENT MIXER AND PUSHED OFF THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE FOR THE MOST LUCRATIVE PAY- PER-VIEW EVENT IN WORLD HISTORY.
THE ONLY SHOW OPPOSITE “MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL” WOULD BE “MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL’ FROM A DIFFERENT CAMERA ANGLE.
INSTEAD OF “BEER BELLY” YOU’D GET “BEER-BICEPS.”
TANKS WOULD BE FAR EASIER TO RENT.
WHEN A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET EVERY SMART-ALECK ANSWER YOU RESPONDED WITH WOULD REDUCE THE FINE. AS IN;
COP; “YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING?”
YOU; ALL I KNOW IS I WAS SPILLING MY BEER ALL OVER THE PLACE.”
PEOPLE WOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT HOW FRESH THEY FELT.
DAISY DUKES SHORTS WOULD NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE AGAIN.
THAT’S “30”FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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