DAILY CHRONICLE #31 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 31 VOL 12

JULY 31^ST 2008

WEATHER; COOL-HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 74/104 DEGREES

 

NOT TOO BAD THIS MORNING, MOM AND I WENT OUT AND SAT ON THE DECK FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES THEN THE SUN BROKE THROUGH THE CLOUDS AND THE TEMPERATURE STARTED TO RISE! BY NOON IT WAS 99 AND BY 2:00 IT WAS 104 BUT IT STARTED TO COOL DOWN AND BY 7:30 IT WAS DOWN TO 87!

MOM AND I WENT OUT TO THE LATINIS’S TO VISIT AND SEE IF THERE WAS ANYTHING WE COULD DO!

THEY WERE WAITING FOR DEBBIE’S BODY TO BE BROUGHT BACK FROM THE MEDICAL EXAMINEERS LABORATORY IN DALLAS! OUR FRIENDS, THE OSBORNS PICK UP AND DELIVER THE DEAD ALL OVER THE SOUTHWEST AND THEY WERE THE ONES MOVING DEBBIES BODY AROUND!

SHE LEFT DIRECTIONS THAT SHE WANTED TO BE CREMATED WHICH WILL BE DONE TOMORROW MORNING! DEBBIE WANTS HER ASHES SPREAD ON CHARLEENS MOTHERS GRAVE IN LANDER WYOMING SO HER DAUGHTER MARY ANN IS PLANNING TO GO AND DO THAT IN THE FALL, SHE’LL KEEP THE ASHES WITH HER TILL THEN! THERE’S NO SERVICE PLANNED, GARY AND CHARLEEN AND THEIR SON SCOTT DECIDED TO HAVE A WAKE ON DEBBIES BIRTHDAY IN NOVEMBER!

BY THE TIME ALL THE RELATIVES AND FRIENDS COULD GET HERE FROM ALL OVER THE UNITED STATES THE CREMATION WOULD BE DONE!

THEY KIND OF FIGURED OUT WHAT HAPPENED, SHE WAS ON MEDICATION AND HAD NO CONCEPTION OF TIME, SHE TOOK TUESDAY MORNINGS THEN TUESDAY AFTERNOONS THEN WED MORNINGS THEN HEADED FOR GARY AND CHARLEENS TO MEET THEM WHEN THEY GOT HOME FROM THE BRICKYARD 400 IN INDIANAPOLIS LAST SUNDAY!

FROM ALL INDICATION SHE MUST HAVE BEEN DOING ATLEAST 75 MPH IN A 65 MILE ZONE AND STRAIGHTENED OUT AN “S” CURVE! GARY SAID THE RIMS HAD DUG INTO THE BLACK TOP IN 3-4 DIFFERENT PLACES AND THE PICKUP FLIPPED END OVER END 3-4 TIMES! SHE WAS DECLARD DEAD AT THE SCENE! THEY HAD TO CUT HER SEAT BELT TO GET HER OUT OF THE TRUCK! THEY HAVEN’T GOT THE AUTOPSY REPORT YET BUT GARY THINGS THE TRUCK WAS BOUNCING AROUND SO VIOLENTLY IT BROKE HER NECK! THE TOP OF THE CAB HADN’T CAVED IN!

THEY’RE TAKING IT PRETTY GOOD BUT THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY, JUST BE THERE FOR THEM WHICH IS WHAT WE ARE DOING! WHEN DANNY DIED THEY WERE HERE FOR US!

 

WHILE SERVING MY LAST HITCH IN THE AIR FORCE OF COURSE I WAS STILL IN SAC, THE 301^ST BOMB WING! ONCE YOU’RE A MEMBER OF SAC YOU DON’T GET OUT, I HAD BEEN DISCHARGED AND REINLISTED WITH 3 REQUEST; 1. I DIDN’T WANT SAC. 2. I DIDN’T WAN’T BARKSDALE AFB.. 3. I DIDN’T WANT AIR POLICE.

I DIDN’T GET AIR POLICE BUT I DID GET THE OTHER TWO!

GENERAL CURTIS LEMAY WAS THE COMMANDER OF SAC AND RULED IT WITH AN IRON FIST! SACs LOGO WAS A SHIELD WITH A CLENCHED CHAIN MAIL COVERED FIST WITH LIGHTENING BOLTS EMITING FROM IT AND THE SAYING; “ALWAYS READY!”

 

ONE STORY THAT WENT AROUND; THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE CALLED GENERAL LEMAY AND ASK HOW LONG BEFORE HIS FORCE COULD BE READY IF NEEDED AND LEMAY ANSWERED; “WE’VE BEEN READY FOR AN HOUR!” AND HE WAS SERIOUS!

 

ONE THING YOU COULD COUNT ON IN SAC WAS BEING CALLED ON TO STAND 24 HOUR ALERTS! THEY CALLED ONE AND ONE THIRD (17) OF OUR AIR CRAFT ABORTED ON TAKE OFF! THE GENERAL CAME UNGLUED AND CALLED A “FLY AWAY” FOR THE WHOLE SQUADRON TO ENGLAND! THAT MEANT ALL SHOPS, SHEET METAL, MACHINE, ELECTRONIC, FABRIC, PAINT, ENGINE REBUILD, AIR TO AIR REFUELING, SPECIALISTS DISPATCHING, AIR CRAFT AND PERSONEL WOULD CLEAR THE BASE WITHIN 4 HOURS! IF IT DIDN’T  HAPPEN THE SQUADRON COMMANDER, ADJUANT, 1^ST SGT. AND 2 WARRANT OFFICERS WOULD BE RIFFED DOWN 3 GRADES!

 

I HAD BEEN OUT ON A DATE THE NIGHT BEFORE THEN STOOD THE 24 HOUR ALERT SO I WENT TO BED WHEN THEY CALLED THE 24 HOUR ALERT COMPLETE! I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE ABORTED AIRCRAFT UNTIL LATER AND THE NEW “FLY AWAY” ALERT BEING CALLED! MY ROOM MATES BOTH TRIED TO WAKE ME UP BUT COULDN’T SO, THEY CARRIED ME ON MY BUNK WITH ALL MY CLOTHES TO A C-97 AIR PLANE AND PUT ME ON THE ELEVATOR IN MY BUNK AND SHIPPED ME TO “UPPER HAYFORD RAF BASE OUT SIDE OF OXFORDSHIRE, NEAR THE TOWN OF BICESTL ENGLAND!  I WOKE UP AS WE MADE THE FINAL TURN BEFORE SETTING DOWN ON THE RUNWAY!

 

I HAD A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND AND GOT TO VISIT LONDON, THE SCARES OF WAR WERE STILL EVIDENT, PILES AND PILES OF BRICKS AND PIECES OF BUILDINGS COULD BE SEEN! THE NAZIS DID A COMPLETE JOB ON THE COUNTRY BUT THEY COULDN’T BEAT THE PEOPLE AND WHEN WINSTON CHURCHILL SAID; WE’LL FIGHT THEM AT THE BEACHES IN THE FIELD AND IN THE STREET BUT WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER! (THAT’S THE BEST I CAN REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID)! HE WAS DEAD SERIOUS!

 

THERE’S ANOTHER STORY THAT GOES AROUND ABOUT GENERAL LEMAY; HE ALWAYS HAD A STUB OF A CIGAR IN THE RIGHT CORNER OF HIS MOUTH. ON DAY HE WAS STANDING UNDER THE WING OF A KC-97 AIR REFUELER AND TOOK OUT HIS LIGHTER AND THE AIRMAN STANDING THERE SAID BEFORE HE LIT THE LIGHTER; “I WOULDN’T LIGHT THAT LIGHTER RIGHT HER GENERAL, WE JUST FINISHED FILLING THE TANKS IN THIS AIR CRAFT AND IT COULD EXPLODE! LEMAY ANSWERED; “IT WOULDN’T DARE” WITH A SMILE THEN HE PUT HIS LIGHTER AWAY AND DIDN’T LIGHT THE CIGAR STUB!

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #30 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 30 VOL 12

JULY 30^TH 2008

WEATHER; STILL HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 74/103 DEGREES

 

HOW IS THE PRICE OF GAS DOING IN YOUR AREA? WE’RE STARTING TO SEE A DEFINATE DROP FROM THE HIGH WE HAD TWO WEEKS AGO OF $3.79-$3.99. YESTERDAY WAL-MART WAS $3.55 LESS .03 IF YOU USED THEIR CARD! OIL WAS A LITTLE OVER $121.00 A BARREL!

 IT SEEMS TO BE THE RESULT OF BUSH’S EXECUTIVE ORDER TO STOP ADDING TO THE OIL RESERVES AND ALLOWING OFF SHORE DRILLING!

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE NANCEY PELOSIE WAS BEING INTERVIEWED BY WOLF BLITZER ON CNN LAST WEEK AND SHE SAID IF WE COULD TAKE JUST 10% OF THE RESERVES, 70 MILLION BARRELS THE PRICE OF GAS WOULD START TO DROP WITHIN 10 DAYS AND THEN WE COULD START REPLACING WHAT WE TOOK OUT! LOOKS LIKE SHE WAS RIGHT!

 

AS FAR AS OFF SHORE DRILLING GOES I DON’T SEE THE NEED, WE HAVE PLENTY OF OIL IN THE BAKKEN OIL FORMATION WHICH TAKES IN MONTANA, NORTH DAKOTA AND SASKATCHEWAN CANADA! IT’S THE BIGGEST OIL DISCOVERY IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES AND IT WILL BE PUT INTO THE PIPELINES IMMIDATELY AND WE COULD SEE THE EFFECTS WITHIN 90 DAYS  AND THE COST OF A BARREL OF OIL FROM THE BAKKEN FIELD IS $16.00!  EAT YOUR HEART OUT SPECULATORS WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND, RIGHT?

 

WHERE IN THE CASE OF OFF SHORE DRILLING IT WILL BE 10 YEARS BEFORE THE FIRST DROP OF GAS GETS TO THE PUMPS! PLUS, THERE ARE OVER 1000 DRILLING RIGS IN THE GULF OF MEXICO AND THEY’RE PUTTING IN MORE EVERY DAY! IT’S THE BIG OIL COMPANIES THATWANT TO DO THE OFF SHORE DRILLING! THEY WOULD SERVE THE COUNTRY BETTER IF THEY WOULD BUILD 5 MORE REFINERIES TO HANDLE WHAT THEY ARE ALREADY PUMPING!

 

 

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE CUTTING DOWN ON THEIR DRIVING AND BUYING MORE GAS EFFICIENT CARS AND CONSERVING ON THE ELECTRICITY BY PUTTING THE THERMOSTATS AT A HIGHER SETTING. SO ALL OF A SUDDEN THE OIL COMPANIES ARE FACED WITH A SURPLUS AND DON’T HAVE ANYPLACE TO PUT IT! ISN’T THAT TOO BAD? HEY DUMMIES, TAKE THE PRICE OF A GALLON OF GAS BACK TO THE 1972 LEVEL, .29-,35 CENTS A GALLON THEN WE’LL START DRIVING OUR BIG GAS GUZZLERS AGAIN AND TAKING MORE VACATIONS BY CAR! NOW WE’LL SEE JUST THE REVERSE, DEMAND AND SUPPLY INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND!

BOY, WHEN I GET ON MY “SOAP BOX”.LOOK OUT!!!!!!!

 

WHEN I WAS IN THE AIR FORCE AND STATIONED AT BARKSDALE AFB LA. AND I HAD SOME LEAVE COMING I’D GO TO BASE OPERATIONS AND SEE WHAT FLIGHTS THEY HAD GOING ANYWHERE! IF IT LOOKED LIKE I WOULD ENJOY THE TRIP I’D SIGN UP FOR IT ON A SPACE AVAILABLE BASES THEN GO GET MY LEAVE SET UP FOR THAT TIME SLOT!

ON ONE PARTICULAR FLIGHT THAT WAS GOING TO MARCH AFB IN RIVERSIDE, CA. IN A C-124 ONE BIG AIRPLANE! MARCH WAS JUST 60 MILES FROM HOME! I CALLED MY SISTER MADELINE AND ASKED HER IF SHE COULD PICK ME UP AND SHE SAID SHE AND CHUCK WOULD BE THERE WHEN I GAVE THEM THE TIME AND DATE! WELL THE BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN CAN GET SCREWED UP!

WE WERE OVER OKLAHOME AND THE PILOT DECIDE TO FLY THROUGH A THUNDERHEAD RATHER THAN GO 150 MILES OUT OF THE WAY TO GET AROUND IT! THERE WERE 22 OF US ON BOARD AND WE ALL SAT IN THE WEB SEATS AND BUCKLED UP OUR SEAT BELTS WHEN THE SIGN LIT UP AND THE HORN SOUNDED!

WE HAD JUST GOTTEN IN THE STORM WHEN THE AIRPLANE DROPPED ABOUT 1500 FEET INSTANTLY!  IT REALLY STRETCHED THE SEAT BELTS, THEN THE PILOT WENT TO EMERGENCY POWER AND STARTED TO CLIMB AND WE DROPPED ANOTHER 500 FEET, HE FINALLY GOT CONTROL AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THE AIRPLANE WENT UP ABOUT 1000 FEET IN THE SNAP OF A FINGER!  I KEPT WAITING FOR US TO GET CLEAR OF THE THUNDERHEAD BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN MOVING ABOUT AS FAST AS WE WERE! THE 124 ISN’T A VERY FAST AIRPLANE! WE BOUNCED AROUND IN THAT DAMNED STORM FOR AT LEAST 20 MINUTES! I HAD NEVER BEEN IN A C-124 BFORE BUT I’LL SAY THIS, IT TOOK ONE HELL OF A BEATING ON THAT TRIP AND SO DID I.

THEN WE DIDN’T LAND AT MARCH WE LANDED AT GEORGE AFB WHAT IS NOW EDWARDS AFB IN PALMDALE, CA., I CALLED MADELINE AND THEY PICKED ME UP AT THE MAIN GATE! I STAYED TWO DAYS AND THEN CALLED BASE OPS AT MARCH AND GOT A FLIGHT TO MITCHELL AFB IN NEW YORK IN A B-25! I SPENT 3 DYS THERE AND GOT A CALL FROM BASE OPS THAT THEY HAD A FLIGHT GOING BACK TO BARKSDALE AFB IN A KC-97 IN TWO HOURS, I GOT MY B-4 BAG AND GOT A RIDE ON THE BASE BUS TO THE OPS BUILDING AND GOT BACK TO BARKSDALE WITH 12 HOURS TO SPARE! BY EATING IN TRANSIT MESS AND STAYING IN ENLISTED BARRACKS THE WHOLE TRIP COST ME A LITTLE MORE THAN $50.00 MOST OF WHICH WAS WHEN I TOOK MADELINE, CHUCK, BOBBY AND DONNA OUT TO DINNER! THE KIDS WERE YOUNG AT THE TIME!

 

WE HAD SOME REAL BAD NEWS TODAY, OUR VERY GOOD FRIENDS, GARY AND CHARLEEN LATINIS’S DAUGHTER DEBBIE WAS KILLED IN AN AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT THIS AFTERNOON (TUESDAY, THE 29^TH OF JULY)! “PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR HER AND GARY AND CHARLEEN!” THANKS, HOWARD

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #29 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 29 VOL 12

JULY 29^TH 2008

WEATHER; HOT, HOT, DAMN HOT, MED HUMIDITY, 72/111 DEGREES

 

ANOTHER DAY TO STAY INDOORS AND STAY NEAR THE A/C! MOM HAD TO GO MEET SHANNON AT WAL-MART WHERE SHE WAS HAVING TIRES PUT ON HER CAR! SHANNON DIDN’T WANT TO JUST SET AND WAIT FOR THEM TO GET DONE SO SHE AND MOM WENT SOMEPLACE ELSE TO WAIT. I THINK IT WAS SUBWAY. MOM BROUGHT ME A SUBWAY SANDWHICH FOR LUNCH!

 

I WAS SURFING LAST NIGHT AND SAW AN OLD MOVIE ON TCM THAT I HAD NEVER SEEN, “WINGS”, MADE IN 1927 SO IT IS SILENT! IT HAD CHARLES “BUDDY” ROGERS AND RICHARD ARLEN AND CLARA BOW. I DIDN’T GET IN AT THE BEGINNING SO I NEVER SAW THE SCREEN CREDITS BUT IN THE FIRST SCENE I SAW THERE BIG AS LIFE SAT GARY COOPER! HE GETS KILLED A COUPLE OF SCENES LATER! I WATCHED ABOUT HALF OF IT THEN WATCHED THE REST TODAY! I CAN’T HELP BUT SEE THE RESEMBALANCE OF IT AND “DAWN PATROL” WITH ERROL FLYNN AND “THE FLY BOYS”! ALL OF THEM HAVE VERY REALESTIC BATTLE SCENES! OF COURSE “WINGS” WON THE 1927 ACCADEMY AWARD FOR “BEST PRODUCTION OF A MOTION PICTURE!” THE ONLY MOVIE TO EVER RECEIVE THIS AWARD!

 

MOM HAD THE LITTLE TRACTOR SPRINKLER RUNNING TO TRY AND SAVE OUR GRASS/WEEDS! IT FOLLOWS THE HOSE YOU LAY OUT FOR IT TILL IT HITS SOFT GROUND, THEN IT TIPS OVER AND SETS THERE TILL YOU GO PUT IT BACK UP AND ON HARD GROUND OR THE AUTO STOP YOU PUT ON THE HOSE!

WE FIXED AN UMBRELLA THAT CRANKS UP AND DOWN IT GOT MESSED UP IN THE CRANK HOUSING! BOY, IT’S UNGODLY HOT! I’M REAL PROUD OF OUR A/C UNITS KEEPING THE INSIDE AROUND 73-74 DEREES WHEN LIKE TODAY IT GOT TO 111 AT 3PM, IT TURNED TO 100 AT 11:50!

 

I WAS IN THE NAVAL RESERVE FROM APRIL 1946 TILL JUNE 1950 WHEN I WAS DISCHARGED! DURING THE TIME IN THE NAVAL RESERVE I WENT ON A TWO WEEK TRAINING CRUISE ABOARD AN ESCORT AIRCRAFT CARRIER THE U.S.S BADOEING STRAIGHTS CVE 116. THEY SAID IT WAS BECAUSE I HAD PUIT ON MY ENLISTMENT PAPERS I WANTED TO BE A NAVY PILOT.

MY FIRST DUTY WAS AS A TRAINER ON A 5”38 GUN ON THE FANTAIL OF THE SHIP. THERE WERE TWO OF THESE GUNS AND THERE WAS A PLACK ON THE BULKHEAD THAT TOLD OF THE CREWS ON THESE GUNS KNOCKING JAP PLANES OUT AT 25,000 FEET DURING THE BATTLE OF THE CORAL SEA! THERE ARE FOUR POSITIONS ON THESE GUNS, THE POINTER WHO TRACKS THE TARGET HORIZONALLY AND THE TRAINER WHO TRACKS THE TARGET VERTICALLY!  THE LOADER WHO PUTS THE PROJECTILE AND POWDER BAG IN THE BREECH AND CLOSES IT THE GUN CAPTAIN WHO PICKS THE TARGETS!

THE CHIEF BOATSWIN TOLD ME TO REPORT TO NUMBER TWO GUN ON THE FANTAIL OR, THE ONE ON THE PORT SIDE! I WAS STILL IN MY BLUES FROM MUSTER AND WHEN I STEPPED OUT OF THE HATCH ON TO THE FANTAIL CATWALK THE NUMBER ONE GUN FIRED! I WAS COVERED WITH THE WHITE CLOTH REMENANTS OF THE POWDER BAG AND THE CONCUSSION BLEW MY WHITE HAT OVER THE STERN, I COULDN’T HEAR GOOD FOR ABOUT A ½ HOUR!

THE GUNNERS MATE ON THE GUN TOLD ME TO GO GET INTO MY FATIGUES (DUNGAREES) AND A BLACK HAT AND REPORT BACK IN 30 MINUTES! I SPENT THE NEXT TWO DAYS LEARNING HOW TO TRAIN THE GUN UP AND DOWN BY FOLLOWING BIG BALOONS THEY RELEASED FROM OUR ESCORT DESTROYER! ON FIRING DAY I WAS SURE I COULD DO MY JOB AND THE POINTER WAS REAL GOOD! THE DESTROYER CAME ACROSS THE STERN AND RELEASED A HUGE BALLOON, 3 TIMES AS BIG AS THE ONES I HAD BEEN TRAINING WITH! I WATCHED MY SIGHT AND WHEN THE BALOON PASSED 5000 FEET I STEPPED ON THE FIRING PEDAL! THE BALLOON EXPLOADED IN A BALL OF FLAME! THE POINTER HAD TO TRACK A BALLOON THE DESTROYER LET LOSE AT THE BOW HE BLEW IT UP 150 FEET ABOVE THE WATER! WE BOTH GOT CONGRADULATED BY THE SHIPS CAPTAIN AND THE OTHER GUN CREWS!

THEY SAID I WAS A NATURAL AT ANY GUN ON THE SHIP, QUAD 40s, 20 MM SINGLE MOUNT, AND TWO 50 CALIBER THAT FIRED OFF THE HANGER DECK! BEING AT SEA WE COULD FIRE OUT TO SEA AS LONG AS THERE WEREN’T ANY SHIPS IN THE RANGE OF OUR GUNS, ABOUT 3 MILES, BUT, NOT TOWARDS THE LAND!

THEY DREW MY LIBERTY PASS TO TAKE A FLIGHT BACK TO SAN DIEGO ON THE MAIL RUN IN A TBF/M AVENGER I FLEW IN THE RADIOMANS SEAT! THERE WAS THE PILOT, THE BALL TURRETT GUNNER AND THE TORPEDOMAN/BOMBARDIER AND ME! AS WE WERE GETTING READY TO BE CATAPULTED OFF THE DECK THE TORPEDOMAN GAVE ME SOME POINTERS ON BEING SHOT OFF THE DECK BY A STEAM CATAPULT, HE SAID WE GO FROM 0 TO 85 MPH IN LESS THAT 50 FEET AND THE THING BEHIND MY HEAD WAS A FOAM RUBBER HEADREST AND THAT I SHOULD HAVE MY HEAD AGAINST IT WHEN WE GO! I THOUGHT I HEARD THE PILOT SAY SOMETHING TO ME SO I LEANED UP TO HEAR AND THE CATAPULT FIRED US OFF THE DECK, DAMN NEAR BROKE MY NECK BUT I SURVIVED! WE GOT TO ALEMEDA NAVAL AIR STATION AND PICKED UP THE MAIL AND HEADED BACK TO THE SHIP! IT’S AMAZING HOW NAVY PILOTS CAN FIND THE SHIP AFTER LEAVING ITBUT, WE HAD A GOOD WW II PILOT, HE HIT THE SHIP RIGHT ON THE BUTTON, HE BANKED AROUND THE STERN AND WATCHED THE SIGNALMAN ON THE STERN AND DROPPED THAT TBF RIGHT ON THE FIRST ARRESTER CABLE, WE CAME TO A COMPLETE STOP IN ABOUT 30 FEET! WHEN I CLIMBED OUT OF THE HATCH THE PILOT WAS ALREADY STANDING THERE, “WELL, HOW’D YOU LIKE IT, MAHONEY?” “JUST GREAT AND NOW EVEN MORE THAN BEFORE I WANT TO BE A NAVY PILOT” HE SHOOK MY HAND AND WISHED ME LUCK! OF COURSE THAT ALL CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT WHEN I LOST THE FOCAL VISION OUT OF MY LEFT EYE IN THE ACCIDENT ON THE 5^TH OF JULY 1950!

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #28 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 28 VOL 12

JULY 28^TH 2008

WEATHER; HOT, VERY HOT, MED HUMIDITY, 71/110 DEGREES

 

ANOTHER DAY TO STAY IN DOORS AND BY THE AIR CONDITIONING! AT 3:30PM I WATCHED MY ATOMIC CLOCK TEMPERATURE CHANGE OVER TO 110 DEGREES, IT HAD STAYED AT 108 FOR ABOUT 2 HOURS THEN BAM, 110! IT JUST BLINKED AS IT PASSED 109!

MOM WENT TO 8 AM MASS AND WHEN SHE GOT HOME ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO TO BOBBY’S FOR BREAKFAST? IT TOOK ME ABOUT 5 MINUTES TO GET READY! BOBBY’S IS OUR LOCAL RESTAURANT AND HAS PRETTY GOOD FOOD! THE PRICES ARE RIGHT TOO FOR THE RETIRED PEOPLE AND THE WORKING ONES THAT GO THERE!

KELLY WAS HELPING MIKE MOVE A COMPUTER DESK AND WRENCHED HIS RIGHT SHOULDER! HE THINKS IT THE ROTATOR CUFF! I HOPE NOT, IT TAKES FOR EVER FOR THAT TO HEAL AND IN THE MEAN TIME YOU CAN’T DO YOUR REGULAR JOB IF IT INVOLVES THE ONE YOU HURT! THIS WASN’T ON COMPANY TIME SO HE’LL HAVE TO SEE WHAT THEY DO ABOUT IT!

 

WHILE I WAS IN THE AIR FORCE I WAS STATIONED AT MOODY A.F.B IN VALDOSTA GA.! I WAS AN AIR POLICEMAN AND ON THIS PARTICULAR OCCASION I WAS ACTING SGT. OF THE GUARD!

WE HAD AN AIRMAN I’LL CALL GEORGE SMITH (I CAN’T REMEMBER HIS NAME)! GEORGE WAS A NICE GUY BUT KIND OF JITTERY! OUR AIR CRAFT WERE F-51s AND B-25s WE HAD ONE C-47 FOR THE OFFICERS TO GET FLIGHT TIME IN! THE HUNGARIAN UPRISING WAS IN FULL SWING AND BEING A SAC (STRATEGIC AIR COMMAND) CONTINGENT WE HAD A GUARD ON EVERY AIR PLANE EVEN THOSE IN THE HANGER OR ON THE PARKING RAMP BEING WORKED ON!

I HAD PUT GEORGE ON POST 4 AN F-51 NEAR ONE OF THE HANGERS!

NOW, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING! MOODY HAD BEEN CLOSED FOR OVER 5 YEARS AND HAD A BLACK MAN AND HIS FAMILY AS CARE TAKERS! BEING NEAR THE OKEFENOKEE SWAMP, MANY OF THE ANIMALS CAME INTO THE BASE TO FEED AND RAISE THEIR YOUNG! ONE OF THE DANGEROUS ANIMALS WAS THE JAVELINA PIG, THIS PIG WASN’T AFRAID OF MAN AND WOULD CHARGE FOR NO REASON! ITS WEAPONS WERE TWO 4-6 INCH LONG SHARP TUSK THAT STICK OUT FROM THE LOWER JAW! THESE TUSK   COULD RIP A MAN TO SHREADS IF THE PIG GOT HIM DOWN!

THIS WAS THE GRAVE YARD SHIFT, 12AM TO 7AM! I WAS SETTING IN THE JEEP TALKING TO THE GUARD ON THE CRIPTOGRAPH INCLOSER WHEN WE HEARD “SGT. OF THE GUARD”, “SGT. OF THE GUARD” POST 4 THEN 3 SHOTS FIRED! I STARTED THE JEEP AND HEADED FOR POST 4 WHICH WAS GEORGE! HE WAS STANDING ON THE WING OF THE F-51 AIMING HIS RIFLE, AN M-1 GARAND 30  CALIBER AT A JAVELINA PIG THAT WAS TEARING THE MAIN LANDING GEAR TIRE TO SHREADS WITH ITS TUSK! IT HAD PUT A SMALL HOLE IN THE SIDE WALL AND ALL THE NITROGEN HAD LEAKED OUT SO IT WAS FLAT! IT’S A GOOD THING GEORGE ONLY HAD 3 ROUNDS IN HIS RIFLE OR HE WOULD HAVE DONE MORE DAMAGE THAN HE DID!

ONE ROUND WENT THROUGH THE REAR OF THE CANOPY OF THE AIR PLANE 50 FEET AHEAD OF WHERE HE WAS, AN F-51, ANOTHER WENT THROUGH THE SIDE OF THE FUSELAGE BEHIND THE ENGINE OF THE SAME AIR PLANE, WE LATER WERE TOLD IT WENT THROUGH THE DISTRIBUTER, A THIRD ROUND DID HIT THE PIG IN THE BACK AND WE PUT IN OUT OF ITS MISERY WITH A SHOT TO THE HEAD WITH A 45 CALIBER AUTOMATIC! THE CARE TAKER TOOK THE PIG AND FIXED A BIG BAR-B-QUE FOR HIS FAMILY AND ANY OF US WHO WANTED TO COME! YOU BETTER BELIEVE I WENT, I’D HAD SOME OF THIS MANS COOKING RIGHT AFTER WE ARRIVED AT THE BASE AND DIDN’T HAVE ANY CHOW HALL YET! HE INVITED US TO EAT WITH HIS FAMILY AND WE DID! WE WERE THE ADVANCE DETACHMENT TO REOPEN THE BASE!

GEORGE WAS GIVEN AN ARTICLE 15 AND TRANSFERRED TO WARNER ROBINS AFB AND HAD TO PAY FOR THE 3 ROUNDS HE FIRED AND ALL THE DAMAGE DONE TO THE AIR PLANES! IF I REMEMBER RIGHT IT AMOUNTED TO ABOUT $2500.00! I NEVER HEARD ANY MORE ABOUT HIM AFTER THAT!

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #27 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 27 VOL 12

JULY 27^TH 2008

WEATHER; HOT, HIGH NUMIDITY, 75/103 DEGREES

 

NOTHING GOING ON TODAY AT THE “MAHONEY SPREAD”, MOM HAD TO GO TO TOWN FOR A FEW THINGS AND I JUST SAT AROUND AND WATCHED TV AND WORKED ON THE CHRONICLE! I’M TRYING TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING BY WRITING ABOUT SOME THINGS THAT I EXPERIENCED IN THE MILITARY AND AFTER I WAS DISCHARGED LIKE THE ONE AT THE END OF THIS CHRONICLE!

 

I’M WAITING FOR THE WEATHER TO COOL DOWN SO I CAN DO SOMETHINGS OUTSIDE! FROM WHAT THE WEATHERMAN SAID THIS EVENING WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE TRIPPLE DIGITS ALL THROUGH THE WEEKEND INTO NEXT TUESDAY THEN IT WILL COOL DOWN TO 99-98 LOL, TILL NEXT WEEKEND! THEN UP WE GO AGAIN FOR ABOUT A WEEK!

WE RUN TWO ½ TON A/C WINDOW UNITS, ONE IN OUR BEDROOM AND ONE IN THE COMPUTER ROOM  AND ONE TON AND A HALF IN THE LIVING ROOM! THEY KEEP THE HOUSE PRETTY   COMFORTABLE, ABOUT 30 DEGREES COOLER THAN OUTSIDE WHICH IS WHAT ANY A/C SHOULD DO!

MIKE HAD A NEW METAL ROOF PUT ON THE TRAILER WHEN HE LIVED HERE, THERE’S AN AIR SPACE BETWEEN IT AND THE ORIGINAL ROOF PLUS INSULATION AND THE WALLS ARE PRETTY WELL INSULATED! THERE’S TWO BIG CEDER TREES ON THE NORTH SIDE AND THAT’S WHERE ALL THREE A/C UNITS ARE SO IT WORKS OUT PRETTY GOOD!

 

PEGGY’S DOING OK AND RACES NEXT WEEKEND AT BAKERSFIELD, FROM WHAT SHE SAID IN HER LAST E-MAIL THEY MADE A LOT OF CHANGES IN THE CAR AND SHE HOPES TO GET BACK TO WHERE SHE WAS AT HE END OF LAST SEASON! I SUGGESTED THEY TAKE ALL THE NEW THINGS THEY PUT ON THE CAR THAT SEEMED TO   SLOW IT DOWN AND START BACK WITH THE BASICS! SHE’LL FILL ME IN AFTER THEIR NEXT RACE AND I’LL LET YOU ALL KNOW!

 

I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM OR ABOUT JACQUE SINCE SHE GOT PICKED UP FOR DWI BECAUSE SHE BACKED INTO A CITY TRUCK OR CAR! I THINK SHE HAD TO GO TO COURT ON THE 16^TH OF JULY, I’LL CHECK WITH PEGGY TO BE SURE HOW SHE MADE OUT!

 

I GUESS MIKE AND CINDY ARE DOING OK, WE DON’T HEAR MUCH FROM THEM! CINDY’S KEPT BUSY RUNNING TO ALL THE RODEOS DYLLON COMPETES IN, BULL RIDING AND CALF ROPING! TAYLOR JUST GOES ALONG FOR THE RIDE OR STAYES HOME BY HIMSELF!

 

COLLEEN AND DICK ARE DOING FINE AND LOOKING FORWARD TO THEIR UPCOMING MARRIAGE IN OCTOBER IN LAS VEGAS! I WISH WE COULD MAKE IT OUT THERE FOR IT BUT THERE’S NO WAY RIGHT NOW! WE DIDN’T MAKE MOM’S FAMILY REUNION IN WISCONSIN THE 3^RD WEEK OF JULY THIS YEAR, THIS IS THE FIRST ONE WE’VE MISSED IN A LONG TIME! BUT, MAYBE NEXT YEAR WILL BE BETTER!

 

KERRY AND DEBI ARE ALSO DOING FINE, HE’S BACK AT WORK AFTER HIS 3 WEEKS OFF NOW IT’LL BE 6 MORE WEEKS BEFORE HIS NEXT 3 WEEKS OFF! THEY WANT US TO GO TO FLORIDA WITH THEM AND MAYBE WE WILL WHEN THE WEATHER COOLS DOWN IN OCTOBER/NOVEMBER!

 

KELLY AND GLENDA ARE DOING FINE AND GETTING SOME THINGS DONE AROUND THE PLACE! HE SPENT TIME UNDER HIS HOUSE TODAY LEVELING SOME PLACES THAT HAVE NEEDED IT FOR A LONG TIME!

 

SHANNON AND KONNER ARE DOING OK THE LAST I HEARD! SHE’S HAD SOME BAD TIMES SLEEPING SO THEY GAVE HER TEST AND SHE HAS SLEEP APNEA (SP?) AND SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER FOOT, MOM THINKS IT’S A BONE SPUR! OTHER THAN THOSE TWO THINGS I GUESS SHE’S OK!

 

TIM AND ELYSE ARE ALSO DOING FINE, I DON’TKNOW HOW MUCH PROGRESS THEY’RE MAKING ON THE CABINETS AND FLOORING BUT THEY’LL GET IT DONE I’M SURE! I HAVEN’T HEARD IF ELYSE WENT TO WORK FOR THE AMERICAN HEART ASSOCIATION YET! THAT’LL WORK OUT JUST FINE FOR THEM, THEY CAN RIDE TOGETHER WHICH WILL SAVE GAS AND TIME!

 

 

HERE’S AN INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS IN THE U.S. AIR FORCE ON MY 2^ND TOUR;

 

I BECAME PRETTY GOOD BUDDIES WITH ANOTHER AIRMAN WHO WAS STATIONED AT BOSSIER BASE WHICH WAS THE NUCLEAR WAREHOUSE FOR MY BASE, BARKSDALE AFB IN SHREVESPORT, LA.. HIS NAME WAS BILL SHARKEY!

 

BARKSDALE HAD ONE OF THE FIRST B-47 WINGS IN THE AIR FORCE! WE HAD AN AIR TO AIR REFUELING SQUADRON WITH KC-97 AIR CRAFT AND AN ECM (ELECTRIC COUNTER MEASURES) SQUADRON! THE ECM AIR CRAFT, RB-47s, THEY WENT IN AHEAD OF THE BOMBERS  WITH THE NUCLEAR BOMBS TO DROP “CHAT”, STRIPS OF ALUMINUM FOIL TO BLANK OUT THE ENEMY RADAR!

 

WE BOTH RODE MOTORCYCLES, HIS WAS A 74 C. I. HARLEY AND MINE WAS A T-110 TRIUMPH WITH 40 C.INCHES I HAD BUILT OUT OF TWO WRECKED TRIUMPHS

 

WE DECIDED TO TAKE SOME LEAVE AND GO TO AN ISLAND THE SPECIAL SERVICES HAD OUTSIDE OF SHREVESPORT CALLED “PEGGYS ISLAND!” THERE WAS A BIG HOUSE THAT COULD SLEEP 10 PEOPLE, A BIG KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM, A PORCH THAT WENT ALL THE WAY AROUND THE HOUSE, AN OUTSIDE SHOWER AND A 100’ LONG FISHING/BOAT DOCK WITH ALL THE NECESSARY FACILITIES TO CLEAN ANYTHING YOU MIGHT CATCH FROM PERCH TO 20 LB GAR AND, AN OCCASIONAL SMALL ALLIGATOR! THE ISLAND HAD ITS SHARE OF WILD ANIMALS AND THE SPECIAL SERVICES SUPPLIED SHOT GUNS TO HUNT WITH, NO RIFLES OR PISTOLS, IT WAS ONLY ABOUT 500’ TO THE SHORE FROM ANY POINT ON THE ISLAND AND BULLETS WOULD GO THAT FAR AND COULD HURT OR KILL SOMEONE!

 

WE WENT TO SPECIAL SERVICES AND PICKED UP ALL THE SUPPLIES WE WOULD NEED, A MILITARY WALKIE-TALKIE WITH BATTERIES, SLEEPING BAGS, GAS LANTERNS, GAS COOK STOVE, 20 GALLONS OF STOVE GAS, 25 GALLONS OF DRINKING WATER, ICE CHEST,WE COULD GET ICE AT THE MARINA DOCK WHERE WE WOULD GET THE 15’ BOAT TO TAKE US TO THE ISLAND, A 25 HORSE POWER O.B. MOTOR AND GAS FOR IT, TWO 12 GAGE  SHOT GUNS AND AMUN ITION! THEN WE WENT TO THE BASE COMMISSARY AND PICKED UP THE FOOD AND DRINKS WE WANTED TO TAKE!  WE HAD PLANNED TO SPEND A WEEK ON THE ISLAND!

 

WE SIGNED OUT OF OUR SQUADRONS ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON   LOADED UP THE CARRYALL WE HAD CHECKED OUT AND HEADED FOR THE ISLAND! WHEN WE REACHED THE MARINA DOCK WE UNLOADED ALL THE GEAR INTO THE BOAT WE HAD RESERVED, PARKED THE CARRYALL OUT OF THE WAY AND GAVE THE KEYS TO THE MARINA MANAGER! THEN WE CLAMPED THE O.B. MOTOR TO THE STERN OF THE BOAT, HOOKED UP THE GAS CAN AND PUMPED UP THE TANK FIRED UP THE MOTOR AND TOOK OFF FOR THE ISLAND AND A WEEK OF DOING NOTHING BUT SLEEPING, FISHING, EATING, HUNTING AND RELAXING! NO ONE YELLING TO GET THIS DONE AND THAT DONE, UP AT 5AM AND NOT TO BED SOMETIMES TILL MIDNIGHT, NOT FOR THE NEXT WEEK!

 

I DIDN’T SEE BILL LOAD THE SHOT GUNS BEFORE WE LEFT THE DOCK!  AS WE PULLED UP UNDER THE OVERHANGING WILLOW TREES A SNAKE DROPPED INTO THE BOAT, I GRABED AN ORE AND STARTED TO SCOPE IT OUT WHEN BILL JUMPED UP WITH A SHOT GUN AND YELLED, “I’LL GET IT” AND PROCEEDED TO BLOW A N 8-10   INCH HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF THE BOAT, O YEAH, HE GOT THE SNAKE IN THE PROCESS!  NOW I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SNAKES BUT FROM THE PICTURES AND THINGS PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME IT WAS A COTTON MOUTH AND IF IT HAD LANDED ON ONE OF US COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUS EVEN DEADLY!  NEEDLESS TO SAY THE BOAT SANK WITH ALL OUR GEAR AND CLOTHES! WE JUMPED TO THE DOCK AND JUST STOOD THERE AND WATCHED IN SILENCE! THE WATER AT THAT PLACE WAS ABOUT 10 FEET DEEP!  I STRIPPED DOWN TO MY SKIVEES AND DOVE IN TO SEE WHAT I COULD SAVE BEFORE IT WAS RUINED, SHARKEY WASN’T A VERY GOOD SWIMMER!  I PULLED UP THE BOX OF CANNED GOODS, THE SLEEPING BAGS, ONE OF THE DRINKING WATER CONTAINERS, THE LANTERNS, ONE CAN OF GAS FOR THE LANTERNS, ONE SHOT GUN, WE NEVER DID FIND THE OTHER ONE WHICH WE HAD TO PAY $50.00 FOR!  WE NEVER FOUND THE ICE CHEST, OR MOST OF OUR CLOTHES WE ASSUMED THEY FLOATED AWAYUNDER WATER, THE WALKIE-TALKIE WAS SOAKED BUT WE HOPED WE COULD DRY IT OUT AND PUT OUT A CALL FOR HELP!  AS FAR AS I KNOW IT NEVER WORKED AGAIN!  THE MOTOR WAS RUNNING WHEN IT SANK SO WE ASSUMED IT WAS RUINED TOO! WE DRIED ALL THE THINGS WE COULD AND SPENT THE NEXT WEEK TRYING TO GET SOMEONES ATTENTION BUT THE LAKE WAS PRETTY WELL DESERTED THIS TIME OF YEAR!

 

FINALLY WHEN WE DIDN’T RETURN TO OUR SQUADRONS ON TIME THEY SENT OUT A SEARCH PARTY, THEY FOUND THE CARRYALL AND THE MARINA MANAGER WHO HAD GONE ON VACATION THE DAY WE GOT THERE!  THEY CAME OVER TO THE ISLAND AND WOKE US UP!  WE CAME BACK THE NEXT WEEK END AND GOT A SMALL BARGE FROM THE MARINA AND PULLED THE BOAT AND THE REST OF OUR GEAR UP EXCEPT THE OTHER SHOT GUN AND TOOK IT ALL BACK TO THE BASE IN A PICK UP! THE MARINA MANAGER SAID HE’D REPAIR THE BOTTOM OF THE BOAT FOR $20.OO SO SHARKEY AND I GAVE HIM $10.00 EACH AND FORGOT ABOUT IT!  BY THE TIME IT WAS ALL OVER IT COST US $75.00 EACH FOR THE GOVERNMENT ITEMS WE LOST OR RUINED NOT INCLUDING THE SHOT GUN WE LOST, WE GUESSED WHEN BILL PULLED THE TRIGGER IT FLEW OUT HIS HANDS AND LANDED SOMEWHERE IN THE LAKE!  AND WE  VOWED NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN, TILL NEXT TIME! LOL!

 

THERE ARE MORE THINGS INVOLVING BILL SHARKEY WHICH I’LL RELATE IN OTHER CHRONICLES!

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #26 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 26 VOL 12

JULY 26^TH 2008

WEATHER; HOT, MED HUMIDITY, 75/102 DEGREES

 

WASN’T MUCH GOING ON THIS MORNING SO I PULLED UP THE FREE CLASSIFIED FOR OUR AREA, www.texomamarketplace.com AND MADE UP AN AD FOR THE 1967 MERCEDES WE HAVE! THIS IS A REAL GOOD DEAL FOR ANYONE WANTING TO BUY, SELL, OR FIND SOMETHING, IT’S KIND OF LIKE A SHOPPER BUT IT DOESN’T COST ANYTHING! THE AD RUNS FOR A MONTH AND YOU CAN PUT PICTURES IN IT! NOW WE’LL SEE IF WE GET ANY ACTION ON IT! MOM IS GOING TO PUT IT ON “CRAIGS LIST” WHICH GOES ALL OVER I THINK!

 

NOTHING FROM “HOYTE CHRYSLER, DODGE, JEEP IN SHERMAN, TEXAS” ABOUT THE SCREWED UP MESS THEY MADE OF THE INTREPID WHEN WE HAD IT IN THEIR SHOP ON THE 10^TH OF JULY, 2008!  I’M GIVING THEM TILL THE 31^ST OF JULY 2008 TO RESPOND! IF WE DON’T HEAR ANYTHING FROM THEM BY THEN I’M GOING RIGHT TO CHRYSLER WITH THIS! CHRYSLER HAS NEW OWNERS AND FROM WHAT I’VE HEARD AND READ THEY WON’T PUT UP WITH THE KIND OF TREATMENT WE GOT AT “HOYTE’S!”

 

I WENT AND HAD MY HAIR CUT TODAY, IT WAS EITHER THAT OR GO  TO THE COUNTY FOR A DOG LICENSE! MAYBE THE DOG LICENSE WOULD BE THE WAY TO GO? THEY’RE $1.00 FOR ME FOR A YEAR! MY HAIR CUTS ARE $15.00 EVERY 5-6 WEEKS! LOL!

 

MOM HAS BEEN DOWN HELPING KELLY GO THROUGH HIS TOOLS, PUTTING THEM BACK IN THE CASES THEY BELONG IN AND IN THE MANY TOOL BOXES HE HAS! GLENDA MADE DINNER FOR US AND BROUGHT IT UP!

 

I WAS GOING TO HAVE MOM HELP ME CHANGE THE SPARK PLUGS IN THE ACCLAIM! I WANT TO TAKE THE BOSCH 4s OUT OF THE INTREPID AND PUT THEM IN THE ACCLAIM! THE INTREPID IS PRETTY EASY, THE PLUGS ARE RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN! BUT, THE ACCLAIM IS MORE DIFFICULT, HALF THE PLUGS ARE ON THE BACK OF THE ENGINE AGAINST THE FIREWALL SO THE AIR CLEANER AND ALL THE THINGS ATTACHED TO IT HAVE TO BE REMOVED! THE INTREPID ENGINE IS SET INLINE THE ACCLAIM IS SET IN CROSS WAYS!

 

THE SMALL TOWN WITNESS

A SMALL TOWN PROSECUTING ATTORNEY CALLED HIS FIRST WITNESS TO THE STAND IN A TRIAL - A GRANDMOTHERLY, ELDERLY WOMAN. HE APPROACHED HER AND ASKED, "MRS. JONES, DO YOU KNOW ME?"

SHE RESPONDED, "WHY, YES, I DO KNOW YOU MR. WILLIAMS. I'VE KNOWN YOU SINCE YOU WERE A YOUNG BOY. AND FRANKLY, YOU'VE BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME. YOU LIE, YOU CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, YOU MANIPULATE PEOPLE AND TALK ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR BACKS. YOU THINK YOU'RE A RISING BIG SHOT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T THE BRAINS TO REALIZE YOU NEVER WILL AMOUNT TO ANYTHING MORE THAN A TWO-BIT PAPER PUSHER. YES, I KNOW YOU."

THE LAWYER WAS STUNNED. NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO HE POINTED ACROSS THE ROOM AND ASKED, "MRS. WILLIAMS, DO YOU KNOW THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY?"

SHE AGAIN REPLIED, "WHY, YES I DO. I'VE KNOWN MR. BRADLEY SINCE HE WAS A YOUNGSTER, TOO. I USED TO BABY-SIT HIM FOR HIS PARENTS. AND HE, TOO, HAS BEEN A REAL DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME. HE'S LAZY, BIGOTED, HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM. THE MAN CAN'T BUILD A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE AND HIS LAW PRACTICE IS ONE OF THE SHODDIEST IN THE ENTIRE STATE. YES, I KNOW HIM."

AT THIS POINT, THE JUDGE RAPPED THE COURTROOM TO SILENCE AND CALLED BOTH COUNSELORS TO THE BENCH. IN A VERY QUIET VOICE, HE SAID WITH MENACE, "IF EITHER OF YOU ASKS HER IF SHE KNOWS ME, YOU'LL BE JAILED FOR CONTEMPT!"

 

THE FIRE DOG

A NURSERY SCHOOL TEACHER WAS DELIVERING A STATION WAGON FULL OF KIDS HOME ONE DAY WHEN A FIRE TRUCK ZOOMED PAST. SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT OF THE FIRE TRUCK WAS A DALMATION DOG.

THE CHILDREN STARTED DISCUSSING WHAT THE DOG'S DUTIES MIGHT BE.

"THEY USE HIM TO KEEP CROWDS BACK," SAID ONE YOUNGSTER.

"NO," SAID ANOTHER, "HE'S JUST FOR GOOD LUCK."

A THIRD CHILD CONCLUDED. "NO SILLY, THEY USE THE DOGS TO FIND THE FIRE HYDRANT!"

 

TWO WISHES

A MAN WALKS UP TO THE BAR WITH AN OSTRICH BEHIND HIM, AND AS HE SITS, THE BARTENDER ASKS FOR THEIR ORDER.

THE MAN SAYS, "I'LL HAVE A BEER" AND TURNS TO THE OSTRICH. "WHAT'S YOURS?"

"I'LL HAVE A BEER TOO" SAYS THE OSTRICH.

THE BARTENDER POURS THE BEER AND SAYS "THAT WILL BE $3.40 PLEASE," AND THE MAN REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PAYS WITH THE EXACT CHANGE FOR PAYMENT.

THE NEXT DAY, THE MAN AND THE OSTRICH COME AGAIN, AND THE MAN SAYS "I'LL HAVE A BEER,"

THE OSTRICH SAYS "I'LL HAVE THE SAME."

ONCE AGAIN THE MAN REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PAYS WITH EXACT CHANGE.

THIS BECAME A ROUTINE UNTIL LATE ONE EVENING, THE TWO ENTER AGAIN. "THE USUAL?" ASKS THE BARTENDER.

"WELL, IT'S CLOSE TO LAST ORDERS, SO I'LL HAVE A LARGE SCOTCH" SAYS THE MAN.

"SAME FOR ME" SAYS THE OSTRICH.

"THAT WILL BE $7.20" SAYS THE BARTENDER.

ONCE AGAIN THE MAN PULLS EXACT CHANGE OUT OF HIS POCKET AND PLACES IT ON THE BAR.

THE BARTENDER CAN'T HOLD BACK HIS CURIOSITY ANY LONGER. "EXCUSE ME, SIR. HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE EXACT CHANGE OUT OF YOUR POCKET EVERY TIME?"

"WELL," SAYS THE MAN, "SEVERAL YEARS AGO I WAS CLEANING THE ATTIC AND I FOUND THIS OLD LAMP. WHEN I RUBBED IT A GENIE APPEARED AND OFFERED ME TWO WISHES. MY FIRST WISH WAS THAT IF I EVER NEEDED TO PAY FOR ANYTHING, I JUST PUT MY HAND IN MY POCKET AND THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF MONEY WILL BE THERE."

"THAT'S BRILLIANT!" SAYS THE BARTENDER. "MOST PEOPLE WOULD WISH FOR A MILLION DOLLARS OR SOMETHING, BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE AS RICH AS YOU WANT FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!"

"THAT'S RIGHT! WHETHER IT'S A GALLON OF MILK, OR A ROLLS ROYCE, THE EXACT MONEY IS ALWAYS THERE," SAYS THE MAN.

"THAT'S FANTASTIC!" SAYS THE BARTENDER. "YOU ARE A GENIUS! OH, ONE OTHER THING SIR, WHAT'S WITH THE OSTRICH?"

THE MAN REPLIES, "OH, MY SECOND WISH WAS FOR A CHICK WITH LONG LEGS."

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #25 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 25 VOL 12

JULY 25^TH 2008

WEATHER; HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 75/99 DEGREES

 

BILL MASON LEFT THIS MORNING AFTER SPENDING 3 DAYS WITH US! THAT SURE IS A REAL NICE MOTORHOME HE BOUGHT, IT LOOKS LIKE BRAND NEW AND ONLY 54,000 MILES ON IT IT’S A 2002! COMING OUT HERE HE GOT 13-19 MPG. HE THINKS THE 13 WAS WHEN HE HAD TO PUT 87 OCTANE IN BECAUSE HE COULDN’T FIND 91! THE BOOK SAYS IT WILL GET 17-21 USING 91 OCTANE BUT HE HAS A HARD TIME FINDING 91 OCTANE ON THE ROAD WHEN IT’S TIME TO FUEL UP! I SUGGESTED HE FILL UP WHEN THE GAGE SHOWS ½ A TANK! WHEN THE FUEL LEVEL GETS BELOW ¾ IT STARTS MIXING ALL THE TRASH IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TANK BECAUSE IT’S SLOSHING AROUND MORE! WITH ½ A TANK THE SEDIMENT PRETTY WELL STAYS PUT!

HE’S PLANNING TO BE BACK FOR A LONGER VISIT BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR THEN WE’LL GO VISITING ALL THE KIDS AND FRIENDS INSTEAD OF TRYING TO CRAM TWO WEEKS VISITING INTO 3 DAYS! HE’S TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE TO TRAVEL WITH HIM AS A COMPANION, HE SAID THERE ARE A COUPLE OF PEOPLE IN THE GROUP HE RUNS WITH FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND THAT ONE OF THEM COULD BE INTERESTED!

 

THE MILEAGE IN THE ACCLAIM DROPPED FROM 22-23 TO 19.7 WITH THE LAST 2-3 FILL UPS, I CHECKED EVERYTHING OVER THIS MORNING AND FOUND THE TIRE PRESSURE WAS DOWN TO 30-31 LBS., I ALWAYS KEEP 35 IN THEM AND IT NEEDS AN OIL/FILTER CHANGE! KELLY IS GOING TO BRING THE TIRES UP TO 35 AND ADD A LITTLE FREON TO THE A/C, HE SAID WHEN HE GOT DONE DOING THE EVAPERATOR COIL AND HEATER CORE HE MAY HAVE TO PUT A LITTLE MORE FREON IN, IT JUST TAKES A LITTLE TO LONG TO START COOLING SO I ASKED HIM TO ADD WHAT WAS LEFT IN THE CAN! TOMORROW I’LL ASK MOM TO HELP ME CHANGE THE SPARK PLUGS FROM THE INTREPID TO THE ACCLAIM, I JUST PUT “BOSCH4s IN THE INTREPID AND SINCE WE’RE GOING TO BE DRIVING THE ACCLAIM TILL WE DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH THE INTREPID I FIGURED WE’D GIVE THE ACCLAIM THE ADVANTAGE OF THE BOSCH PLUGS AND THE ONES IN THE ACCLAIM HAVE BEEN IN THERE FOR OVER 15,000 MILES AND NEED CHANGING ANYHOW! THE BOSCH 4s WILL INCREASE POWER AND GAS MILEAGE ACCORDING TO THE ADVERTISEMENTS! THEY NEVER GOT A REAL CHANCE IN THE INTREPID SO WE’LL SEE HOW THE ACCLAIM DOES WITH THEM!

 

THE VOICE

A MAN WAS WALKING IN THE STREET WHEN HE HEARD A VOICE. "STOP! STAND STILL! IF YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP, A BRICK WILL FALL DOWN ON YOUR HEAD AND KILL YOU." THE MAN STOPPED AND A BIG BRICK FELL RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. THE MAN WAS ASTONISHED.

HE WENT ON, AND AFTER AWHILE HE WAS GOING TO CROSS THE ROAD. ONCE AGAIN THE VOICE SHOUTED: "STOP! STAND STILL! IF YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP A CAR WILL RUN OVER YOU AND YOU WILL DIE." THE MAN DID AS HE WAS INSTRUCTED, JUST AS A CAR CAME CAREENING AROUND THE CORNER, BARELY MISSING HIM.

"WHERE ARE YOU?" THE MAN ASKED. "WHO ARE YOU?"

"I AM YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL," THE VOICE ANSWERED.

"OH YEAH?" THE MAN ASKED. "AND WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU WHEN I GOT MARRIED?"

 

A PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION

ONE DAY, ADAM SAT OUTSIDE THE GARDEN OF EDEN SHORTLY AFTER EATING THE APPLE, AND WONDERED ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN. SO LOOKING UP TO THE HEAVENS HE SAID, "EXCUSE ME GOD, CAN I ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS?"

GOD REPLIED, "GO ON ADAM BUT BE QUICK. I HAVE A WORLD TO CREATE."

SO ADAM SAYS, "WHEN YOU CREATED EVE, WHY DID YOU MAKE HER BODY SO CURVED AND TENDER UNLIKE MINE?"

"I DID THAT, ADAM, SO THAT YOU COULD LOVE HER."

"OH, WELL THEN, WHY DID YOU GIVE HER LONG, SHINY, BEAUTIFUL HAIR, AND NOT ME?"

"I DID THAT ADAM SO THAT YOU COULD LOVE HER."

"OH, WELL THEN, WHY DID YOU MAKE HER SO STUPID CERTAINLY NOT SO THAT I COULD LOVE HER"

"WELL, ADAM NO. I DID THAT SO THAT SHE COULD LOVE YOU."

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #24 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 24 VOL 12

JULY 24^TH 2008

WEATHER; HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 73/98 DEGREES

 

NOT MUCH GOING ON TODAY! WE’RE GOING TO TAKE BILL OUT TO DINNER AT “THE LOOSE WHEEL!” WE’RE SURE HE’LL ENJOY IT WITH THE HUGE MOTORCYCLE THEY HAVE OUT IN FRONT TO THE LITTLE MO-PED THEY HAVE HANGING FOM THE WALL TO THE BEAUTIFUL CHOPPER THEY HAVE GOING AROUND ON THE TURN TABLE ON THE ROOF OF THE BAR! IT’S A REAL EXPERIENCE AND THE PRICES ARE RIGHT FOR THE FOOD!

 

AS WE WALKED UP TO THE ENTRANCE WE MET OUR OLD BANKER, CLYDE TODD. ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS HE SAID TO ME WAS “I  WISH YOU WERE STILL IN THE AUTO ELECTRIC BUSINESS!” WE VISITED FOR A WHILE AND HE RELATED TO ME ALL THE PROBLEMS HE’S HAVING WITH HIS 1941 CHEVY! I GAVE HIM MY PHONE NUMBER AND TOLD HIM TO GIVE ME A CALL AND MAYBE WE COULD GET TOGETHER  WE PARTED AND WENT INSIDE TO GET DINNER!

CLYDE IS AN OLD CAR BUFF AND HAS RESTORED A 1941 CHEVY 4 DOOR! HE ADDED A 1967 CORVETTE ENGINE AND HAD A SPECIAL WIRING HARNESS BUILT FOR IT SO HE COULD USE AN 1988 CORVETTE COMPUTER SYSTEM. (WHY I DON’T KNOW) BUT HE’S HAVING ELECTRICALPROBLEMS WITH IT! IT BURNS OUT AN ALTERNATOR EVERY 5-6 MONTH AND NOW, IF HE LEAVES THE BATTERY CONNECTED IT RUNS DOWN OVER NIGHT! THE ALTERNATOR AND THE BATTERY GOING DEAD WON’T BE A BIG PROBLEM BUT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE COMPUTER OR THE CROSS BREEDING OF THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS MAY TAKE A LITTLE MORE THINKING ON MY PART! HE MENTIONED IT HAS A SLIGHT HESITATION COMING AWAY FROM A STOP (LIKE A BAD ACCELERATOR PUMP IN THE OLD CARBURATOR SYSTEM) AND I MENTIONED IT COULD BE THE PICK UP PLATE IN THE DISTRIBUTOR BUT HE SAID HE ALREADY CHANGED THAT SO, THAT’S ANOTHER THING I’LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT!

IT SURE WAS GOOD TO HAVE SOMEBODY WHO KNEW WHAT I DID FOR A LIVING FOR SO LONG REMEMBERED ME AND HAD ENOUGH CONFIDENCE IN ME TO ASK FOR MY HELP!

 

BILL IS LEAVING EARLY IN THE MORNING SO WE SAID OUR GOOD- BYS THIS EVENING! HE BROUGHT US A NIGHT LIGHT THAT HAS MOVING FISH IN IT THEN TONIGHT HE GAVE ME A CHINESE PUZZLE AND A NEW BELT WITH A SLIP BUCKLE AND ADJUSTMENT FOR SIZE! I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT FROM HIM, IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A BIRTHDAY OR CHRISTMAS HE JUST LIKE GIVING AND DOING THINGS FOR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE IT!

LAST NIGHT AT COLLEEN AND DICKS HE DID SOME MAGIC AND TOLD SOME OF HIS FAMOUS STORIES! HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT THINGS HE HAS DONE BUT THINGS OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE! WORKING IN THE MOVIE STUDIOS AND WITH THE ACTORS HE COULD PROBABLY TELL SOME PRETTY WILD STORIES ABOUT CELEBRITIES BUT HE DOESN’T, HE JUST MAKES REMARKS LIKE, “OH YEAH, I WORKED WITH JOHN WAYNE ON SUCH AND SUCH A MOVIE! NOT THAT HE WAS IN THE MOVIE WITH JOHN WAYNE BUT THAT HE DROVE HIS MOTOR HOME TO THE SET OR HE HAD TO GO DRIVE HIS NEW CAR FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER! HE’S LIKE GARY LATINIS, WHEN THEY WANT SOMEBODY TO HAUL A LOAD OR DO SOMETHING SPECIAL THEY CALL ON PEOPLE LIKE BILL AND GARY, PEOPLE WHO ARE CAREFUL AND CONSIDERATE!

 

DRIVING OFFENSE

THE POLICEMAN COULDN'T BELIEVE HIS EYES AS HE SAW THE WOMAN DRIVE PAST HIM, BUSILY KNITTING. QUICKLY HE PULLED ALONG THE VEHICLE, WOUND DOWN HIS WINDOW AND SHOUTED "PULL OVER!"

"NO" SHE REPLIED, "THEY'RE SOCKS!"

 

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BOOKED A CHEAP FLIGHT WHEN?

AS YOU BOARD THE PLANE, YOU NOTICE THE CO-PILOT IS FROWNING AND WEARING AN "I'M WITH STUPID" T-SHIRT.

THE CAPTAIN ANNOUNCES OVER THE INTERCOM THE FLIGHT IS DELAYED WHILE HE LOOKS FOR HIS KEYS.

THE AIRLINE MECHANICS, WEARING PROPELLER BEANIES, SEEM TO BE POINTING AND LAUGHING AN AWFUL LOT, AND DRINKING SOMETHING FROM INSIDE BROWN PAPER BAGS.

THE GROUND CREW ARE SEEN USING PENNIES TO CHECK TIRE WEAR

A MAN WITH AN OILY RAG HANGING FROM THE BACK POCKET OF HIS DIRTY COVERALLS, AND SADLY SHAKING HIS HEAD, TURNS OUT TO BE THE AIRLINE'S C.E.O.

A VOICE ON P.A. SYSTEM WARNS YOU TO KEEP YOUR HEADS AND ARMS INSIDE THE AIRCRAFT AT ALL TIMES, WHILE THE PLANE IS IN MOTION.

JUMPER CABLES ARE DANGLING FROM THE DOOR TO THE COCKPIT.

A MAN IN CLERICAL GARB WALKS THRU THE PLANE SPRINKLES ALL THE PASSENGERS WITH WATER, MUMBLING SOMETHING IN LATIN THEN EXITS LAUGHING.

A TELEPHONE WITH A REALLY LONG CORD CONNECTS THE PLANE TO THE CONTROL TOWER.

 

   THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #23 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 23 VOL 12

JULY 23^RD 2008

WEATHER; HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 74/99 DEGREES

 

BILL AND I WENT OUT TO JIM AND CONNIE HARMONS TODAY IN THE MOTOR HOME! I MADE A MISTAKE THE OTHER DAY WHEN I REPORTED THE NAME WAS “RIALTO”, IT’S ACTUALLY “REALTA” AND  IS THE TOP OF THE LINE FROM WINNEBAGO!

HARMON HAS BUILT A NEW DEVICE TO TAKE THE PLACE OF THE BIG TUBE HE HAD THAT YOU RODE A SLED TYPE OF PLATFORM INTO! THIS ONE IS A SERIES OF CIRCLES, 2” THICK BY 6” WIDE, THERE IS 37,000 FEET OF #22 COPPER WIRE WOUND IN EACH ONE OF THE CIRCLES!

I WENT INTO IT ON THE LITTLE FLAT CAR AND THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE FROM WHAT I REMEMBER THE TUBE GIVING ME, THIS ONE WAS MORE POWERFUL AND WHEN I WENT IN I WAS HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF PAIN IN MY RIGHT KNEE AND HOPED I COULD GET HOME AND GET MY KNEE WRAP BEFORE IT WENT OUT! WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE DEVICE I DIDN’T HAVE ANY PAIN IN MY RIGHT KNEE!

WE GOT HOME AND PICKED UP MOM TO GO TO DINNER! WE WENT TO DUVHOUL’S (SP?). THEY’RE IN WHAT USED TO BE BESHIER’S JEWELRY STORE AND, NEXT TO THE OLD “STARDUST BALL ROOM” THAT MOM THE KIDS AND I BUILT OUT OF THE OLD “STATE” THEATER IN DOWNTOWN DENISON!

FROM THERE WE WENT OUT TO VISIT COLLEEN AND DICK, DICK TOOK BILL ON A “COOKS” TOUR OF HIS PROPERTY AND SHOWED HIM HIS AIRPLANES AND ALL THE CARS, NEW AND OLD HE HAS IN SOME OF THE BUILDINGS! WHEN THEY GOT BACK BILL SHOWED THEM SOME OF THE MAGIC TRICKS HE DOES FOR KIDS AND ELDERLY PEOPLE WHO ARE IN HOSPITALS, NURSING HOMES AND ASSISTED LIVING FACILITIES! I’M NOT SURE BILL REALIZES JUST HOW GOOD HE IS AT THIS? ALL HE SAYS IS THAT HE LIKES TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD AND SEE THEM LAUGH WHICH THEY DO! HE DOESN’T JUST SHOW A MAGIC TRICK, HE BRINGS THE PEOPLE INTO THE ACT AND MAKES THEM A PART OF IT!

 

WE GOT HOME ABOUT 9:30 AND BILL SAID HE WAS GOING TO BED. HE’D BEEN UP SINCE 4AM STRAIGHTENING UP THE MOTOR HOME, MOVING THINGS TO WHERE THEY’LL BE HANDY FOR HIM WHILE DRIVING! I WAS HOPING HE’D STAY TILL SATURDAY BUT HE TOLD DICK AND I HE WOULD BE LEAVING THURSDAY MORNING! I HATE TO SEE HIM GO BUT I UNDERSTAND, HE ONLY BROUGHT ENOUGH OF HIS MEDICATION FOR 14 DAYS AND HAS TO BE HOME IN TIME TO GET MORE!

I HOPE SHANNON WILL GET OUT HERE TOMORROW TO VISIT WITH HIM! I KNOW SHE HAS TO TAKE ANOTHER SLEEP TEST AND HAVE HER FOOT LOOKED AT!

 

I’LL WAIT TILL AFTER BILL LEAVES TO DO ANYTHING ON THE INTREPID! I WANT TO GET THE LEFT FRONT TURN SIGNAL WORKING AND MAYBE PULL THE PLENAM AND SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM WITH THE INJECTORS IS? IF I WANT THIS DONE I’M GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF! I’LL TAKE IT EASY AND STAY OUT OF THE SUN BY PULLING THE CAR DOWN UNDER THE CEDER TREE AND USE THE BIG UMBRELLA! IF I GET TIRED I’LL SET DOWN FOR A WHILE! I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN DO THIS BY BEING CAREFUL AND NOT OVERDOING IT! I’M NOT ON A TIME SCHEDUAL!

 

TRUTH IN YOUTH

A SMALL BOY WAS LOST, SO HE WENT UP TO A POLICEMAN AND SAID, "I'VE LOST MY DAD!"
THE COPPER SAID, "WHAT'S HE LIKE?"
THE LITTLE BOY REPLIED, "BEER AND FOOTBALL!"

 

GETTING USED TO IT

YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT A NEW BRIDE WHO WAS A BIT EMBARRASSED TO BE KNOWN AS A HONEYMOONER. SO WHEN SHE AND HER HUSBAND PULLED UP TO THE HOTEL, SHE ASKED HIM IF THERE WAS ANY WAY THAT THEY COULD MAKE IT APPEAR THAT THEY HAD BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME.
HE RESPONDED, "SURE. YOU CARRY THE SUITCASES!"

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #22 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER22 VOL 2

JULY 22 2008

WEATHER; HOT, MEDIMUM HUMIDITY,74/99 DEGREES

 

BILL GOT THE MOTOR HOME MOVED TO THE DRIVEWAY AND PUT THE BLOCKS UNDER THE REAR WHEELS AND GOT WITH IN HALF A BUBBLE OF LEVEL! HE SAID THAT IS WITHIN WHAT’S NEEDED FOR THE REFRIGEATOR TO WORK!

BILL, MOM AND I GOT IN THE INTREPID AND TOOK A RIDE UP TO THE CHOCHTAW CASSINO COMPLEX FOR BILL TO SEE! HE WAS IMPRESSED WITH WHAT THEY HAVE ACCOMPOLISHED SINCE THE LAST TIME HE WAS HERE! THEN WE HEADED FOR LATINIS. WE GOT THERE JUST AS GARY JUST FINISHED UP PUTTING BOTH NEW  MUFFLER’S ON THE PETERBILT, HE SAID HE’D NEVER HAVE TO DO THAT AGAIN, THE FIRST ONES LASTED NINE YEARS AND HE FIGURED HE’D BE OUT OF THE BUSINESS BY THEN!

 

WE LEFT LATINIS AND HEADED HOME AND, THE CAR STARTED ACTING UP AGAIN! ON THE WAY TO CHOCTAW IT WAS ACTING UP BUT WHEN WE HEADED TO LATINIS FROM THERE IT STARTED RUNNING FINE, ALL THE WAY TO LATINIS I DIDN’T HAVE TO TOUCH THE ACCELERATOR ONCE EXCEPT COMING OFF A STOP BUT ONCE I GOT IT ON CRUISE IT WAS FINE! I TALKED TO MIKE AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THESE NEWER CARS SO I GUESS IT’S GOING TO BE UP TO ME TO FIGURE IT OUT AND THEN FIX IT!

 

BILL’S CLEANING UP HIS MOTOR HOME WHILE I GET CAUGHT UP ON THIS CHRONICLE! I WAS SO EXHAUSTED LAST NIGHT THAT I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR WHILE DOING THIS ONE, I’D FALLEN ASLEEP AND WAS LEANED BACK IN MY CHAIR WHEN I STARTED TO FALL OVER BACKWARDS AND WOKE UP! NEEDLESS TO SAY I WENT RIGHT TO BED AND GOT UP AT 7:15 THIS MORNING AND FELT FINE SO, NOW YOU KNOW WHY THIS CHRONICLE IS LATE GETTING TO YOU!

 

THIS EVENING WE’RE GOING TO GO VISIT COLLEEN AND DICK BUT, ON THE WAY BILL WANTS TO TAKE US OUT TO DINNER! HE SAYS HE WANTS TO REPAY MOM FOR THE GOOD MEALS SHE HAS BEEN FIXING FOR US! MOM SAYS THEY’RE NO DIFFERENT THAN SHE FIXES FOR HER AND I EVERYDAYI HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE’LL GO!

 

TIM SAID THEY WOULD COME BACK UP ON STURDAY IF BILL WAS STILL HERE BUT, I THINK HE;S PLANNING ON LEAVING WEDNESDAY, HE ONLY HAS SO MANY MEDICATIONS FOR THE TRIP AND HE HAS TO GET HOME TO GET THE PRESCRIPTIOND REFILLED AND HIS DOCTORS TAKE CARE OF THAT!

 

I’M HOPING WE’LL HAVE A CHANCE TO GET OUT TO JIM AND CONNIE HARMONS! BILL REALLY LIKED THE THINGS JIM DOES! ESPECIALLY THAT JIM AND CONNIE BUILT THE HANGER BY THEM SELVES! HE HASN’T SEEN THE HOUSE THEY BUILT!

 

SLEEPING ROUGH

A POLICE CHIEF, A FIRE CHIEF AND A CITY MANAGER WERE TRAVELING TOGETHER BY CAR TO A MUNICIPAL MANAGEMENT CONFERENCE IN A DISTANT CITY. THEIR CAR BROKE DOWN IN A RURAL AREA, AND THEY WERE FORCED TO SEEK SHELTER FOR THE NIGHT AT A NEARBY FARMHOUSE.

THE FARMER WELCOMED THEM IN BUT CAUTIONED THEM THAT THERE WERE ONLY TWO SPARE BEDS, AND THAT ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE BARN WITH THE FARM ANIMALS. AFTER A SHORT CONFERENCE, THE POLICE CHIEF AGREED TO TAKE THE BARN.

SHORTLY AFTER RETIRING, A KNOCK WAS HEARD ON THE DOOR OF THE FARMHOUSE. THE PARTY INSIDE ANSWERED TO FIND THE POLICE CHIEF STANDING THERE, COMPLAINING THAT HE COULD NOT SLEEP. THERE WERE PIGS IN THE BARN, HE SAID, AND HE WAS REMINDED OF THE DAYS WHEN EVERYONE CALLED HIM A PIG. THE FIRE CHIEF THEN VOLUNTEERED TO EXCHANGE WITH THE POLICE CHIEF.

A SHORT TIME LATER, ANOTHER KNOCK WAS HEARD AT THE DOOR. THE FIRE CHIEF COMPLAINED THAT THE COWS IN THE BARN REMINDED HIM OF MRS. O'LEARY'S COW THAT STARTED THE CHICAGO FIRE, AND THAT EVERY TIME HE STARTED TO GO TO SLEEP, HE STARTED TO HAVE A FIREMAN'S WORST NIGHTMARE, THAT OF BURNING TO DEATH. THE CITY ATTORNEY, IN DESPERATION FOR SLEEP, THEN AGREED TO SLEEP IN THE BARN.

THIS SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA UNTIL A FEW MINUTES LATER, WHEN ANOTHER KNOCK WAS HEARD AT THE DOOR. WHEN THE OCCUPANTS ANSWERED THE DOOR, THERE STOOD THE VERY INDIGNANT COWS AND PIGS.

 

PRESIDENTIAL ACCIDENT

ONE DAY THE PRESIDENT WAS OUT JOGGING AND ACCIDENTALLY FELL FROM A RIDGE INTO A VERY COLD RIVER. THREE BOYS, PLAYING ALONG THE RIVER, SAW THE ACCIDENT. WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT, THEY JUMPED IN THE WATER AND DRAGGED THE WET PRESIDENT OUT OF THE RIVER.

AFTER CLEANING UP HE SAID, "BOYS, YOU SAVED THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES TODAY. YOU DESERVE A REWARD. YOU NAME IT, I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU."

THE FIRST BOY SAID, "PLEASE, I'D LIKE A TICKET TO DISNEYLAND!"

"I'LL PERSONALLY HAND IT TO YOU," SAID MR. PRESIDENT.

"I'D LIKE A PAIR OF NIKE AIR TURBOS," THE SECOND BOY SAID.

"I'LL BUY THEM MYSELF AND GIVE THEM TO YOU," SAID THE GRATEFUL PRESIDENT.

"AND I'D LIKE A WHEELCHAIR WITH A STEREO IN IT," SAID THE THIRD BOY.

"I'LL PERSONALLY ... WAIT A SECOND, SON, YOU'RE NOT HANDICAPPED!"

"NO -- BUT I WILL BE WHEN MY DAD FINDS OUT I SAVED YOU FROM DROWNING."

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #21 VOL 12

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 21 VOL 12

JULY 21^ST 2008

WEATHER; HOT MED HUMIDITY, 73/99 DEGREES

 

WE GOT UP AND WENT TO 8AM MASS THEN BREAKFAST AT THE LOCAL RESTAURANT HERE, BOBBY’S! THEY SURE DON’T WANT YOU TO GO AWAY HUNGRY. I HAD TO BRING SOME OF MINE HOME IN A DOGGIE BOX!

WE WERE GOING TO TAKE THE INTREPID TO TOWN AND GO BY SHANNONS THEN TO THE STORE BUT WHILE I WAS PUTTING INJECTOR CLEANER IN THE GAS TANK I LOOKED DOWN AND THE RIGHT REAR TIRE IS FLAT! NEITHER MOM NOR I ARE ABLE TO JACK IT UP TO GET IT OFF AND TAKE IT TO BE FIXED SO I WAITED TILL KELLY GOT HOME AND ASKED HIM TO CHECK IT OUT! HE HAD IT FIXED BEFORE 6PM BUT, WE DIDN’T TAKE THE INTREPID OUT LIKE WE WERE GOING TO!  I GOT A CALL FROM BILL MASON AND HE WAS ON 287 NORTH OF WHITCHATA FALLS HEADED OUR WAY! HE GOT HERE ABOUT 9:30 PM! WE SAT AND VISITED FOR A WHILE AND MOM WANTED TO KNOW IF SHE COULD GET US ANYTHING BEFORE SHE WENT TO BED AND I ASKED HER IF SHE WAS GOING TO MAKE UP THE COUCH FOR BILL? SHE LOOKED AT HIM THEN BACK AT ME AND BILL SAID, “I’M TAKEN CARE OF, DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME,” I LOOKED AT HIM AND HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO SLEEP IN HIS COACH! MOM SAID I DIDN’T SEE WHAT HE DROVE IN WITH, A 22 FT MINI MOTOR HOME, TOP OF THE LINE WINNABAGO, A RIALTO WIDE BODY MODEL (3 FEET WIDER THAN THE NORMAL ONES)!   HE TOOK ME OUT TO LOOK AT IT, IF YOU’VE NEVER BEEN IN ONE YOU NEED TO GO FIND ONE AND LOOK AT IT! I NEVER REALIZE HOW COMPACT THESE THING WERE, AND FUNCTIONAL! IT’S GOT A VW V6 ENGINE, GETS 17-21 MPG AND HE SAYS NO MATTER WHAT IT DOESN’T WANDER ALL OVER THE ROAD!

 

TOMORRW I’LL TAKE HIM AND WE’LL GO RUNNING AROUND IN THE INTREPID, I WANT TO SEE IF THE INJECTOR CLEANER DOES ANY GOOD! AND TIM SAID HE ADJUSTED THE TRANSMISSION ITH THE DRB II, IT’S AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH THAT PIECE OF EQUIPMENT!

 

LOOPHOLES

A LAWYER WAS ON HIS DEATHBED IN HIS BEDROOM, AND HE CALLED TO HIS WIFE. SHE RUSHED IN AND SAID, "WHAT IS IT, HONEY?"

HE TOLD HER TO RUN AND GET THE BIBLE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. BEING A RELIGIOUS WOMAN, SHE THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA. SHE RAN AND GOT IT, PREPARED TO READ HIM HIS FAVORITE VERSE OR SOMETHING OF THE SORT. HE SNATCHED IT FROM HER AND BEGAN QUICKLY SCANNING PAGES, HIS EYES DARTING RIGHT AND LEFT.

THE WIFE WAS CURIOUS, SO SHE ASKED, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HONEY?"

HE SHOUTED "I'M LOOKING FOR LOOPHOLES!"

 

HER FIRST DEER

AS PART OF THEIR "RANCH" HOLIDAY, A GUY TAKES HIS WIFE HUNTING. WHEN THEY REACH THEIR DEER BLINDS, THE GUY SAYS, "IF YOU SHOOT A DEER, BE SURE YOU DON'T LET ANYBODY ELSE SAY HE'S THE ONE WHO SHOT IT. OTHERWISE, HE'LL TAKE THE DEER FROM YOU. THE DEER BELONGS TO WHOEVER SHOOTS IT."

THE GUY GOES TO HIS OWN BLIND. TEN MINUTES LATER, HE HEARS HIS WIFE SHOOTING FROM HER BLIND NEARBY.

HE RUSHES OVER AND FINDS HER POINTING HER RIFLE AT A COWBOY WHO'S SHOUTING, "OKAY, LADY, OKAY! YOU CAN HAVE THE DEER! JUST LEMME GET MY SADDLE OFF IT!"

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD