DAILY CHRONICLE # 30 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 30 VOL4

NOVEMBER 30^TH 2007

WEATHER; COOL, LOW HUMIDITY, 67 DEGREES

26 MORE DAYS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO GET THE MISSES.

I WORKED ON THE ’91 ACCLAIM MOST OF THE DAY BUT TO NO AVAIL, IT STILL HAS THE SAME PROBLEM WITH AN ADDED TWIST, NOW THE 4WAY BLINKERS FLASH ALL THE TIME WHEN THE BATTERY IS HOOKED UP. I TALKED TO TIM AND HE THINKS THE REMOTE STARTER SYSTEM HE INSTALLED HAS LOST ITS PROGRAM AND DOESN’T KNOW WHICH FUNCTION TO COMPLETE SO TOMORROW MOM AND I WILL ATTEMPT TO DE-PROGRAM AND RE-PROGRAM IT. MOM PULLED THE WHOLE MANUAL UP ON THE INTERNET AND IT TELLS HOW TO DO THIS. NOW, IF I CAN JUST FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS OR BETTER YET WILL MOM BE ABLE TO FOLLOW THEM, I’LL BE THE ONE WATCHING THE TURN SIGNALS AND TELLING MOM WHEN TO STOP AND GO ON TO ANOTHER SECTION. I HAVE A HARD TIME TRANSFERING WHAT I READ TO WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT.

I WAS GOING TO DO ALL THE OUTSIDE LIGHT TODAY BUT THE DAMN CAR HAS GOT TO BE FIXED, IF I WAS TO TAKE IT TO A SHOP I’M AFRAID THE LABOR BILL WOULD BE MORE THAN THE CARS WORTH. WE USED TO GET THIS KIND OF JOB IN WHEN WE HAD THE AUTO ELECTRIC BUSINESS AND I WOULD GIVE A PRICE AND DO MY BEST TO STAY WITHIN IT BUT SOMETIMES IT WOULD EAT OUR LUNCH TO STAY WITHIN THE ESTIMATE BUT WE DID. IF I COULD STILL GET UNDER DASH BOARD AND CRAWL AROUND CARS I KNOW I COULD FIX THIS PROBLEM BUT I JUST CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE AND IT REALLY UPSETS ME. SO, TOMORROW MOM AND I WILL SEE HOW MUCH WE LEARNED WHEN WE HAD THE BUSINESS. I CAN’T COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES I HAD TO HAVE MOM COME AND HELP ME DO A JOB I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO LIKE THE NUT ON A VW GENERATOR, NO WAY I COULD GET MY BIG MIT BEHIND THE SHROUD BUT MOM COULD, OR LAY ON THE FLOOR BOARD AND WORK UP UNDER THE DASH REMOVING LIGHTS AND FINDING BURNED WIRES AND FUSES, SHE’S DONE IT ALL AND THEN ANSWER THE PHONE AND TROUBLE SHOT A PROBLEM A CUSTOMER HAD, OF COURSE SHE HEARD ME DO THAT AND IT HELPED HER. WHEN SHE’D TELL A CUSTOMER TO CHECK THE FUSE IN A LITTLE ACORN LOOKING THING IN THE WIRE BEHIND THE BATTERY ON G.M. PICK UPS TO SEE IF THE 4AMP FUSE WAS BLOWN AND ON THE OTHER SIDE BEHIND THE HEADLIGHT FOR THE SAME THING, IF THE FUSES ARE BLOWN THAT’S WHY YOUR AMP METER DOESN’T READ CHARGE OR DISCHARGE THEY DIDN’T BELIEVE HER SO SHE WOULD GET ME AND WHEN I TOLD THEM THE SAME THING THE NEXT TIME THEY CALLED THEY WOULD ASK FOR HER, NOT ME. WE WERE AND ARE A GOOD PAIR!

NOW TO THE PACKER/COWBOY GAME TONIGHT; I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE SCORE WOULD HAVE BEEN IF FAVRE HADN’T GOT HURT IN THE 2^ND QUARTER BUT I CAN’T TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM THEIR BACK UP, ARRON ROGERS, HE JUST DAMN NEAR BEAT THE COWBOYS, HE THREW FOR 209 YARDS AND ONE TOUCHDOWN AND ENGINEERED ANOTHER RUNNING TOUCHDOWN. IF HE WOULD HAVE HAD MORE TIME TO GO OVER TEAM PLAYS AND THE OTHER PLAYERS KNEW HIM AND HIS METHODS BETTER THEY COULD HAVE DONE IT. HE’S A COMER AND I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED TO SEE GREEN BAY START USING HIM MORE AND GIVE FAVRE A LITTLE REST. HE (FAVRE) SAID IN THE POST GAME INTERVIEW HE HAS NO FEELING IN THE TWO OUTSIDE FINGERS OF HIS RIGHT HAND AND ALSO A LEFT SHOULDER SEPERATION AND HE’S 38 YEARS OLD AND DOESN’T HEAL AS FAST AS HE USED TO.

I CAN’T LEAVE TONY ROMO OUT OF THIS REPORT, HE THREW FOR 300 YARDS AND 4 TOUCHDOWNS AND 1 INTERCEPTION AND SOFAR HAS ALL THE COWBOY RECORDS WITH 4 GAMES AND TO PLAYOFFS TO GO. I HATE TO SAY IT BUT IF HE STAYS HEALTHY HE’LL START TO BREAK SOME OF FAVRE’S RECORDS. FAVRE ON THE OTHER HAND HAS BROKEN JUST ABOUT ALL THE OLD EXISTING RECORDS IN THE NFL/NFC AND IS SETTING NEW ONES IN EVERY GAME.

YOU KNOW, ONE THING I’VE NOTICED ABOUT THE TWO OF THEM, THEY’RE NOT BRAGGERTS AND THEY KNOW IT IS A TEAM EFFORT TO WIN. THEY ALSO RESPECT EACH OTHER AND THAT’S WHAT AMERICAN SPORTS IS ALL ABOUT. PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES CAN’T UNDERSTAND HOW AFTER A HARD FOUGHT FOOTBALL GAME THE CONTESTANTS GO TO MEET AND GREET EACH OTHER WITH HUGS, SLAP ON THE BUTT, HAND SHAKE AND A SLAP ON THE SHOULDER, THIS DRIVES THE FOREIGNERS CRAZY. AFTER A HARD FOUGHT CRICKET GAME THEY JUMP IN AND HELP THE FANS TEAR DOWN THE STADIUM THEN THEY GET INTO KNOCK DOWN DRAGOUT BRAWLS.

THAT’S “30”FOR THIS ISSUE.

THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TRIES TO INSULT YOU, SMILE AND SHAKE YOUR HEAD YES, IT’LL DRIVE THEM UP THE WALL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY YOU’RE BEING SO CORDIAL!

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #29 VOL4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 29 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 29^TH 2007

WEATHER; COOL, LOW HUMIDITY, 60 DEGREES

26 MORE SHOPPING DAYS TILL JOLLY OLD SAINT NICK FALLS DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY AND WAKES UP ALL THE KIDS.

IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD DAY FOR THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT. WE TOOK THE CAR TO THE LOCAL CAR WASH AND REALLY GAVE THE TROUBLESOME ACCESSORY BELT A GOOD WASHING WITH DEGREASER AND HOT SOAP AND WATER. NO OIL LEFT ON THAT SUCKER BUT, IT WILL BE COATED AGAIN IN A FEW DAYS BECAUSE OF THE OIL PUMP SEAL WE NEED TO REPLACE SO I’M GOING TO HAVE TO SET UP A ROUTINE AND DO IT EVERY WEEK TILL WE GET THE SEAL CHANGED OR WE GET THE INTREPID READY TO GO.

THE MESSAGE IS COMING THRU LOUD AND CLEAR. THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT STAYS ON ALL THE TIME NOW, WE WENT TO AUTO ZONE TO HAVE THEM PUT THEIR ANALYZER ON THE SYSTEM BUT THEY DON’T HAVE THE ONE FOR OUR CAR, THEY ONLY GO FROM 96 UP NOW. SO, WE LEFT THERE AND WENT TO HOME DEPOT AND BOUGHT A NEW ELECTRIC STAPLER/NAIL GUN. AS ALWAYS, I LIKE TO LOOK AT THE CHRISTMAS THINGS, WELL WE PICK UP A NEW LIGHT SYSTEM CALLED NET LIGHTS, IT’S A 4’X6’ NET WITH LIGHTS AT ALL THE CROSSES WE GOT 4 AND WE’RE GOING TO HANG THEM ON THE RAILINGS ON THE RAMP, THEN MOM FOUND SOME BUBBLE LIGHTS AND THEY’LL GO AROUND THE DECK COVER. WHEN WE LEFT HOME DEPOT IT TOOK ABOUT 100 REVOLUTIONS TO GET THE ENGINE STARTED, IT USUALLY STARTS ON THE 3^RD OR 4^TH  REVOLUTION, NOW, IT SETS UP TO 2100 RPM AND TAKES ABOUT 1 MINUTE TO COME DOWN WHERE YOU CAN PUT IT IN GEAR. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON BUT I KNOW WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND OUT AND FIX IT OR MOVE OUR TIME SCHEDULE AHEAD AND GET THE INTREPID RUNNING! OTHER THAN MINOR THINGS THIS IS THE MOST TROUBLE WE’VE HAD WITH THIS CAR IN A LITTLE OVER 50,000 MILES! I HAD KELLY PULL THE NEGATIVE BATTERY CABLE LOSE AND LAY IT OFF TO THE SIDE NOW, WE’LL SEE IF THE COMPUTERS NEEDED TO BE RE-SET! I KNOW IF I HAVE TROUBLE WITH MY P/C I JUST DISCONNECT IT AND HOOK IT BACK UP AND EVERYTHING IS OK, I’LL KNOW IN THE MORNING!

WE WATCHED THE REPUBLICAN DEBATE TONIGHT, IT WAS REAL INTERESTING, I BELIEVE IN LOOKING AT THE COMPETITION TO SEE WHAT THEIR DOING. ONE THING I DID NOTICE WAS THEY MENTIONED PRESIDENT BUSH TWICE BUT HILLARY WAS MENTIONED AT LEAST TEN TIMES. SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THEY’RE RUNNING SCARED AND I DIDN’T GET THE IMPRESSION THAT ANY ONE OF THEM WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING HER IN A BATTLE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. I THINK THE ONE WITH THE BEST CREDENTIALS TO TAKE HILLARY ON IF SHE GETS THE NOMINATION IS SENATOR JOHN McCain. OF THE EIGHT THAT WERE ON THE STAGE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN’T THROUGH ANY MUD, HE GOT A LITTLE HOT ABOUT THE TORTURE THING BUT HE’S BEEN THERE, HE WAS A GUEST AT THE HANOI HILTON FOR 5 YEARS AND KNOWS ABOUT TORTURE. HE MENTIONED THE GENEVA CONVENTION BUT, THE TERRORISTS DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, HIS CONTENTION IF I READ HIM RIGHT IS THAT WE SHOULD GO BY THE CONVENTION EVEN THOUGH THE TERRORISTS DON’T. I HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THAT. I REMEMBER THE JAPANESE NEVER SIGNED THE CONVENTION AND CONSEQUENTLY COMMITTED HORRIBLE ATROCITIES AGAINST OUR GIs, BATTAN DEATH MARCH, IWO JIMA, TARAWA, GUADALCANAL AND OTHER PLACES. OF COURSE THERE WERE ATROCITIES COMMITTED BY SOME OF OUR MEN ALSO BUT NOT ON AN OFFICIAL BASES, THEY WERE COMMITTED BY INDIVIDUALS WHO HAD SEEN THING THAT THEY COULDN’T HANDLE AND WENT OFF THE DEEP END! THE JAPANESE OFFICERS TOOK AN ACTIVE PART IN BE-HEADING AND STARVING THE PRISONERS ALONG WITH OTHER INHUMANE THINGS! I’M SURE MY BROTHER JERRY COULD TELL OF SOME THINGS HE SAW ON MUNDA OR BOGAINVILLE IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC WHERE HE WAS IN 1943-44! I’M NOT TRYING TO START ANY ARGUMENTS I’M JUST REPORTING WHAT I SAW AND WHAT EFFECT IT WILL HAVE ON SOME PEOPLES THINKING! I REMEMBER WHAT MY WIFE SAID, NO POLITICAL OR RELIGEOUS ARGUMENTS SO LIKE I SAID IT’S FYI!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #28 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 28 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 28^TH 2007

WEATHER; COOL, MED HUMIDITY, 61 DEGREES

JUST 27 SHOPPING DAYS TILL THE GUY IN THE RED SUIT COMES A CALLIN’.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON BUT WE SEEM TO BE GETTING A MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE! YESTERDAY IT WAS THE “CHECK ENGINE” LIGHT STARTED TO GO ON, TODAY MOM HAD TO GO IN AT 5AM AND TAKE SHANNON AND KONNER TO THE HOSPITAL FOR HIS SURGERY. WHEN SHE HEADED HOME THE ACCESSORY BELT THAT RUNS THE ALTERNATOR AND THE POWER STEERING PUMP CAME OFF, MOM LIMPED HOME WITH NO POWER STEERING OR ALTERNATOR. WE HAVE A VERY GOOD BATTERY IN THE CAR BUT HAVE NO WAY TO TURN THE P/S PUMP. NOW WE REMEMBERED WE MUST PICK UP HALEY JO AT PRE SCHOOL, THERE IS NO WAY I CAN PUT THE BELT BACK ON SO I CALLED OLD STAND BY KELLY. HE COULDN’T GET OFF TO DO IT BUT HE CALLED GLENDA’S DAUGHTER AND SHE PICKED UP HALEY JO. KELLY GOT HOME ABOUT 5:45 AND WENT TO WORK PUTTING THE BELT BACK ON THE PULLEYS. WE’VE GOT TO CHANGE THE OIL PUMP SEAL SO THIS DOESN’T KEEP HAPPENING, OIL BLOWS OUT ON THE CRANK PULLEY AND SATURATES THE BELT AND WHEN YOU HIT A LITTLE WATER ON THE ROADWAY IT SPLASHES UP ON LOWER PULLEY MAKING THE BELT REAL SLICK AND IT SLIPS OFF.

THE MESSAGE IS; GET THE OTHER CAR READY TO DRIVE SO YOU CAN LAY THE ’91 ACCLAIM UP TO FIX THE BELT PROBLEM! I E-MAILED TIM AND ASKED HIM WHAT IT ‘S GOING TO TAKE TO GET THE CAR READY TO GO TO B&B TO HAVE THE TRANSMISSION CHANGED. HE NAMED A FEW THINGS AND SAID HE’D GET RIGHT ON THEM. WE WON’T BE READY TO TAKE IT TO B&B TILL AFTER THE FIRST OF THE YEAR BUT I’D LIKE TO HAVE IT HERE SO WE WON’T HAVE TO GO TO PLANO TO GET IT WHEN WE’RE READY!

IT LOOKS LIKE KONNER CAME THROUGH THE SURGERY JUST FINE, MOM SAID HE WAS A LITTLE CRANKY, I’LL BET HE WAS MORE THAN A LITTLE CRANKY! I KNOW IF SOMEBODY CUT IN MY EARS AND ADENOIDS I’D BE RAISING BILLY HELL! BUT ONE THING ABOUT KIDS, THEY SEEM TO BE ABLE TO ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES MORE THAN ADULTS!

I HAVE TORN THE HOUSE APART LOOKING FOR MY ELECTRIC STAPLER OR EVEN MY MANUAL ONE THAT I’VE HAD FOR OVER 40 YEARS BUT NEITHER ONE IS HERE. MOM SAYS I PROBABLY LOANED THEM TO SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY AND DON’T REMEMBER WHO AND SHE’S PROBABLY RIGHT!

IF I’VE LOANED EITHER ONE TO ONE OF YOU WHO IS READING THIS CHRONICLE PLEASE CALL ME AND LET ME KNOW!

ON THE FIRST DAY GOD CREATED THE COW. GOD SAID, “YOU MUST GO TO THE FIELD WITH THE FARMER ALL DAY AND SUFFER UNDER THE SUN, HAVE CALVES AND GIVE MILK TO SUPPORT THE FARMER I WILL GIVE YOU A LIFE SPAN OF SIXTY YEARS.”

THE COW SAID, “THAT’S A KIND OF A TOUGH LIFE YOU WANT ME TO LIVE FOR SIXTY YEARS. LET ME HAVE TWENTY AND I’LL GIVE BACK THE OTHER FORTY.” AND GOD AGREED

ON THE SECOND DAY GOD CREATED THE DOG. GOD SAID, “SIT ALL DAY BY THE DOOR OF YOUR HOUSE AND BARK AT ANYONE WHO WALKS BY OR COMES IN. I WILL GIVE YOU A LIFE SPAN OF TWENTY YEARS.”

THE DOG SAID,”THAT’S TO LONG TO BE BARKING GIVE ME TEN YEARS AND I’LL GIVE BACK THE OTHER TEN.” SO GOD AGREED

ON THE THIRD DAY GOD CREATED THE MONKEY. GOD SAID,”ENTERTAIN PEOPLE, DO MONKEY TRICKS, MAKE THEM LAUGH. I’LL GIVE YOU A TWENTY YEAR LIFE SPAN.”

MONKEY SAID, “HOW BORING, MONKEY TRICKS FOR TWENTY YEARS? I DON’T THING SO. DOG GAVE YOU BACK TEN SO THAT’S WHAT I’LL DO.” AND GOD AGREED

ON THE FORTH DAY GOD CREATED MAN. GOD SAID, “EAT, SLEEP, PLAY, HAVE SEX, ENJOY, DO NOTHING, JUST ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY. I’LL GIVE YOU TWENTY YEARS,”

MAN SAID, “WHAT ONLY TWENTY YEARS? NO WAY. TELL YOU WHAT, I’LL TAKE MY TWENTY, AND THE FORTY THE COW GAVE BACK, AND THE TEN DOG GAVE BACK AND THE TEN MONKEY GAVE BACK THAT MAKES EIGHTY OKAY?

“OKAY,” SAID GOD. “YOU’VE GOT A DEAL.”

SO THAT IS WHY FOR THE FIRST TWENTY YEARS WE EAT, SLEEP, PLAY, HAVE SEX, ENJOY AND DO NOTHING; FOR THE NEXT FORTY YEARS WE SLAVE IN THE SUN TO SUPPORT OUR FAMLIES; FOR THE NEXT TEN WE DO MONKEY TRICKS TO ENTERTAIN OUR GRANDCHILDREN; AND FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS WE SIT IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE AND BARK AT EVERYBODY. AND THINK ABOUT   LIFE’S GREATEST EARLY MOMENTS.

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD 

 

 

 

CHRONICLE #27 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 27 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 27^TH 2007

WEATHER; COOL, HI HUMIDITY, 59 DEGREES

28 DAYS TILL SANTA MAKES HIS APPEARANCE, ALL SHOPPING DAYS SO GET WITH IT!

HERE WE GO AGAIN, ANOTHER SLOW DAY. MOM WENT TO TOWN AND SHANNONS. WHEN SHE GOT BACK SHE TOLD ME THE “CHECK ENGINE LIGHT” CAME ON SO SHE STOPPED, AND SHUT THE ENGINE OFF AND WENT INTO WAL-MART AND WHEN SHE CAME OUT AND STARTED THE ENGINE THE LIGHT WAS OUT SO SHE HEADED FOR HOME! ABOUT HALF WAY HOME IT CAME BACK ON SO SHE PULLED IN SOME PLACE AND SHUT THE ENGINE OFF AGAIN, WAITED A FEW MINUTES AND STARTED BACK UP AND THE LIGHT WAS OFF. I WENT OUT AND CHECKED ALL THE FLUIDS AND CONNECTIONS, EVERYTHING CHECK OUT OK, I ADDED A LITTLE WATER TO THE OVERFLOW TANK TO BEING IT UP TO MINIMUM BUT THAT WAS ALL I DID. SHE WENT TO PICK UP HALEY JO AT PRE SCHOOL AND WHEN SHE GOT BACK SHE SAID THE LIGHT CAME ON TWICE. WE’LL TAKE IT TO AUTO ZONE TOMORROW AND HAVE THEIR ANALYSER PUT ON IT TO FIND OUT JUST WHAT’S WRONG!

MOM HAS TO PICK UP SHANNON AND KONNER IN THE MORNING THE POOR LITTLE GUY HAS TO HAVE SURGERY ON HIS EARS AND ADENOIDS! THAT’S A BIG THING FOR A KID HIS AGE! SHANNONS CAR IS HAVING TROUBLE GOING IN REVERSE, SHE TOOK IT TO B&B TODAY AND HAD IT CHECKED, HE SAID IT HAS A LEAK WHICH HE’LL FIX AND HE’LL SERVICE IT AND ADJUST THE BANDS! HE’S THE ONE WHO IS GOING TO WORK ON THE INTREPID WHEN WE GET READY!

A LITTLE JEWISH DWARF WALKS INTO THE OFFICE AT A LUMBER CAMP AND ASK TO SEE THE PERSONEL MANAGER! WHEN THE MAN WALKS OUT AND SEES THE DWARF HE ASK IF HE CAN HELP HIM THINKING THE DWARF WAS LOOKING FOR A JOB IN THE KITCHEN! THE DWARF SAYS HE WANTS A JOB WORKING IN THE WOODS TOPPING TREES. THIS SUPRISES THE MANAGER SO HE FIGURED HE’D PLAY ALONG! COME INTO MY OFFICE SAYS THE MANAGER, WHEN THEY’RE IN THE OFFICE AND THE DOOR IS CLOSED THE MANAGER LOOKS AT THE DWARF AND ASK JUST WHAT HIS GAME IS; “I WANT A JOB” ANSWERS THE DWARF. OK, LETS START WITH EXPERIENCE AND PAST JOB HISTORY SAYS THE MANAGER; WELL, I WORKED IN THE BLACK FOREST AS A LUMBERJACK THEN, THE RAIN FOREST TILL WE CUT SO MANY TREES THE SUN STARTED DRYING THING UP. I WORKED IN THE SEQUOIA FOREST TILL THEY PUT A BAN ON CUTTING THE BIG RED WOODS! OH YEAH, I WORKED IN THE SAHARA FOREST; HOLD ON SAID THE MANAGER DON’T YOU MEAN THE SAHARA DESERT? YEAH, “NOW” ANSWERED THE DWARF! HE GOT THE JOB!

STILL HAVEN’T PUT THE LIGHTS UP ON THE DECK BUT I’LL GET TO IT SOON!

I’M AFRAID THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE # 26 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 26 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 26^TH 2007

WEATHER: COLD, MED HUMIDITY, 39 DEGREES

WE BRAVED THE COLD AND WET TO MAKE IT TO MASS THIS MORNING, IT WASN’T TOO BAD JUST MISERABLE. HAD COFFEE AND DONUTS WITH COLLEEN AND DICK AFTER MASS, HE SEEMS TO BE DOING PRETTY GOOD AND HAS A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT IN THE MORNING I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT MORE THEN! FINALLY GOT THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ALL CHECKED OUT AND EVERYTHINGS FINE, NO BURNED OUT BULBS SO IF IT’S HALF WAYS DECENT TOMORROW I’LL GET THEM UP ON THE DECK COVER. MOM’S BEEN BUSY MAKING GIFTS FOR EVERYONE AND I’M SURE YOU’LL ENJOY THEM! AS USUAL I SLEPT MOST OF THE DAY SO I CAN DO THE CHRONICLE. JUST KIDDING! I GO TO THE VA ON THE 3^RD OF DECEMBER MAYBE THEY’LL HAVE AN ANSWER WHY I GET SO WINDED?

BEEN WORKING ON MY BOOK AS MUCH AS I CAN, I WANT TO GET IT TO A PUBLISHER AFTER THE 1^ST OF THE YEAR!

I UNDERSTAND KERRY AND DEBI HAD A NICE THANKSGIVING SHE WENT DOWN TO HARVEY, LOUISIANA WHERE HE HAS HIS OFFICE SINCE THANKSGIVING CAME DURING HIS 6 WEEKS ON DUTY.

I’LL LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO WITH THE INTREPID TRANSMISSION I’M TAKING THE ONE I BOUGHT BACK AND I’M GOING TO TALK TO THE MAN WHO WORKED ON THE ’91 ACCLAIMS TRANSMISSION FOR ME! EVERYONE WE TALK TO SAYS IT’S TO GOOD A CAR NOT TO REPAIR AND START DRIVING IT! THIS IS WHAT WE THOUGHT OR WE WOULDN’T HAVE BOUGHT IT!

SORRY THIS ONE IS SO SHORT FOLKS THERE JUST ISN’T A WHOLE LOT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE

HOWARD

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #25 VOL4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 25 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 25^TH 2007

WEATHER; COLD, LOW HUMIDITY, 43 DEGREES

TIM AND KELLY RAN INTO A PROBLEM CHANGING THE TRANSMISSION IN THE INTREPID, THE HUB THAT’S THE END OF THE AXLE WOULDN’T COME OUT OF THE DIFFERENTIAL! KERRY, MY OTHER SON WHO HAS EXPERIENCE WITH THESE TRANSMISSION TRIED TO HELP THEM OVER THE PHONE, HE’S ON HIS JOB IN LOUISIANA SO HE COULDN’T COME UP TO PLANO! THEY TRIED THE THINGS HE SUGGESTED BUT STILL COULDN’T GET THE AXLES OUT OF THE TRANSMISSION THAT’S STILL IN THE CAR SO THEY TRIED TO GET THE AXLE HUBS OUT OF THE TRANSMISSION WE BOUGHT AND THEY WOULDN’T BUDGE! THE PEOPLE AT THE WRECKING YARD CUT THE BOOTS AND REMOVED THE AXLE BUT LEFT THE HUBS IN AND THEY’RE NO GOOD SO WE COULDN’T JUST TRANSFER AXLES!

I HAVE NO ALTERNATIVE BUT TO TAKE THE ONE WE BOUGHT BACK AND TAKE THE CAR TO A SHOP THAT HAS THE EQUIPMENT TO DO THE JOB! A LIFT AND ANY SPECIAL TOOLS! I HAVE A SHOP WE USE FOR OTHER THING BUT HE KNEW HOW TO MAKE THE TRANSMISSION IN THE ACCLAIM SHIFT WITHOUT REBUILDING IT SO, I’LL CALL HIM MONDAY MORNING!

WE’RE NOT HURTING FOR A CAR WE’RE STILL DRIVING THE ’91 ACCLAIM! SO, WE’LL TAKE IT IN ITS OWN GOOD TIME!

IT GOT COLD AND RAINEY WITH A MIXTURE OF SLEET AND SNOW SO WE STAYED IN TODAY AND WATCHED SOME COLLEGE FOOTBALL, NOTRE DAME vs STANFORD, NOTRE DAME WON 21 TO 14! MY BROTHER JERRY WILL LIKE THAT, HE’S A DIED IN THE WOOL NOTRE DAME FAN!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #24 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 24 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 24^TH 2007

WEATHER; CCCOLD, LOW HUMIDITY, 49 DEGREES

32 DAYS TILL OLD SAINT NICK MAKES HIS ROUNDS, ARE YOU READY?

I STAYED IN THE HOUSE TODAY, I DON’T DO COLD TO GOOD ANYMORE! MOM HAD TO GO TO SHANNONS TO TAKE HER SOME OF THE TURKEY & HAM AND OTHER THINGS, SINCE SHANNON FURNISHED THEM  MOM SAID SHE SHOULD GET A PORTION OF WHAT’S LEFT, WHICH WASN’T MUCH AFTER ALL US CHOW HOUNDS GOT DONE. KELLY AND MOM WENT TO TOWN EARLIER AND GOT NEW TIRES PUT ON THE FRONT OF HIS PICK UP, HE WANTED TO GET IT ALIGNED BUT HAS TO CHANGE THE IDLER ARM AND PITMAN ARM BEFORE THEY’LL DO IT. MOM WENT ALONG TO DO SOME SHOPPING AND BANKING! THERE ARE PLENTY OF PIES LEFT AND I’M SURE MOM WILL FREEZE THOSE SHE CAN FOR CHRISTMAS.

I’M GOING TO GET THE LIGHTS OUT TOMORROW AND CHECK THEM FOR BURNED OUT BULBS THEN AS SOON AS I CAN I’LL PUT THEM UP AROUND THE DECK AND ON THE RAMP, IT SHOULD MAKE A NICE DISPLAY! THEN COMES THE TREE AND MY TRAIN, I REALLY LOOK FORWARD TO THIS PART!

THEY’RE CALLING FOR RAIN MIXED WITH SLEET AND LITE SNOW TOMORROW AND INTO SUNDAY NOW, IF THE GROUND GETS COLD ENOUGH WE COULD HAVE SOME ACCUMULATION, NOT MUCH BUT SOME!

I DON’T KNOW IF I MENTIONED IT BUT WE WATCHED “PINKS ALLOUT” LAST NIGHT, ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF PEGGY’S RACING TEAM WON ALL THE MARBLES, $26,000 WORTH, $18,000 IN CASH AND AN $8,000 TOOL BOX. TO DO THIS HE HAD TO ELIMINATE ALL 8 CONTESTENTS IN THE 8 RACES, ONE OF THEM COULDN’T PULL UP TO THE LINE BECAUSE HIS CAR WOULDN’T START SO KENNY GO A PASS ON THAT ONE BUT THE GUY GOT STARTED AND PULLED UP BUT KENNY TOOK THE RACE. IT WAS THE BEST TWO OUT OF THREE. WHEN THEY GAVE HIM THE TOOL BOX KENNY SAID HE’D PROBABLY HAVE TO USE IT NOW, HE THOUGHT HE BLEW A HEAD GASKET ON THE LAST RUN.

AND PEGGY, WE SAW YOU BEHIND THE BALD HEADED GUY ALMOST BEATING HIM ON THE HEAD, OF COURSE WE COULDN’T MISS PAUL. GOOD SHOW WE REALLY ENJOYED IT! AND WE RECORDED IT IF YOU NEED IT MOM WILL PUT IT ON A DVD AND SEND IT TO YOU!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NEVER WATCHED “PINKS” MAYBE YOU CAN STARTING NEXT SEASON, IT’S ON THE SPEED CHANNEL, THESE GUYS/GALS ARE GOING FOR PINK SLIPS, THE WINNER WINS THE OTHER GUYS/GALS CAR NO MATTER WHAT IT IS AND THERE ARE SOME PRETTY EXPENSIVE CARS LOST, “YOU RUN WHAT YOU BRUNG!”

TIM AND KELLY ARE PUTTING ANOTHER TRANSMISSION IN THE INTREPID OVER THE HOLIDAY I SURE HOPE THEY DON’T HAVE ANY TROUBLE WITH IT? THEY’VE BOTH DONE IT A COUPLE OF TIMES BEFORE ONLY THIS TIME THEY’RE WORKING ON A NICE SMOOTH CONCRETE FLOOR IN TIMS GARAGE WHEN ALL THE OTHER ONES THEY’VE DONE WERE IN THE GRAVEL IN OUR PARKING AREA NEXT TO THE WELL HOUSE!

I’M SURE MY BROTHER JERRY CAN RELATE TO WORKING IN THE DIRT UNDER THE WALNUT TREE BEHIND THE GARAGE AT THE FOLKS HOUSE ON RIVERTON WHEN HE AND HARVEY MORTON GHANGED THE BODY ON POPS 32 FORD FROM A FOUR DOOR TO A ROADSTER, DO YOU REMEMBER JERRY?

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE # 23 VOL4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 23 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 23^RD 2007

WEATHER; REALLY BRRRRRRR LOW HUMIDITY 45 DEGREES.

DON’T FORGET ONLY 33 MORE DAYS TILL SANTA COMES!

WOW, WHAT A NEAT GET TOGETHER, MOM AND I, TIM ELYSE, BRADLEY, KYRA, CHRISTINA, RITCHIE, ADRIONA, McKENZE, KELLY, GLENDA, SHANNON, KYLIE, KYLIE’S MOTHER-IN-LAW, WE HAD CALLS FROM MIKE, KERRY, PEGGY, JACQUE AND I TALKED TO CHAR MILLIGAN OUT IN OXNARD SHORES, CA. COLLEEN CALLED AND DICK WASN’T FEELING GOOD BUT THEY WOULD TRY TO SEE US ON THE WEEKEND! FOOD, FOOD, FOOD EVERYWHERE, SWEET POTATOES W/MARSHMELLOWS, BAKED BEANS, MASHED POTATOES, DRESSING, GRAVEY, CRANBERRY SAUCE, HAM, TURKEY THEN, PIES, PIES, PIES I GOT TO TRY SOME OF MOM’S SWEETPOTATO PIE AND BELIEVE ME IT’S A KEEPER, HOME MADE ROLLS AND ALL THE CONDEMENTS. I’M STUFFED!!!!!!

AND I MUST MENTION THE PACKERS AND THE COWBOYS, BRETT FAVRE AND THE PACKERS PLAYED THE DETROIT LIONS, FAVRE MAGIC AGAIN 34-27. THEN THE COWBOYS PLAYED THE NEW YORK JETS, MORE OF TONY ROMO’S MAGIC 34-3

THE BIG GAME IS GOING TO BE NEXT THURSDAY NOV. 29^TH AT 7PM ON FOX I THINK, CHECK YOUR TV SCHEDULES FOR THE CORRECT TIME AND CHANNEL. FOR PACKER/COWBOY FANS THIS IS REALLY GOING TO BE THE PROOF OF THE PUDDING!

I’M TIRED AND STUFFED, I THINK I’LL GO TO BED AND GET A GOOD NIGHTS REST

THAT’S “BURP” “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #22 VOL4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 22 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 22^ND 2007

WEATHER; BALMY, MED. HUMIDITY, 79 DEGREES

BRRRR, GET READY NORTH TEXAS AND SOUTHERN OKLAHOMA, HERE IT COMES, THE COLDEST NIGHT WE’VE HAD THIS YEAR! OF COURSE AS ALWAYS IT WON’T LAST SINCE IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE WARMING UP BY MONDAY AND TUESDAY! FROM WHAT THE WEATHER MAN SAID (HE/SHE HAVEN’T BEEN RIGHT MORE THAN 20% OF THE TIME IN THE PAST TWO YEARS) WE’RE GOING TO HAVE MORE OF THESE COLD SNAPS FROM NOW UNTILL SPRING. ISN’T THAT HEART WARMING?

MY OLD FAITHFUL SON, KELLY, CHANGED THE OIL AND FILTER IN OUR CAR TODAY, THANKS KELLY, DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’D DO WITHOUT YOU?

MOM AND I GOT THE BIG HEAVY ROUND TABLE IN OUR DINING ROOM MOVED OUT ON THE DECK AND COVERED UP. THE TOP IS 1” THICK FAUX MARBLE AND WEIGHS ABOUT 90 LBS., THE COMPLETE TABLE WEIGHS SOMEWHERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OT 120 LBS. WE LEAN THE IT OVER AND TIP THE TOP OUT AND ROLL IT WHERE EVER WE WANT THE TABLE TO GO, IN THIS CASE OUT ON THE DECK.

IF! AND I USE THE TERM LOSELY, IF THE WEATHER HAPPENS TO WARM UP,  SOME OF US CAN EAT OUT ON THE DECK. IT’S USUALLY REAL NICE OUT THERE IF THE TEMPERATURE IS ANY WHERE NEAR 60! I’M NOT HOLDING MY BREATHE BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED WITH THIS WEATHER!

WE’VE PRETTY WELL GOT THE HOUSE IN SHAPE FOR GUEST, WITH JUST MOM AND I HERE WE TEND TO KIND OF LET THINGS GO A LITTLE BIT. I’M THE WORLDS WORSE, I’LL HAVE TWO OR THREE MAGAZINES OPEN AT THE SAME TIME, I READ TILL I GET TIRED AND PUT ONE DOWN AND WHEN I WANT TO START READING AGAIN I DON’T REMEMBER WHICH ONE I WAS READING SO I PICK UP ANOTHER ONE, I CALL IT OLD AGE, MOM HAS ANOTHER NAME FOR IT BUT I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT IT IS, SHE CAN!

HERE’S A LITTLE INFORMATION I PICKED UP A FEW YEARS BACK;

FUEL STATISTICS

WASHINGTON D.C. THE NATIONAL MOTORSPOR COMMITTEE OF ACCUS RECENTLY MADE A STUDY OF FUEL CONSUMPTION RELATED TO LEISURE-TIME ACTIVITIES. THE STUDY COVERED ALL FORMS OF MAJOR SPORTS AS WELL AS VACATION TRAVEL AND NON-COMMERCIAL FLYING.

THE MOST SIGNIFACANT FINDING WAS THAT THE LARGEST PORTION OF FUEL CONSUMPTION WAS IN THE AREA OF SPECTATOR TRAVEL.

MOTOR RACING, WHICH CONSUMS 2.2 MILLION BARRELS A YEAR, WAS SEVENTH ON A LIST OF 12 MAJOR FUEL CONSUMING ACTIVITIES. OTHERS AHEAD OF RACING WERE; VACATION TRAVEL- 128,955,734 BARRELS, NON-COMMERCIAL AVIATION- 19,880,953 BARRELS, MOTION PICTURES-17,847,110 BARRELS, FOOTBALL-13,429,599 BARRELS, BASKETBALL-5,676,061 BARRELS AND HORSE RACING-2,321,975 BARRELS PER YEAR.

WHAT’S INTERESTING HERE IS THIS STUDY WAS DONE AND REPORTED IN “AUTO WEEK” ON DECEMBER 15^TH 1973 WHICH SHOWS THERE WAS A CONCERN ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF FUEL USED BACK THEN AND THE GOVERNMENT DID ABSOLUTLY NOTHING TO CURB THIS DRAIN ON THE WORLDS OIL SUPPLY! IF THEY HAD ACTED BACK THEN THE WAY THEY CLAIM THEY’RE DOING TODAY WE WOULDN’T BE LOOKING AT $100.00 A BARREL FOR CRUDE OIL!

HOPE YOU’RE ALL HAVING A HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND DON’T EAT TOO MUCH ALTHOUGH I PLAN ON DOING JUST THAT. I’VE SMELLED ALL THE GOODIES BAKING FOR 3 DAYS AND TOMORROW I’LL WAKE UP TO THE SMELL OF HAM AND TURKEY BAKING. WHAT’S A GUY TO DO?

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

DAYCRONICLE # 21 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 21 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 21^ST 2007

WEATHER; WARM, MED. HUMIDITY, 79 DEGREES

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WISH YOU ALL A;

HAPPY AND BLESSED THANKSGIVING!

I’D RUN FOR MY LIFE!

WE WENT TO THE WRECKING YARD TO PICK UP THE REAR BUMPER FOR THE INTREPID BUT IT WAS LIGHT GRAY OUR CAR IS MORE LIKE CHARCOAL GRAY, TO BAD, IT WAS IN PERFECT CONDITION. WE DISCUSSED HAVING IT PAINTED BUT THAT WOULD COST ABOUT $40.00. IF WE’RE GOING TO PAINT ONE WE’LL GET AN AFTER MARKET, THEY COME PRIMED AND READY FOR SANDING AND PAINT! THEN ON THE WAY HOME WE STOPPED AT AUTO ZONE AND PICKED UP THE BRAKE PADS AND ROTORS, BOY THEY SURE ARE PROUD OF THESE PARTS, THE LAST ROTORS I BOUGHT FOR OUR ’91 ACCLAIM WERE $14.00 EACH WITH A LIFE TIME WARRANTEE, THE ONES FOR THE INTREPID WERE $42.00 EA. WITH A 2 YEAR WARRANTEE! OH WELL! I THINK IT’S CALLED PROGRESS! AND OF COURSE WE HAD TO DO SOME SHOPPING FOR THANKSGIVING, I SURE AM GLAD MOM GOES IN ALONE I STAY IN THE CAR AND REST, I’M DOING A LOT OF RESTING LATELY! MOM IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE RESTING BUT I CAN’T DO WHAT SHE DOES!

YOU SHOULD SEE THE PIES THAT ARE LINED UP ON OUT STOVE AND SINK, WOW, WHAT AN ASSORTMENT, APPLE, PUMPKIN, PECAN W/OUT CHOCOLATE AND PICAN W/ CHOCOLATE, SWEETPOTATO, I DON’T THINK I SAW ANY MINCE, I GUESS SHE’LL MAKE THAT FOR CHRISTMAS! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE HAS IN MIND FOR TOMORROW EXCEPT MOVING OUR BIG ROUND TABLE OUT ON THE DECK AND MAKING ROOM FOR CHAIRS IN WHERE THE DINING ROOM IS. WE WERE GOING TO SET THE DECK UP TO EAT ON BUT WITH THE TEMPURATURE IN THE 40s I DON’T THINK SO! SHE HAS IT ALL PLANED, THE GUEST WILL PICK UP A PLATE AND MAKE THE ROUNDS TO LOAD IT UP THEN SET DOWN AND EAT, I’M THINKING ABOUT MOVING THE COFFEE TABLE IN THE DINING AREA SO THEY WILL HAVE SOME PLACE TO PUT THEIR DRINKS.

I’LL LET YOU KNOW HOW EVERYTHING GOES IT USUALLY GOES GOOD SINCE WE DON’T ALLOW ANY ARGUING ABOUT RELIGION OR POLITICS AT OUR GET TOGETHERS. INFACT MOM AND CHARLEEN LATINIS PUT A STOP TO GARY AND I ARGUING ABOUT NASCAR AND THE DRIVERS. WE CAN DISCUSS QUIETLY BUT NO LOUD ARGUING!

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY THEY STERALIZE THE NEEDLE USED FOR A LETHAL INJECTION DURING AN EXACUTION?

TWO COWBOYS FROM ARIZONA WALKED INTO A ROADHOUSE TO WASH THE TRAILDUST FROM THEIR THROATS.THEY STAND AT THE BAR DRINKING THEIR BEER AND TALKING QUEITLY ABOUT CATTLE PRICES. SUDDENLY A WOMAN AT A TABLE BEHIND THEM, WHO HAD BEEN EATING A  SANDWICH BEGINS TO COUGH. AFTER A MNINUTE OR SO IT BECOMES APPARENT THAT SHE IS IN REAL DISTRESS, AND THE COWBOYS TURN TO LOOK AT HER. KIN  YA  SWALLER? ASK ONE OF THE COWBOYS. NO, THE WOMAN SHAKES HER HEAD. KIN YA BREATHE? ASK THE OTHER COWBOY. THE WOMAN, BEGINNING TO TURN A LITTLE BLUE, SHAKES HER HEAD NO, AGAIN. THE FIRST COWBOY WALKS OVER TO HER, LIFTS UP THE BACK OF HER SKIRT, YANKS DOWN HER PANTIES, AND SLOWLY RUNS HIS TONGUE FROM HER THIGH UP TO THE SMALL OF HER BACK. THIS SHOCKS THE WOMAN INTO A VIOLENT SPASAM, THE OBSTRUCTION FLIES OUT OF HER MOUTH AND SHE BEGINS TO BREATHE AGAIN. THE COWBOY WALKS OVER TO THE BAR AND TAKES A DRINK OF HIS BEER, HIS PARTNER SAYS, “YA KNOW, I’D HEARD OF THAT THERE HIND LICK MANUVER, BUT, I NEVER SEEN ANYBODY DO IT.”

ONE SUNDAY MORNING DURING SERVICES, A 2000 MEMBER CONGREGATION WAS SURPRISED TO SEE TWO MEN ENTER, BOTH COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE IN BLACK AND CARRING SUBMACHINE GUNS. ONE OF THE MEN PROCLAIMED, “ANYONE WILLING TO TAKE A  BULLET  FOR CHRIST REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE.” IMMEDIATELY THE CHIOR FLED, THE DECON FLED, AND MOST OF THE CONGREGATION FLED. OUT OF 2000 THERE ONLY REMAINED ABOUT 20. THE MAN WHO HAD SPOKEN TOOK OFF HIS HOOD, LOOKED AT THE PREACHER AND SAID, “OK PASTOR, I GOT RID OF ALL THE HYPOCRITES, NOW YOU MAY BEGIN YOUR SERVICE, HAVE A NICE DAY!” AND THE TWO MEN TURNED AND WALKED OUT……..

NOW BE HONEST, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE, RUN OR STAY?

YOU CAN SEE MY ANSWER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CHRONICLE!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHRONICLE # 20 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 20 VOL 4

November 20^TH 2007

WEATHER; COOL, LOW HUMIDITY, 77 DEGREES

AS EXPECTED I GOT THE JOB OF CRACKING THE PECANS WHICH I ENJOY DOING AS MY PART OF THE PREPARATIONS FOR THANKSGIVING AND MOM TAKES THE MEAT OUT OF THE SHELLS. MOM, SHANNON AND KONNER WENT OUT TO SOMEBODIES PECAN TREES AND PICK UP MORE OF THEM, I CRACKED A FEW AND IT LOOKS LIKE PRETTY GOOD CROP! MOM USES A LOT OF PECANS IN HER COOKING FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS, PECAN BRITTLE, PINIA COLLATTA WITH WHITE CHOCOLATE AND PICANS, SALTED PECANS IN A PARTY MIX, AND OF COURSE PICAN PIES THAT SOME PEOPLE WOULD KILL FOR!

FROM WHAT THE WEATHER MAN SAYS WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A REAL COLD THANKSGIVING, HIGH OF 48. THAT PUT THE KYBOSH ON OUR OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES, WE HAD PLANNED ON SERVING THE MEAL IN THE HOUSE AND LET THE GUEST GO OUT ON THE DECK TO EAT AND VISIT BUT, THE BEST MADE PLANS ON MICE AND MEN GO DOWN THE TOILET OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT! ASK MOM, SHE KNOWS WHAT THE OTHER LINE IS!

I CALLED THE WRECKING YARD WHERE I GOT THE TRANSMISSION FOR THE INTREPID AND THEY HAVE A REAL GOOD REAR BUMPER THE SAME COLOR FOR IT WHICH I’LL PICK UP TOMORROW ALONG WITH NEW CERAMIC BRAKE PADS AND ROTORS. IT LOOKS LIKE OUR GUEST LIST IS GOING TO BE; MOM AND I, SHANNON, TIM AND ELYSE AND THE KIDS, KELLY, GLENDA AND HALEY JO, COLLEEN AND DICK WILL COME LATER IN THE AFTERNOON SINCE DICK IS ON KIND OF A RESTRICTED DIET, THEIR COMPANY IS WHAT WE WANT! MIKE AND CINY ARE GOING TO HER SISTERS, KERRY AND DEBI WILL SPEND THE DAY TOGETHER IN LOUISIANA WHERE KERRY WORKS BUT THEY WILL BE HERE FOR CHRISTMAS AS IT STANDS NOW!

OUR CHRISTMAS GUEST LIST IS; PEGGY, PAUL AND JACQUE, COLLEEN AND DICK, MIKE, CINDY AND THE BOYS, KERRY AND DEBI, KELLY, GLENDA AND HALEY JO, SHANNON AND KONNER, TIM, ELYSE, BRADLEY AND KYRA AND POSSIBLY BILL MASON IF HE CAN MAKE IT! WE’D LIKE TO HAVE BEV COVILLE MOM’S COUSIN (SIS) IF SHE CAN MAKE IT BUT SHE HAS FAMILY IN EL PASO SHE SPENDS CHRISTMAS WITH! BILL WOULD HAVE TO FLY INTO DFW AND WE’D PICK HIM UP OR LIKE HE DID LAST TIME HE WAS HERE HE RENTED A CAR AND DROVE UP! THAT TIME HE GOT CAUGHT WITH THE 9/11 ATTACK AND HAD TO DRIVE THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK TO CALIFORNIA SINCE ALL FLIGHT WERE CANCELLED!

I STILL HAVEN’T CUT THE PIECE OF PANELING FOR OVER THE GLASS DOOR BUT I PLAN ON GETTING IT DONE BEFORE THANKSGIVING WHICH MEANS TOMORROW IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE RIGHT? LETS SEE; TODAY IS TUESDAY, TOMORROW IS WEDNESDAY, YEAH, I CAN GET IT DONE BEFORE THURSDAY IF I HURRY!

JUST A FEW MORE SOUTHERN JOKES;

TRUE SOUTHERNERS NEVER REFER TO ONE PERSON AS “YA’LL”.

TRUE SOUTHERNERS KNOW GRITS COME FROM CORN AND HOW TO EAT THEM.

EVERY TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS TOMATOES WITH EGGS, BACON, GRITS AND COFFEE ARE PERFECTLY WONDERFUL; THAT REDEYE GRAVY IS ALSO A BREAKFAST FOOD: THAT GREEN TOMATOES ARE NOT A BREAKFAST FOOD.

WHEN YOU HEAR SOMEONE SAY, “WELL, I CALLED MYSELF LOOKIN FOR YOU,” YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN THE PRESENCE OF A GENUINE SOUTHERNER.

SOUTHERNERERS SAY “SWEET TEA” AND SWEET MILK.” SWEET TEA INDICATES THE NEED FOR SUGAR AND LOTS OF IT-WE DON’T LIKE OUR TEA UNSWEETENED; “SWEET MILK MEANS YOU DON’T WANT BUTTERMILK.

AND A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS YOU DON’T SCREAM OBSCENITIES AT LITTLE OLD LADIES WHO DRIVE 30 ON THE FREEWAY-YOU SAY- “BLESS HER HEART” AND GO YOUR WAY!

OK. I’LL GIVE YOU A BREAK FROM THOSE AND WILL HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO DO STARTING MONDAY!

BE TRUTHFUL, DID YOU ENJOY THESE SOUTHERN SAYINGS?

THAT’S “30”FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE # 19 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 19 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 19^TH 2007

WEATHER; NICE, COOL, LOW HUMIDITY, 77 DEGREES

GOT UP AND MADE IT TO 9:30 MASS, HAD TO PICK UP CHARLEEN LATINIS, GARY’S ON THE ROAD AND WON’T BE HOME TILL TUESDAY. WE PICK HER UP ANY TIME GARY CAN’T MAKE IT HOME TO TAKE HER TO CHURCH WHICH WE ARE GLAD TO DO!

WHEN WE GOT HOME I CHANGED CLOTHES AND SAT ON THE DECK CONTEMPLATING CUTTING THE PANEL FOR THE SPACE ABOVE THE GLASS DOOR WHEN MOM CAME UP AND GOT THE IMPACT DRILL MOTOR, WONDER BAR AND HAMMER. WE HAD A 4X4 AND A 2X4 SCREWED TOGETHER AND SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE THEM APART. I HAD TRIED WHEN WE TOOK THE OLD CANOPY FRAME WORK DOWN AND COULDN’T DO IT BUT, I WENT OUT IN THE YARD AND WAS GOING TO HELP WE ENDED UP CUTTING THE 2X4 WHERE THE SCREWS WERE AND BREAKING THEM APART. WELL, I GOT WINDED AND HEADED FOR THE DECK WHEN MY LEFT LEG GAVE OUT AND MY LEFT ARM STARTED JERKING BUT I MADE IT TO THE RAILING ON THE RAMP AND MOM GOT ME A CHAIR SO I COULD SET DOWN. I RESTED FOR A BIT AND MADE IT UP ON THE DECK! I’M BEGINNING TO FIND OUT JUST WHAT I CAN’T DO! SINCE I DON’T HAVE ANY OTHER SYMPTOMS, I FEEL FINE EXCEPT FOR THIS PROBLEM I’LL CHECK WITH THE VA AFTER THE HOLIDAYS!

HOW ABOUT ‘DEM BOYS 9 & 1 THEY GOT ALL THEY WANTED FROM WASHINGTON, THAT WASHINGTON QUATERBACK IS SOMETHING TO BE RECOND WITH! IF IT WASN’T FOR THE FACT THAT T.O. AND ROMO WORK SO WELL TOGETHER THE SCORE COULD HAVE ENDED UP 30 TO 28. OF COURSE JASON GARRETT THE OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR CALLES THE PLAYS AND ALL T.O. AND ROMO HAVE TO DO IS CARRY THEM OUT WITH THE HELP OF 9 OTHER PLAYERS, IT DOES TAKE A TEAM EFFORT! THE NEXT BIG GAME WILL BE ON THE 29^TH WHEN FARVE AND THE PACKERS COME TO TOWN, AT LEAST THEY’RE BOTH 9 & 1 AND IT SHOULD BE A GREAT GAME! FARVE AND ROMO ON THE SAME FIELD, WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?

WHEN I WAS LISTING ALL THE THINGS MOM HAS TO GET READY FOR THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS I NEGLECTED TO MENTION SHE HAS TO MAKE A HAM READY FOR BAKING FOR THANKSGIVING!

TIM CALLED TODAY AND SAID WE’RE GOING TO NEED NEW FRONT BRAKE PADS FOR THE INTREPID AND I THINK I’LL GET NEW ROTORS AT THE SAME TIME. HE ALSO SAID SOMEBODY MUST HAVE PUSHED THE CAR WITH A TRUCK THAT HAD A ROUGH FRONT BUMPER BECAUSE THE REAR BUMPER IS TORE UP AND THE FRONT ONE HAS SOME BAD SPOTS SO WE’LL REPLACE BOTH OF THEM. THEY’RE JUST A FIBER GLASS COVER OVER THE METAL BACKING AND ARE ONLY FOR COSMETIC EFFECT!

HEAD FROM BILL MASON THE OTHER DAY, HE’S DOING PRETTY GOOD AND THEY HAVE HIM BACK ON THE BOARD AT THE STUDIOS, HE GOT A CALL THURSDAY TO REPORT TO WARDROBE TO BE FITTED WITH A BUS DRIVERS UNIFORM, HE GOT A PART IN AN UPCOMING “GHOST WHISPERER” SERIES SO EVERYONE BE SURE TO WATCH, I’LL LET YOU KNOW WHICH EPISODE. HE’LL BE THE DRIVER LOADING AND UNLOADING THE LUGGAGE FROM THE LOWER COMPARTMENTS ON THE BUS, THEY LET HIM WEAR HIS HAT WITH ALL THE UNION, VETERANS AND HIGH SCHOOL PINS ON IT WHICH WAS UNUSUAL BUT THE WARDROBE PEOPLE SAID IT WORK OUT FINE, THEY DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING THAT EVEN LOOKED AS REAL!

HE SOLD HIS 1978 GOLDWING TO A FRIEND HE WORKS WITH AND WAS RUNNING IT TO CHECK EVERYTHING OUT WHEN THE STARTER SOLONOID HUNG IN AND THE STARTER WOULDN’T DISENGAGE TILL HE TURNED THE IGNITION OFF WHICH IS THE MASTER SWITCH ON A GOLDWING! NOW HE’S GOT TO SPEND MORE ON IT, I TOLD HIM SOMETIMES YOU CAN RAP THE SOLONOID WITH A SMALL HAMMER OR WRENCH AND THEY COME LOSE BUT HE’S GOING TO BUY A NEW ONE WHICH IS BETER ANYWAY! IF IT’S NOT ONE THING IT’S FIVE!

MORE TRUE SOUTHERNER STUFF;

TRUE SOUTHERNERS GROW UP KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “RIGHT NEAR” AND A FAR PIECE. THEY KNOW THAT “JUST DOWN THE ROAD” CAN BE 1 MILE OR 50.

TRUE SOUTHERNERS BOTH KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A REDNECK, A GOOD OL’ BOY AND PO’ WHITE TRASH.

NO TURE SOUTHERNER WOULD EVER ASSUME THAT A CAR WITH A FLASHING TURN SIGNAL IS ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE A TURN.

TRUE SOUTHERNERS KNOW THAT “FIXIN” CAN BE USED   AS A NOUN, VERB AND ADVERB.

A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS HOW TO UNDERSTAND SOUTHERN; A BOOGER CAN BE A RESIDENT OF THE NOSE, A DESCRIPTIVE (“THAT OL’ BOOGER”) OR SOMETHING THAT JUMPS OUT AT YOU IN THE DARK AND SCARES YOU I.E. THE “BOOGERMAN”.

TRUE SOUTHERNERS MAKE FRIENDS STANDING IN LINES. WE DON’T DO “QUEUES” WE DO “LINE’S” AND WHEN WE’RE IN LINE WE TALK TO EVERYBODY.

PUT 100 SOUTHERNERS IN A ROOM AND HALF OF THEM WILL DISCOVER THEY’RE RELATED, IF ONLY BY MARRIAGE.

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

 

CHRONICLE # 18 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 18 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 18^TH 2007

WEATHER; NICE, COOL, LOW HUMIDITY, 78 DEGREES

GOT ALL THE OLD CAULKING DOWN FROM ACROSS THE TOP OF THE FRAME ON THE SLIDING DOOR. TOMORROW I’LL MEASURE AND MARK OFF AND CUT THE PIECES OF PANELING I’M GOING TO PUT UP THERE THEN PAINT! MOM WILL PUT SOME INSULATION IN PLACES WHERE IT’S FALLEN DOWN BETWEEN THE WALLS. SHE’S WORKING REAL HARD TO HAVE THE DECK AND HOUSE READY FOR THANKSGIVING. OF COURSE SHE STILL HAS THE BAKING OF THE PIES, PUMPKIN, MINCE, PECAN, APPLE AND THIS YEAR I THINK SHES GOING TO MAKE SOME SWEETPOTATO. THEN BREAD AND ROLLS PLUS THE TURKEY AND DRESSING, CRANBERRY SAUCE AND IF SHE HAS TIME MAYBE SOME OF HER GOOOOOOD FRUIT SALAD AND OTHER THINGS SHE DOES FOR THE HOLLIDAYS! I’LL PROBABLY PUT ON ABOUT 10 LBS. UNLESS I WATCH IT AND THAT’S HARD TO DO WITH MOM’S COOKING! I’M SURE I’LL BE ELECTED TO CRACK THE PECANS BUT SHE’LL PICK THE NUT MEAT OUT OF THE SHELLS, ALL I GET IS LITTLE PIECES. WE DO THIS WHILE WATCHING TV! I OFFER TO HELP BUT SHE HAS CERTAIN WAYS SHE DOES THINGS AND IF SHE WANTS MY HELP SHE’LL ASK ME! IN ALMOST 50 YEARS I THINK SHE ASK FOR MY HELP PROBABLY TWICE EXCEPT FOR THE PECAN CRACKING!

THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING IS WHEN I PLAN TO START PUTTING UP THE OUTSIDE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS AND WE’LL GET OUT THE TREE AND DECORATIONS, CHECK ALL THE LIGHTS AND PROBABLY PUT THE TREE UP THE SUNDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING! A LITTLE EARLY BUT I LIKE TO MESS AROUND WITH MY TRAIN THAT I PUT AROUND THE TREE BASE FOR THE KIDS! YEAH, RIGHT, FOR US KIDS!

I MENTIONED WE GOT A NEW HEATER FOR THE LIVING ROOM, NOW WE HAVE THE OLD ONE THAT WORKS GOOD AS A HEATER AND PUTS OUT 4600 BTUs AN HOUR, IT HEATED OUR LIVING ROOM AND DINNING ROOM LAST YEAR, WE USED ADDITIONAL HEATERS DURING REAL COLD (BELOW 25 DEGREES) WEATHER. IT DOESN’T HAVE THE FLICKERING FLAMES. IF ANY ONE OUT THERE WANTS IT JUST COME AND GET IT, IT’S FREE. JUST CALL, FIRST COME FIRST SERVED! I HAVE THE BURNED OUT FLAME MOTOR AND THE WHEEL IT TURNS TO MAKE THE FLICKERING FLAMES SO IF YOU WANT THE FLAME EFFECT YOU CAN REPLACE THE MOTOR AND HOOK EVERYTHING UP. THE GLOWING LOGS STILL WORK!

HOW ABOUT SOME SOUTHERN HUMOR?

THINGS A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS;

A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HISSIE FIT AND A CONNIPTION, YOU DON’T “HAVE” THEM, YOU “PITCH” THEM.

A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS HOW MANY FISH, COLLARD GREENS, TURNIP GREENS, PEAS, BEANS, ETC. MAKES UP A MESS.

A TRUE SOUTHERNER CAN SHOW OR POINT YOU IN THE DIRECTION OF “YONDER”.

A TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS EXACTLY HOW LONG “DIRECTLY” IS AS IN GOING TO TOWN “BE BACK DIRECTLY”.

EVEN A SOUTHERN BABY KNOWS THAT “GIMME SOME SUGAR” IS NOT A REQUEST FOR THE WHITE, GRANULAR SWEET SUBSTANCE THAT SETS IN A PRETTY LITTLE BOWL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE.

ALL TRUE SOUTHERNER KNOWS EXACTLY WHEN “BY AND BY” IS. THEY MIGHT NOT USE THE TERM BUT, THEY KNOW THE CONCEPT WELL.

TRUE SOUTHERNERS KNOW INSTINCTIVELY THAT THE BEST GESTURE OF SOLACE FOR A NEIGHBOR WHO’S GOT TROUBLE IS A PLATE OF FRIED CHICKEN AND A BIG BOWL OF COLD POTATO SALAD. (IF THE TROUBLE IS A REAL CRISIS, THEY ALSO KNOW TO ADD A LARGE BANANA PUDDIN’.)

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAILY CHRONICLE # 17 VOL 4

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 17 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 17^TH 2007

WEATHER; COOL, LOW HUMIDTY, 66 DEGREES

TODAY STARTED OUT PRETTY GOOD,  WE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HALEY JO HER GRANDMA DIDN’T  REALIZE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY STARTED TODAY INSTEAD OF MONDAY, NO PROBLEM SHE’S A GOOD KID AND LIKES HER  GRANDMA LILLIAN.

LATER ON WE GOT READY AND WENT AND REPRESENTED THE MAHONEY FAMILY AT MARGARET AND BILL ORRICK’S 50^TH WEDDING ANNIVERSERY, WHAT A TURN OUT, THERE WERE WELL OVER 200 PEOPLE THERE AND WHAT A FEAST, HIS KIDS PUT THE WHOLE THING ON. THE SON BILLY MADE THE COMMENT ABOUT WHAT A TIME HE HAD GROWING UP WITH 4 SISTERS BUT THEY ALL TURNED OUT FINE!

WE STAYED FOR A WHILE AND MET A LOT OF OLD FRIENDS; BILL AND THELMA GRAY, JERRY CLEVELAND (HE PLAYED ALL THE TIME FOR LISTENING), JERRY HATFIELD AND OTHERS THAT I CAN’T CALL THEIR NAMES BUT, I’M SURE SOME OF YOU READING THIS WILL RECALL KNOWING THEM!

THE LENA AND OLE JOKES ARE FROM MRS. OLSON’S POTATO LeFse HUMOR PAGE. I HAD ONE READER CONTACT ME AND SAID HE WAS GOING TO FIND A SCANDANAVIAN TO TELL SOME IRISH IMMAGRANT JOKES. I KNOW THEY’RE FUNNY AND WILL ENJOY SENDING THEM ON TO ALL OF YOU! IF ANY ONE ELSE WANT TO SEND ME SOME MATERIAL I’LL USE IT!

SVEN AND OLE WERE BUSY SHINGLING A ROOF WHEN SVEN NOTICED THAT OLE WAS THROWING AWAY ABOUT HALF OF THE NAILS. SVEN ASKED, “VHY ARE YOU T’ROWING AWAY ALL DOSE NAILS?” “VELL, DEY GOT DA HEADS ON DA WRONG END, DATS VHY.”  REPLIED OLE. “OLE, YOU SURE ARE STUPID DOSE NAILS ARE FOR DA UDDER SIDE OF DA ROOF.

HOW ABOUT A TEXAS STORY?

A TEXAN DIED AND ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN. ST. PETER MET HIM AND WELCOMED HIM SAYING “YOU WILL CERTAINLY ENJOY PARADISE.” THE TEXAN SHOOK HIS HEAD AND SAID “I ALWAYS THOUGHT TEXAS WAS PARADISE.” ST. PETER SAID “WELL LET ME SHOW WHAT WE HAVE TO OFFER.” HE TOOK THE TEXAN TO AN AREA THAT HAD A BEAUTIFUL RIVER FLOWING THROUGH IT WITH WILDLIFE AND FLOWERS EVERYWHERE. “ISN’T THAT BEAUTIFUL?” SAID ST. PETER THE TEXAN REPLIED, “YES, BUT NOT AS PRETTY AS THE AREA AROUND SAN ANTONIO.” SOMEWHAT RUFFLED, ST. PETER TOOK HIM TO ANOTHER AREA WHERE THERE WERE ROLLING HILLS, WHITETAIL DEER AND BLUEBONNETS AND INDIAN PAINTBRUSH EVERYWHERE. “NOW” SAID ST. PETER “HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING SO WONDERFUL?” “YES IT IS BEAUTIFUL BUT IT DOESN’T HOLD A CANDLE TO THE TEXAS HILL COUNTRY IN THE SPRINGTIME.” BECOMING MORE UPSET ST. PETER TOOK THE TEXAN TO A BEAUTIFUL WHITE BEACH, WITH GENTLE WAVES, AND AN AZURE SKY. “NOW HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING THIS BEAUTIFUL IN TEXAS” SAID ST. PETER. THE TEXAN SMILED AND SAID “I GUESS YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO SOUTH PADRE ISLAND?” AT THIS POINT ST. PETER TOOK THE TEXAN TO A LARGE ROCK. ON THE SIDE OF THE ROCK WAS A DOOR, ST. PETER OPENED THE DOOR AND THEY STEPPED INTO AN ELEVATOR AND STARTED GOING DOWN. AS THEY DESCENDED, IT GREW MORE AND MORE HOT. WHEN THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENED IT REVEALED THE FIRES OF DAMNATION IN HELL. ST. PETER SAID, “NOW, HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING IN TEXAS TO TOP THAT?” THE TEXAN THOUGHT A MINUTE AND SHOOK HIS HEAD. “NO, BUT I KNOW A COUPLE OF OLD BOYS FROM HOUSTON THAT CAN PUT THAT THING OUT FOR YOU.”

A LITTLE LONG BUT A GOOD EXAMPLE OF HOW TEXANS FEEL ABOUT THEIR STATE!

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOPE YOU’RE ENJOYING THESE AS MUCH AS I DO PUTTING THEM TOGETHER!

I’LL START DOING MORE ABOUT THE FAMILY NEXT MONDAY!

HOWARD    

 

DAILY CHRONICLE # 16

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 16 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 16^TH 2007

WEATHER; COOL, WINDY, HIGH HUMIDITY, 39 DEGREES

 

WOW, I STEPPED OUT ON THE DECK THIS MORNING AND RIGHT BACK IN. THEN I WATCHED THE WEATHER AND HE SAID IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE 34 DEGREES SO I JUST SETTLED DOWN TO MY WWII MAGAZINE AND GOT CAUGHT UP ON SOME READING.

WE’VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE INTERNET LILLIAN HAS TO KEEP RE-BOOTING IT, SOMETIMES 2-3 TIMES A DAY. TIMS GOING TO HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT’S HAPPENING, IT’S A LONG COLD TRIP DOWN TO KELLYS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO RE-BOOT IT. SOMETIMES IT’S THE ONE HERE IN OUR HEATER CLOSET WHICH ISN’T TOO BAD BUT IT’S THE INCONVIENCE OF HAVING TO GET UP AND DO IT! OH WELL, I GUESS THAT’S THE PRICE WE HAVE TO PAY FOR “HI-TECH”!

MOM AND I WATCHED THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATE THIS EVENING, ACTUALLY IT WAS MORE LIKE I THING A DEBATE SHOULD BE; YOU DIG ME AND I’LL DIG YOU BACK. YOU TELL IT THE WAY YOU SEE IT AND I’LL TELL YOU THE WAY IT REALLY WAS. OBAMA AND EDWARDS TRIED TO GET HILLARYS GOAT BUT THEY DIDN’T HAVE THE NECESSARY WEAPONS. IF HILLARY DOESN’T GET THE NOMINATION I’M PULLING FOR JOE BIDEN TO GET IT. HE’S A NO NONSENCE TYPE OF POLITICIAN AND CAN BACK UP ANY STATEMENT HE MAKES. I LOOK FOR JOHN EDWARDS TO DROP OUT AFTER OHIO. I’LL BET THERE ARE ONLY 4 CANDIDATES LEFT JANUARY, 2008. HILLARY AND OBAMA JOE BIDEN CHRIS DODD GOVERNOR BILL RICHARDSON FROM ARIZONA. SO MUCH FOR POLITICS, I KNOW I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK POLITICS OR RELIGION SO I WON’T ANYMORE!

WE’VE GOT ONE OF THOSE ATOMIC CLOCKS THAT DICK IRVIN, COLLEEN’S FIANCE’ GAVE ME FOR CHRISTMAS TWO YEARS AGO AND WE’RE HAVING TROUBLE GETTING IT TO SHOW THE CORRECT TIME AND OUTSIDE TEMP. WE CHANGED BATTERIES IN IT AND THE OUTSIDE TRANSMITTER AND DID THE WHOLE PROCESS AND NOW IT’S SETTING FOR 24 HOURS LIKE THEY SAID TO DO. WE’LL SEE TOMORROW AT 12 NOON IF IT WORKED.

JOKE TIME.

ONE MORNING OLE NOTICED LENA SETTING IN THE KITCHEN STARING AT A CAN OF  FROZEN ORANGE JUICE MIX. AFTER ABOUT 20 MINUTES OLE ASKED HER WHAT SHE WAS DOING? LENA REPLIED, “I’M TRYING TO MAKE ORANGE JUICE.” OLE SCRATCHED HIS CHIN AND SAID, “VELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS.” “I AM,’ SAID LENA, “SEE RIGHT HERE IT SAYS CONCENTRATE.”

LITTLE OLE HAD MOVED AWAY FROM HOME FALLEN IN LOVE, AND GOTTEN ENGAGED. HE DECIDED TO BRING HIS FIANCE’ HOME TO MEET HIS FAMILY. JUST FOR FUN HE BROUGHT ALONG HIS FIANCE’S TWO BEST FRIENDS. HE SAT THE THREE LADIES ON THE COUCH AND SAID; “OK, MA, GUESS WHICH ONE I’M GOING TO MARRY?” SHE IMMEDIATELY REPLIES, DA ONE IN DA MIDDLE.” “THAT’S AMAZING, MA. YOU’RE RIGHT, HOW DID YOU GUESS?” “I DON’T LIKE HER.”

THE KINDERGARTEN TEACHER NOTICED LITTLE OLE TRYING TO PUT ON A PAIR OF BOOTS AND DECIDED TO HELP. WITH HER PULLING AND HIM PUSHING, THE BOOTS STILL DIDN’T WANT TO GO ON. WHEN, FINALLY THE SECOND BOOT WAS ON, THE TEACHER HAD WORKED UP A SWEAT. SHE ALMOST WHIMPERED WHEN LITTLE OLE SAID, “TEACHER, THEY’RE ON THE WRONG FEET.”

THAT’S “30’ FOR THIS ISSUE.

HOWARD

 

DAILY CHRONICLE #s 14& 15

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 14 VOL 4

NOVEMBER 14^TH & 15^TH 2007

WEATHER; WARM, WINDY, MED HUMIDITY, 78 DEGREES

I KNOW THIS IS A DAY LATE; MY ONLY EXCUSE IS I GOT CARRIED AWAY WORKING ON MY BOOK “TIME FREEZE” AND WHEN I LOOKED AT MY CLOCK IT WAS 2:30 AND I COULD HARDLY KEEP MY EYES OPEN SO, RATHER THAN TRY TO PUT SOMETHING TOGETHER FOR THE CHRONICLE I DECIDED TO GO TO BED AND DO A DOUBLE FOR THIS ONE!

14^TH;

NOTHING REAL EXCITING GOING ON THIS DAY, GETTING READY TO PUT THE PANELING UP ABOVE THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR. WILL CUT OUT THE PATERN TOMORROW AND TRIM IT TO FIT, SHOULDN’T BE TO HARD FOR AN OLD PANEL FITTER LIKE ME. I DID WORK IN THE PATERN SHOP AT LOCKHEED FOR A YEAR WHICH GAVE ME SOME GOOD EXPERIENCE! WE’LL SEE IF I CAN REMEMBER ALL I LEARNED?

BOY, THE WIND CAME UP AND EVERYTIME I TRIED TO LAY THE PANELING ON THE DECK TO WORK ON IT, IT JUST TOOK OFF, I HAVE SOME CLAMPS BUT COULDN’T FIND THE ONES I NEEDED SO I DECIDED TO PUT IT OFF TILL THE WIND DIES DOWN WHICH SHOULD BE THURSDAY. I QUIT GETTING IN A HURRY 20 YEARS AGO I BELIEVE IN “EVERYTHING IN GOOD TIME”! THE PROJECT WILL BE THERE TOMORROW OR LIKE THE SONG GOES “MANYANA” I THINK THAT’S HOW IT’S SPELLED?

MOM AND I ARE DOING OK! A FEW ACHES AND PAINS HERE AND THERE BUT, NOTHING WE CAN’T HANDLE. WE’VE DECIDED TO BUY A NEW HEATER FOR THE LIVING ROOM, WE HAVE ONE WE BOUGHT 2 YEARS AGO THAT WAS A DEMONSTRATOR AND HAS THE FAKE FLAME BUT THE MOTOR BURNED OUT THAT TURNED THE REFLECTORS THAT PROJECTED THE FLAMES ON THE BACK GROUND! THE CHEAPEST MOTOR I COULD FIND WAS $73.00 SO WE’VE JUST BEEN USING IT WITH THE GLOWING LOGS AND HEATER NO FLAME ACTION. WE DECIDED TO GIVE OURSELVES A NEW ONE FOR CHRISTMAS WHICH WE’LL GO TO HOME DEPOT TOMORROW AND PICK UP!

15^TH

GOT UP LATE THIS MORNING, ABOUT 9;00, I WAS REALLY BEAT, I’VE GOT TO CUT OUT THESES LATE NIGHT PARTIES AND START GOING TO WHAT MY SISTER MADELYN USED TO TELL ME WHEN SHE WOULD PUT ME TO BED; “OK, NOW YOU’RE GOING TO A SHEET AND PILLOW CASE PARTY”. I WAS 10 YEARS OLD BEFORE I REALIZED WHAT A “SHEET AND PILLOW CASE PARTY WAS” BED TIME!!!!!!!

SAT AROUND AND WATCHED A LITTLE TV THEN WE DECIDED TO GET READY AND GO GET OUR NEW HEATER BUT WE HAD TO TAKE MOM’S NEW SCANNER TO UPS, IT DOESN’T WORK RIGHT AND SHE CALLED THEM WITH THE PROBLEM AND THEY TOLD HER TO SEND IT BACK. SHE JUST GOT IT LAST WEDNESDAY AND DIDN’T OPEN IT TILL SATURDAY, SHE TRIED SCANNING SOME THING AND IT SEEMED TO WORK OK. THEN SHE TRIED SOMETHING ELSE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO AND IT SAID “CLUNK” TWICE SO SHE CALLED THE FACTORY MONDAY AND WE SHIPPED IT TODAY! BOY IS SHE PISSED, IT COST HER ALMOST THREE TIMES TO SHIP IT BACK THAN IT COST THEM TO SHIP IT TO HER! YOU KNOW THEY GOT AN E-MAIL WHEN SHE GOT HOME! YES, THEY GAVE HER AN AUTHORIZATION NUMBER TO SHIP IT UNDER!

WE GOT TO HOME DEPOT AND LOOKED AT ALL THE HEATERS THEY HAVE, IT WAS HARD TO PICK ONE OUT THEY ALL LOOK SO NEAT SETTING THERE BUT, WE FINALLY CHOSE THE ONE THAT WOULD DO THE JOB WE WANT DONE. THE MAN LOADED IT IN THE CAR FOR US AND WHEN WE GOT HOME MOM PULLED IT OUT OF THE BACK SEAT AND I PUT IT ON OUR TWO WHEELER AND PULLED IT UP THE RAMP AND INTO THE HOUSE. I CUT THE BOX OPEN AND PULLED ALL THE PACKING OUT AND THEN SLID IT OUT OF THE CUT OPEN BOX, TOOK IT OVER WHERE WE WANTED IT AND MOM PLUGGED IN THE CORD AND I SAT DOWN IN FRONT OF IT AND PLAYED WITH THE CONTROLS WHEN MOM SAID “WHERE’S THE REMOTE” I DIDN’T KNOW IT CAME WITH A REMOTE SO WE WENT LOOKING THRU ALL THE PACKING BUT, NO REMOTE!

WELL, WE’VE GOT TO HAVE A REMOTE SO MOM GOT ON THE COMPUTER AND SENT AN E-MAIL TO THE COMPANY ASKING WHERE THE REMOTE IS? WE HAVEN’T GOT AN ANSWER YET SO I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO OPERATE IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY, TURN THE KNOBS AND PUSH THE SWITCHES AFTER WE GET UP OUT OF OUR CHAIRS AND WALK OVER TO IT! O’BOY EXERCISE WHICH I NEED!

NOW FOR SOME JOKES!

OLE AND LENA HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR 45 YEARS AND RAISED A BROOD OF 11 KIDS AND WERE BLESSED WITH 24 GRANDCHILDREN. WHEN ASKED THE SECRET FOR STAYING TOGETHER ALL THAT TIME, LENA REPLIED,”MANY YEARS AGO, OLE AND ME MADE A PROMISE TO EACH OTHER; THE FIRST ONE TO PACK UP AND LEAVE HAS TO TAKE ALL THE KIDS.”

OLE AND LENA DECIDED TO GO AND SEE WHAT IT WAS LIKE AT THE LOCAL CASSINO. OLE TOLD LENA AS THEY ENTERED, “ALL RIGHT LENA VE’LL MEET BACK HERE IN A  HOUR, OK? WELL, AN HOUR LATER, OLE WAS BROKE, BUT LENA HAD A BUCKET FULL OF QUARTERS. YUMPIN, YIMMINEY, VERE DID YOU GET ALL DEM QUARTERS ASKED OLE? LENA LEANING CLOSE, WHISPERED, “I DON’T VONT TO SAY DIS TO LOUD, BUT YOU SEE DAT GAME OVER THERE, EVERYTIME I PUT IN A DOLLAR I WON FOUR QUARTERS!”

OLE HAD A SERIOUS HEARING PROBLEM FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS. HE WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND WAS FITTED FOR A SET OF HEARING AIDS THAT ALLOWED OLE TO HEAR 100%. OLE WENT BACK IN A MONTH AND THE DOCTOR SAID, “YOUR HEARING IS PERFECT, YOUR FAMILY MUST BE REALLY PLEASE THAT YOU CAN HEAR AGAIN.” TO WHICH OLE SAID, “OH, I HAVEN’T TOLD MY FAMILY YET, I JUST SET AROUND AND LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATIONS. I’VE CHANGED MY WILL THREE TIMES!”

THAT’S “30” FOR THESE ISSUES;

HOWARD