HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 8 VOL 14
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 8TH 2008
WEATHER; COOL, LOW HUMIDITY, 67/89 DEGREES
KELLY SERVICED THE ACCLAIM YESTERDAY! OIL, FILTER, LUCAS, SPARK PLUGS (BOSCH 4s), PACK REAR WHEEL BRNGS, AIR FILTER, CHECK FRONT BRAKE PADS AND REAR SHOES, BOTH 50%, ADD BRAKE FLUID, TRANSMISSION OK! NOW WE’RE READY FOR A HARD WINTER! MOMS BEEN KEEPING TRACK OF THE GAS MILEAGE AND IT WENT FROM 14.8 TWO WEEKS AGO TO 17.9 YESTERDAY! I HAVE TO ATTRIBUTE IT TO THE TIRE PRESSURE, WE WERE RUNNING WITH 29 LBS IN 3 AND 32 IN ONE THEY WERE INCREASED TO 35 LBS! A 3.1 INCREASE IN MPG RESULTED! JOHN McCAIN CAN SCOFF BARACK OBAMA ALL HE WANTS ABOUT TIRE PRESSURE BUT IF YOU DO THE MATH ON IT, A 5 LB INCREASE IN YOUR TIRE PRESSURE WILL RESULT IN AT LEAST 3-5 MPG INCREASE! MULTI-PLY THAT BY ALL THE VEHICLES THAT USE PNEUMATIC TIRES IN JUST THE U.S. AND IT ADDS UP TO A SAVINGS OF WELL OVER A MILLION GALLIONS OF GAS/DIESEL A DAY! NOW LETS SEE WHAT JOHM McCAIN CAN COME UP WITH TO EQUAL THAT!
MOM HAS TO PICK UP SHANNON TODAY TO TAKE HER TO MHMR TO SIGN SOME PAPERS! THEN SHE’S COMING OUT HERE TO SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY!
I WATCHED THE JETS WITH BRET FAVRE AS THEIR QUARTERBACK TODAY! HE STILL HAS THE FAVRE MAGIC, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT COLOR JERSEY HE WEARS HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH A FOOT BALL! THEN I WATCHED THE COWBOYS BEAT UP ON THE BROWNS! TONY ROMO IS ANOTHER QUARTERBACK WHO KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH A FOOTBALL! OF COURSE THE DALLAS OFFENSIVE LINE IS PROBABLY THE BEST IN THE NFL, TIME WILL TELL BUT THEY DID LET A FEW OF THOSE BIG CLEVELAND LINE MEN GET THROUGH AND GET TO ROMO BUT I’M SURE THAT’LL CHANGE HE CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF WHAT HAPPENED TODAY, THREE OF THEM ROLLED OVER ON HIM AT THE SAME TIME, THAT’S ABOUT 1,000 LBS OF FAT AND MUSCLE HITTING HIM! THE CAMERA SHOWED HIS FACE WHEN IT WINCED! HE GOT UP AND THREW A TOUCH DOWN TO T.O. !
I DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER THE NASCAR RACE WAS ON YESTERDAY! MOM LOOKED UP WHO WON FOR CHARLEEN LATINIS, THEY’RE ON THE ROAD AND COULDN’T PICK IT UP ON THEIR TV IN THE TRUCK! JIMMY JOHNSON WON, HO, HUM! SAME OLD, SAME OLD!
I SURE HOPE I GET MY AMPLIFIED PHONE TOMORROW, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SHIPPED TWO WEEKS AGO! IF I DON’T GET IT I’M SUPPOSED TO CALL AUDIOLOGY AND THEY’LL PUT A TRACER ON IT! I CAN’T HEAR TO GOOD ON THE NEW PHONE WE BOUGHT TO REPLACE IT TILL THE NEW AMPLIFIED ONE GETS HERE!
OVERLY SUSPICIOUS
SOMETIMES WOMEN ARE OVERLY SUSPICIOUS OF THEIR HUSBANDS.
WHEN ADAM STAYED OUT VERY LATE FOR A FEW NIGHTS, EVE BECAME UPSET.
"YOU'RE RUNNING AROUND WITH OTHER WOMEN," SHE CHARGED.
"YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE," ADAM RESPONDED. "YOU'RE THE ONLY WOMAN ON EARTH."
THE QUARREL CONTINUED UNTIL ADAM FELL ASLEEP, ONLY TO BE AWAKENED BY SOMEONE POKING HIM IN THE CHEST. IT WAS EVE. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" ADAM DEMANDED.
"COUNTING YOUR RIBS," SAID EVE.
BUYING A MACHINE FACTORY
AN AMERICAN MANUFACTURER IS SHOWING HIS MACHINE FACTORY TO A POTENTIAL CUSTOMER FROM ALBANIA. AT NOON, WHEN THE LUNCH WHISTLE BLOWS, TWO THOUSAND MEN AND WOMEN IMMEDIATELY STOP WORK AND LEAVE THE BUILDING.
"YOUR WORKERS, THEY'RE ESCAPING!" CRIES THE VISITOR "YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THEM."
"DON'T WORRY, THEY'LL BE BACK," SAYS THE AMERICAN. AND INDEED, AT EXACTLY ONE O'CLOCK THE WHISTLE BLOWS AGAIN, AND ALL THE WORKERS RETURN FROM THEIR BREAK.
WHEN THE TOUR IS OVER, THE MANUFACTURER TURNS TO HIS GUEST AND SAYS, "WELL, NOW, WHICH OF THESE MACHINES WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER?"
"FORGET THE MACHINES," SAYS THE VISITOR. "HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR THAT WHISTLE?"
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE
HOWARD
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