DAILY CHRONICLE #10 VOL 15

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 10 VOL 15

FRIDAY OCTOBER 10^TH 2008

WEATHER; COOL, MED HUMIDITY, 63/83 DEGREES

WE FILLED UP ON OUR WAY TO THE VA IN BONHAM, TEXAS FOR $2.68 A GALLON! ON THE WAY HOME WE WENT BY THE SAME STATION AND IT HAD DROPED TO $2.64! WE WENT BY THE EXXON AND IT WAS $2.89! THE NATIONAL AVERAGE WAS $3.35! OIL DROPPED TO $77.33 A BARREL!

 

THEN THERE’S THE STOCK MARKET! IT ENDED THE DAY AT –128 AND 8451.19! HENRY PAULSON GOT ON THE TV AND SAID THE GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO BUY UP THE BANK STOCK!  I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY HOPE THIS WILL DO!

 

I WENT TO THE VA TO HAVE MY TAIL BONE X-RAYED! THE DOCTOR CALLED ME THIS EVENING AND TOLD ME I HAD BROKEN IT AND HE WAS MAKING AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE DALLAS CLINIC TO SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE! TO ME IT’S LIKE A BROKN TOE! JUST PUT UP WITH IT AND LET IT HEAL IN ITS OWN TIME WHICH IT WILL DO! I DON’T KNOW BUT I THINK THEY’LL WANT TO OPERATE AND PUT A PIN IN IT AND I GUESS IF IT’S NOT SELECTIVE SURGERY I’LL HAVE TO LET THEM DO IT! THE DOCTOR INCREASED THE PAIN PILLS FROM 1 TO 1 AND ½, 3 OR 4 TIMES A DAY WHICH HELPS!

 

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM TECHNICAL SUPPORT

* "DO YOU HAVE A SLEDGEHAMMER OR A BRICK HANDY?"

* "THAT'S RIGHT, NOT EVEN MCGYVER COULD FIX IT."

* "SO -- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"

* "DUUUUUUDE! BUMMER!"

* "LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GONNA NEED SOME NEW DILITHIUM CRYSTALS, CAP'N."

* "PRESS 1 FOR SUPPORT. PRESS 2 IF YOU'RE WITH 60 MINUTES. PRESS 3 IF YOU'RE WITH THE FTC."

* "WE CAN FIX THIS, BUT YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BUTTER KNIFE, A ROLL OF DUCT TAPE, AND A CAR BATTERY."

* "IN LAYMAN'S TERMS, WE CALL THAT THE HINDENBURG EFFECT."

* "HOLD ON A SECOND... MOM! TIMMY'S HITTING ME!"

* "OKAY, TURN TO PAGE 523 IN YOUR COPY OF DIANETICS."

* "PLEASE HOLD FOR MR. GATES' ATTORNEY."

 

AN AIRLINER

AT A RECENT SOFTWARE ENGINEERING MANAGEMENT COURSE IN THE US, THE PARTICIPANTS WERE GIVEN AN AWKWARD QUESTION TO ANSWER. "IF YOU HAD JUST BOARDED AN AIRLINER AND DISCOVERED THAT YOUR TEAM OF PROGRAMMERS HAD BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FLIGHT CONTROL SOFTWARE HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD DISEMBARK IMMEDIATELY?"

AMONG THE ENSUING FOREST OF RAISED HANDS, ONLY ONE MAN SAT MOTIONLESS. WHEN ASKED WHAT HE WOULD DO, HE REPLIED THAT HE WOULD BE QUITE CONTENT TO STAY ONBOARD.

WITH HIS TEAM'S SOFTWARE, HE SAID, THE PLANE WAS UNLIKELY TO EVEN TAXI AS FAR AS THE RUNWAY, LET ALONE TAKE OFF.

 

THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD