HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 8 VOL 7
FEBURARY 8TH 2008
WEATHER; BEAUTIFUL, LOW HUMIDITY, 34/66 DEGREES
GAS STILL STEADY AT $2.71-$2.83
NOT MUCH DOING TODAY, GLENDA STAYED HOME SO MOM DOESN’T HAVE TO PICK UP HALEY JO!
LIKE I SAID YESTERDAY MOM WAS MAKING MORE OF THE “APPLE PIE IN THE CROCKPOT!” WE HAD SOME FOR DESERT THIS EVENING! LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE MOM MAKES IT TASTED LIKE “MORE!” SHE ALSO MADE BREAD! MOM KNOWS HOW I LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND GRAPE JELLY SANDWICHES SO THAT’S WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH!
I’M GOING TO HOME DEPOT TOMORROW TO GET A CEILING FAN MOUNTING KIT FOR THE ONE WE’RE PUTTING UP OVER THE DECK! OUR DECK SURE IS STARTING TO TAKE SHAPE, WITH THE FIREPLACE, 8 CHAIRS, A 4’ ROUND TABLE WITH A FAUX MARBLE TOP, NOW A CEILING FAN AND ELECTRIC RECEPTICAL BOX AT EACH POST FOR SPECIAL LIGHTING AND A TV PUT IN A WATERPROOF BOX!
I GOT THE STITCHES OUT OF MY WRIST THE OTHER DAY AND THE DOCTOR SAID THE GROWTH THEY TOOK OUT CAME BACK NEGATIVE SO I’M DOING FINE, NO CANCER THANK GOD!
SHORT JOKE
LITTLE KIDS IN SCHOOL AND THE TEACHER WRITES “DEPOT” ON THE BOARD AND ASK JOHNNY TO USE IT IN A SENTENCE, HE JUST STANDS THERE LOOKING AT THE BOARD WHEN BENNY STANDS UP AND ASK IF HE CAN DO IT? OK, JOHNNY YOU CAN SIT DOWN, NOW BENNY YOU USE DEPOT IN A SENTENCE! “I CLIMBED INTO DE BED AND SLID DE POT UNDER DE BED!”
A CITY MAN IS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD WHEN HE COMES TO A BIG PUDDLE! THERE’S A FARMER SETTING ON THE FENCE WATCHING SO THE CITY GUY ASK THE FARMER HOW DEEP THE PUDDLE IS AND THE FARMER SAID “TAINT DEEP AT ALL,” SO THE CITY GUY PULLS ON INTO THE PUDDLE AND HIS CAR SINKS OUT OF SIGHT! HE COMES BLUBBERING TO THE SURFACE AND YELLS AT THE FARMER,”YOU SAID IT WASN’T DEEP AT ALL.” THE FARMER DREW A IMAGINARY LINE ACROSS HIS CHEST AND SAYS, “ONLY CAME UP TO HERE ON THE DUCKS!”
CITY MAN IS VISITING HIS BROTHER ON HIS RANCH AND DECIDES TO GO FOR A WALK! AS HE’S WALKING DOWN THE DIRT ROAD HE SEES A COW GIVING BIRTH TO A CALF, NOW HE’S NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO HE CLIMBS THE FENCE AND GOES OVER PUTS ONE FOOT AGAINST THE COWS HIND LEG AND PULLS THE CALF OUT! HE REACHES DOWN AND GRABS A HAND FULL OF GRASS, WIPES THE CALF OFF AND SAYS; “THERE, WATCH WHERE YOU’RE WALKING FROM NOW ON!
HERE IS A VALID REASON WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER ASSUME WHAT IS IN A 4OZ JUICE GLASS IN YOUR MOTHERS REFRIGRATOR!
I WAS ABOUT 8 YEARS OLD WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR OF THE REFRIGERATOR TO GET A BOTTLE OF WATER TO POUR SOME IN A GLASS WHEN I SPIED A SMALL GLASS WITH A YELLOWISH LIQUID IN IT! NOW, I LOVE PINEAPPLE JUICE AND THIS SURE LOOKED LIKE THE REAL THING SO I GRABBD THE GLASS AND DOWNED THE CONTENTS AND UP CAME MY BREAKFAST, LAST NIGHTS DINNER AND ANYTHING ELSE I HAD LEFT IN MY STOMACH ALL OVER THE INSIDE OF THE REFRIGERATOR AND ON THE FLOOR!
MY MOTHER HEARD THE NOISE WHEN I DROPPED THE GLASS AND FELL INTO THE REFRIGERATOR PULLING THINGS OFF THE SHELVES AND CAME RUNNING INTO THE KITCHEN! WHEN SHE SAW THE MESS SHE PICKED ME UP AND TOOK ME TO THE BACK PORCH WHICH WAS RIGHT OUTSIDE THE KITCHEN DOOR WHERE THERE WAS A BIG SQUARE LAUNDRY SINK AND SHE SAT ME IN IT TO START CLEANING ME UP ASKING ALL THE TIME WHAT HAD HAPPENED! BY THIS TIME MY SISTER MADELINE HAD COME INTO THE KITCHEN AND WHEN SHE SAW WHAT HAD HAPPENED GOT SICK ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND SAT DOWN IN A CHAIR THAT WAS THERE! I COULD SEE HER FROM THE SINK I WAS SETTING IN. SHE WAS HOLDING HER HEAD AND MOANING! MY MOTHE LEFT ME AND WENT TO HELP MADELINE OVER TO THE KITCHEN SINK SO SHE COULD GET HERSELF CLEANED UP! I HEARD MADELINE ASK MY MOTHER WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND MY MOTHER SAID SHE WAS STILL TRYING TO FIND OUT! SHE FINALLY GOT ME UNDRESSED AND CLEANED UP AND SAT ME ON A CHAIR NEXT TO MADELINE WITH A TOWEL AROUND ME WHILE SHE WENT AND GOT SOME CLOTHES FOR ME!
WHEN SHE GOT BACK WITH MY CLOTHES I GOT DRESSED AND HER AND MADELINE STARTED ASKING ME WHAT I HAD DONE TO MAKE SUCH A MESS? WHEN I TOLD THEM ALL I DID WAS DRINK THE SMALL GLASS OF PINEAPPLE JUICE THAT WAS IN THE REFRIGERATOR MY MOHER PUT HER HAND OVER HER MOUTH AND STARTED TO LAUGH, MADELINE AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS LAUGHING ABOUT TILL SHE TOLD US SHE HAD SEPERATED SOME EGGS FOR COOKING AND THAT WAS THE EGG WHITES NOT PINEAPPLE JUICE! NOW YOU KNOW WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYHING IN YOU MOTHERS/WIFES REFRIGERATOR WITHOUT ASKING FIRST WHAT IT IS!
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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