HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 20 VOL 8
MARCH 20TH 2008
WEATHER; WARM, MED HUMIDITY, 42/68 DEGREES
ANSWER TO POP QUIZ; CLAUDE RAINES PLAYED THE POLICE INSPECTOR IN CASABLANCA.
POP QUIZ; ALSO IN”CSABLANCA” WHAT WAS THE ACTOR’S NAME WHO PLAYED THE “FAT MAN?”
I’VE COME UPON SOME INFORMATION THAT SEEMS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO PASS ON TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE LOOKING FOR SOME WAY TO INCREASE THE GAS MILEAGE OF YOUR CAR WITHOUT SPENDING A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY!
IT’S THE “E3 DIAMONDFIRE SPARK PLUG!” WHERE I CAME ACROSS THIS WAS WHILE WATCHING A DYNOMOMETER TEST OF A BRAND NEW CHEVROLET ENGINE THE EDITOR, SCOTT PARKHURST AND EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR MARK SIMPSON OF “STREET MACHINE CLUB MAGAZINE ” WHICH I’M A MEMBER OF, HAD JUST BUILT AND HOOKED UP TO THE ENGINE DYNOMOMETER! AFTER DOING ALL THE BASIC TEST AND RUN UPS THEY LET IT SETTLE DOWN TO 5200 RPM AND TOOK HP, TORQUE, MPG READINGS; HP WAS 416, TORQUE WAS 393 FEET POUNDS, MILEAGE WAS 21MPG! THEY SHUT IT DOWN AND INSTALLED A SET OF “E3 DIAMOND FIRE SPARK PLUGS” STARTED IT BACK UP AND SET THE THROTTLE LEVER TO THE SAME POINT WHERE IT HAD READ 5200 RPM, HP WENT TO 434, TORQUE WENT TO 409, MILEAGE WENT TO 26 MPG, AND THE RPM INCREASED TO 5500!!
I DECIDED AT THIS TIME TO INSTALL A SET OF THESE 3E DIAMOND FIRE PLUGS IN OUR CAR, THE 1991 PLYMOUTH ACCLAIM WITH A 3.3 V6 WE’VE PUT OVER 50,000 MILES ON IT SINCE WE STARTED DRIVING IT FULL TIME ON JULY 8TH 2006, AT THAT TIME WE WENT ON A 6025 MILE TRIP AND USED ONE QT OF OIL BETWEEN CHANGES, WE CHANGED AT 2678 MILES IN TEHACHAPI, CALIFORNIA WHEN WE VISITED DAN AND JACQUE THEN AGAIN WHEN WE GOT HOME! THE ENGINE HAS OVER 300,000 MILES ON IT NOW AND GIVES A CONSTANT 22-24 MPG, SINCE WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT OUR AVERAGE MPG IS WE WILL BE ABLE TO SEE IF THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT INCREASE! WE’RE GETTING THE 22-24 MPG IN TOWN AND SOME TRIPS TO DALLAS WHICH ARE ABOUT 190-200 MILES ROUND TRIP OR TO BONHAM, VA WHICH IS AN 80 MILE ROUND TRIP ON THESE LONGER TRIPS I USUALLY RUN BETWEEN 65-72 MPH AT THE PRESENT TIME WE’RE ADDING ONE QT. OF OIL EVERY 500-600 MILES AND MOST OF THAT IS BECAUSE OF A LEAKING SEAL IN THE OIL PUMP THAT WE HAVE BUT HAVEN’T CHANGED YET! I DO ADD A QT OF LUCAS OIL STABILIZER AT EVERY OIL CHANGE! WE’RE USING PENNZOIL 10W-30 WINTER AND 10W-40 SUMMER FOR EXTENDED MILEAGE ENGINES WHICH OURS DEFINATLY QUALIFIES FOR!
CLEAN JOKES
Most Wanted
A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful young man.
"Rustling"
- At restaurant-gas stations throughout the nation: "Eat here and get gas."
- At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
- In a New Hampshire jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."
- In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
- In a Michigan restaurant: "The early bird gets the worm! Special shoppers' luncheon before 11:00 AM"
- On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good."
- On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law -- Sisters of Mercy"
- On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store: "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
- In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
- On a movie theater: "Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child."
- In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed!"
- In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.
- My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
- Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
- Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
- Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
- Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
- John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
- Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
- Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Letter of the Law
On October 13, 1944, the Durham N. C. Sun Reported that a Durhamite had been brought before a Judge Wison in traffic court for having parked his car on a restricted street right in front of a sign that read "No Stoping."
Rather than pleading guilty, the defendant argued that the missing letter in the sign meant that he had not violated the letter of the law. Brandishing a Webster's dictionary, he noted that stoping means:
"Extracting ore from a stope or, loosely, underground."
"Your Honor", said the man, "I am a law-abiding citizen and I didn't extract any ore from the area of the sign. I move that the case be dismissed."
Acknowledging that the defendant hadn't done any illegal mining, the judge declared the man not guilty and commented, "Since this is Friday, the 13th, anything can happen, so I'll turn you lose."
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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