HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 29 VOL 7
FEBRUARY 29TH 2008
WEATHER; BEAUTIFUL, COOL, LOW HUMIDITY, 39/69 DEGREES
GAS; $2.99 - $3.06
MOM AND I DID SOME RUNNING AROUND TODAY! TO SHANNONS, CVS TO GET ANOTHER KNEE WRAP FOR ME, BANK TO PUT MIKES CHECK IN HIS ACCOUNT, THEN TO “CATFISH KING” FOR LUNCH, THEN KROGERS FOR GROCERIES, THEN HOME! IT PROBABLY DOESN’T SOUND LIKE MUCH TO SOME OF YOU BUT IT IS TO ME WHEN I CAN GET OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR A FEW HOURS!
A PROBLEM HAS DEVELOPED WITH THE TURN SIGNALS ON THE ’91 ACCLAIM! I CHECKED IT OUT AND FOUND IT’S THE SIDE MARKER ON THE RIGHT FRONT BUT I COULDN’T GET THE LENSE OFF TO GET TO THE BULB! I’LL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW! THE BOOK SAYS SOME OF THE SCREWS ARE UNDER THE RUBBER GASKET AROUND THE HEADLIGHT BUT I COULDN’T FIND THEM SO TOMORROW’S ANOTHER DAY!
MORE COMMENTS MADE IN1955
“MARRIAGE DOESN’T MEAN A THING ANY MORE; THOSE HOLLYWOOD STARS SEEM TO BE GETTING DIVORCED AT THE DROP OF A HAT.”
“I’M JUST AFRAID THE VOLKSWAGAN CAR IS GOING TO OPEN THE DOOR TO A WHOLE LOT OF FOREIGN BUSINESS.”
“THANK GOODNESS I WON’T LIVE TO SEE THE DAY WHEN THE GOVERNMENT TAKES HALF OUR INCOME IN TAXES. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF WE ARE ELECTING THE BEST PEOPLE TO CONGRESS.”
“THE DRIVE-IN RESTAURANT IS CONVENIENT IN NICE WEATHER, BUT I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THEY WILL EVER CATCH ON.”
“THERE IS NO SENSE GOING TO LINCOLN OR OMAHA ANYMORE FOR A WEEKEND. IT COST NEARLY $15.00 A NIGHT TO STAY IN A HOTEL.”
“NO ONE CAN AFFORD TO BE SICK ANYMORE; $35.00 A DAY IN THE HOSPITAL IS TOO RICH FOR MY BLOOD.”
‘IF THEY THINK I’LL PAY 50 CENTS FOR A HAIR CUT, FORGET IT.”
ATTENTION
YOUNG ADULTS AND TEEN AGERS
IF YOU ARE TIRED OF BEING HASSLED BY UNREASONABLE OPARENTS, NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTION!
LEAVE HOME AND PAY YOUR OWN WAY WHILE YOU STILL KNOW EVERYTHING!
SAINT PADDY’S DAY IS COMING SOON SO HERE’S A TOAST WITH A TWIST, LITERALLY;
MAY THOSE WHO LOVE US LOVE US
MAY THOSE WHO DON’T LOVE US--------
LET GOD TURN THEIR HEARTS AND IF HE DOESN’T TURN THEIR HEART MAY HE TURN THEIR ANKLES SO WE’LL KNOW THEM BY THEIR LIMPING
THERE ARE ONLY TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE ON SAINT PATRICKS DAY;
THE IRISH AND THOSE WHO WISH THEY WERE.
THIS MAN IN A VOLKSWAGAN BROKE DOWN ON A LONELY STRETCH OF HIGHWAY! AFTER ABOUT 50 CARS WIZZED PAST HIM ANOTHER MAN IN A CADILLAC STOPPED AND ASKED IF HE COULD HELP? THE MAN IN THE V.W. SAID YES IF YOU HAVE A TOW ROPE I’D LIKE TO BE TOWED TO THE NEXT TOWN SO I CAN GET MY CR FIXED! THE MAN IN THE CADILLAC LOOKED ALL OVER THE TRUNK OF HIS CAR AND ALL HE FOUND WAS A SET OF JUMPER CABLES WHICH THE TIED TOGETHER AND HOOKED THE TWO CARS UP! THE V.W. DRIVER SAID HE REALLY NEEDED TO GET HIS CAR TO A MECHANIC BECAUSE HE HAD AN IMPORTANT MEETING IN THE MORNING AND ASKED THE MAN IN THE CADILLAC TO RUN THE SPEED LIMIT WHICH WAS 70 MPH!
THEY TOOK OFF AND THE CADILLAC DRIVER SET THE SPEEDOMETER ON 75 MPH TO MAKE A LITTLE BETTER TIME! EVERYTHING WAS GOING ALONG FINE WHEN A MOTORCYCLE COP PULLED UP BEHING THEM AND THE MAN IN THE V.W. STARTED BLOWING HIS HORN. THE CADILLAC DRIVER COULDN’T SEE THE MOTORCYCLE COP SO HE JUST STEPPED THE SPEED UP TO 85 MPH!
THE V.W. DRIVER STARTED REALLY BLOWING HIS HORN AND POINTING BACK AT THE COP! THE CADILLAC DRIVER COULDN’T MAKE OUT THE SIGNALS SO HE STEPPED THE SPEED UP TO 100 MPH! THE V.W. DRIVER STARTED FLASHING HIS LIGHTS AND BLOWING HIS HORN AND THE CADILLAC DRIVER DECIDED 110 MPH WAS ALL HE WAS WILLING TO GO WHICH HE DID!
THE MOTORCYCLE COP SLOWED DOWN AND TURNED AROUND AND WENT BACK TO THE STATION HOUSE, HE WALKED IN AND THREW HIS GUN, BADGE AND I.D. ON THE SERGEANTS DESK! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU GEORGE? ASKED THE SERGEANT!
I WAS OUT ON THAT STRETCH OF STRAIGHT HIGHWAY SOUTH OF TOWN WHEN I CAME UP ON A VOLKSWAGAN AND A CADILLAC RACING, THE BUG WAS HOLDING HIS OWN WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE GUY STARTED BLOWING HIS HORN FOR THE CADILLAC TO MOVE OVER. THAT WAS AT 75 MPH. I KEPT UP WITH THEM AND WAS GOING TO STOP AND TALK TO THEM AND SEE IF I COULD HELP THEM WHEN THE GUY IN THE V.W. STARTED FLASHING HIS LIGHT AND BLOWING HIS HORN AND THIS WAS AT 110 MPH! I QUIT, I’M GOING HOME AND HAVE A BEER! 110 ON A MOTORCYCLE, NOT ME!
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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