HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 16 VOL 9
APRIL 16TH 2008
WEATHER; WINDY, HI HUMIDITY, 55/73 DEGREES
ANSWER TO POP QUIZ; “EDDIE ALBERT” PLAYED ROBERT MITCHUM’S COMMANDING OFFICER IN “THE LONGEST DAY.”
POP QUIZ; WHO WROTE “GOD BLESS AMERICA”?
NOT MUCH GOING ON TODAY, MOM HAD TO GO TO TOWN FOR SOME THINGS. SHE MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR FRIDAY TO GET HER HAIR DONE!
WE’VE SPENT THE LAST TWO DAYS WATCHING THE POPE ARRIVE AT ANDREWS AFB IN WASHINGTON, D.C. THEN TODAY HIS RECEPTION AT THE WHITE HOUSE AND THEN HIS TRIP IN THE POPEMOBILE TO THE CATHREDRAL OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN MARY WHERE HE WAS TO TALK TO HIS BISHOPS ABOUT DIFFERENT THINGS GOING ON IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH INCLUDING THE SEX SCANDALS THAT HAVE GONE ON IN THE PAST! WE MISSED THAT PART OF HIS TALK BECAUSE CNN CUT IT OFF TO BRING LOU DOBBS ON! I SENT WOLF BLITZER AN E-MAIL ABOUT THIS AND ASKED WHY SOMETHING THEY FOLLOWED ALL DAY WOULD BE CUT OFF FOR SOMEONE WE CAN SEE EVERYDAY IF WE WANT!
TOMORROW THE POPE WILL SAY MASS IN THE NEW INTERNATIONAL STADIUM THEN SUNDAY AT YANKEE STADIUM!
I HAVE TO COMMEND THE BUSH ADMINSTRATION FOR THE WAY THEY HAVE RECEIVED THE POPE AND THE FANTASTIC RECEPTION ON THE FRONT LAWN OF THE WHITE HOUSE! IT WAS REPORTED IT WAS THE BIGGEST RECEPTION IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES! THE UNITED STATES IS THE MOST POWERFUL NATION ON EARTH BUT POPE BENEDICT XVI IS THE MOST POWERFUL INDIVIDUAL ON EARTH!
LISTEN CAREFULLY
OSAMA BIN LADEN WENT TO HEAVEN AND WAS GREETED BY GEORGE WASHINGTON, WHO SLAPPED HIM AND YELLED, "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO DESTROY THE NATION I HELPED CONCEIVE?"
PATRICK HENRY THEN APPROACHED AND PUNCHED OSAMA IN THE NOSE. JAMES MADISON ENTERED AND KICKED HIM IN THE SHIN. AN ANGRY THOMAS JEFFERSON WHACKED OSAMA OVER THE HEAD WITH A CANE.
THE THRASHING CONTINUED AS JOHN RANDOLPH, JAMES MONROE AND 66 OTHER EARLY AMERICANS CAME IN AND UNLEASHED THEIR ANGER ON THE TERRORIST LEADER.
SUDDENLY, AS OSAMA LAY WRITHING IN UNBEARABLE PAIN, AN ANGEL APPEARED. "THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU PROMISED ME," SAID OSAMA.
"COME ON, OSAMA," THE ANGEL REPLIED. "I TOLD YOU THERE WOULD BE 72 VIRGINIANS WAITING FOR YOU IN HEAVEN."
LIVE AND LEARN PSYCHIATRY STUDENTS WERE IN THEIR EMOTIONAL EXTREMES CLASS. "LET'S SET SOME PARAMETERS," THE PROFESSOR SAID. "WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF JOY?" HE ASKED ONE STUDENT. |
LIFE'S A MESS
A POODLE AND A COLLIE WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET. THE POODLE TURNED TO THE COLLIE AND COMPLAINED, "MY LIFE IS A MESS. MY OWNER IS MEAN, MY GIRLFRIEND IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A GERMAN SHEPHERD, AND I'M NERVOUS AS A CAT."
"WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST?" ASKED THE COLLIE.
"I CAN'T," REPLIED THE POODLE. "I'M NOT ALLOWED ON THE COUCH."
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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