HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 15 VOL 10
MAY 15TH 2008
WEATHER; WARM, LOW HUMIDITY, 51/70 DEGREES
WE WENT TO BONHAM VA TODAY AND THE DOCTOR SAID MY LEG HAD NOT CHANGE SINCE HE LOOKED AT IT LAST! HE PRESCRIBED A DIFFERENT MEDICATION TO CLEAR IT UP IN ABOUT 2 WEEKS! WHILE WE WERE THERE I ASKED HIM TO ORDER ME A NEW 4 PRONG WALKING CANE WHICH HE DID SO WE WENT TO PROSTITICS AND PICKED IT UP!
WE LEFT BONHAM AND HEADED FOR SHERMAN TO GET RID OF THE CANS AND OTHER ALUMINUM WE HAD, THEN TO SALVATION ARMY WHERE MOM PICKS UP BOOKS AND LEAVES THEM PLASTIC SHOPPING BAGS WE ACCUMULATE!
WE LEFT THERE AND WENT TO AUTO-ZONE TO TAKE THE EGR VALVE WE GOT THE OTHER DAY BACK FOR CREDIT! I TOLD THEM IT WAS THE WRONG ONE BUT THEY WENT OUT TO THE CAR AND FOUND WHERE IT MOUNTS SO I WAS WRONG! WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS THE EGR VALVE IS IN FACT THE SOLONOID THAT OPERATES THE GAS RECOVERY CANISTER! THEN THE FRIEND THAT WE DEAL WITH THERE ASKED IF I MINDED IF HE WENT OUT AND RAN THE KEY CODES AND CHECKED ALL THE VACUMM HOSES FOR BREAKS AND WORN PLACES WHICH I SAID WOULD BE FINE! HE CAME BACK IN WITH THE LIST OF CODES AND SAID HE GOT GAS OUT OF THE VACUMM SIDE OF THE FUEL PRESSURE REGULATOR WHEN HE PULLED THE VACUMM LINE WHICH MEANS THE DIAPHRAM HAS A LEAK!
THIS COULD ACCOUNT FOR THE PROBLEM WERE HAVING WITH THE MISS ON ACCLERATION AND THE POPPING BACK THROUGH THE INTAKE, LOW OR NO FUEL PRESSURE MEANS THE INJECTORS CAN’T FIRE AND PUT FUEL IN THE CYLINDERS AT THE RIGHT TIME! NONE OF THE CODES SAID THIS TO BEGIN WITH BUT ONE OF THEM SAID TO CHECK THE FUEL PRESSURE REGULATOR FOR LEAKS IF YOU EXPERIENCE HARD STARTING AND HI-SPEED PROBLEMS BUT NEITHER ONE OF THESE WAS OUR PROBLEM SO WE ACCEPTED THE FUEL PRESSURE REGULATOR AS BEING GOOD! THANK GOD FOR “CLIFF”, HE’S NOT A MECHANIC BUT HAS WORKED FOR AUTO-ZONE FOR ABOUT 20 YEARS AND HAS EXPERIENCED ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS WITH CUSTOMERS CARS!
WHEN KELLY GOT HOME I TOLD HIM WHAT “CLIFF” HAD FOUND AND HE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER BUT SAID HE’D CHANGE THE REGULATOR TOMORROW UNLESS I DO IT BEFORE HE GETS HOME, IT SETS RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF THE DRIVERS SIDE VALVE COVER!
OVERSEXED PARROTT
THIS MAN HAD A PARROTT HE BROUGHT HOME FROM THE ISLANDS WHEN HE WAS DISCHARGED FROM THE NAVY AFTER WWII! THE BIRD WAS A GOOD COMPANION FOR HIM SINCE HIS WIFE DIED 5 YEARS AGO! HE GOT HOME FROM PLAYING CHESS WITH SOME OF HIS BUDDIES ONE DAY AND WHEN HE WENT OUT TO GATHER THE EGGS FROM HIS LAYING HENS HE FOUND THEM ALL LYING DEAD IN THE YARD AND THE PARROTT STANDING THERE RUBBING ITS WINGS TOGETHER SAYING “WHOSE NEXT? COME ON GIRLS GET UP AND WE’LL GO AGAIN!”
THE MAN GRABBED THE PARROTT AND TOLD IT IF IT EVER DID THIS AGAIN HE’D STICK ITS HEAD IN BOILING WATER! THEN HE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT 20 NEW LAYING HENS!
ABOUT 2 WEEKS LATER THE MAN GOT HOME FROM HIS CHESS GAME AND FOUND ALL 20 OF THE NEW LAYING HENS LAYING DEAD IN THE YARD AND THE PARROTT STANDING THERE RUBBING ITS WING TOGETHER SAYING”WHOSE NEXT? COME ON GIRLS GET UP AND WE’LL GO AGAIN!”
THE MAN GRABBED THE PARROTT AND TOOK IT IN THE HOUSE AND PUT A POT OF WATER ON TO BOIL AND WHEN IT REACHED A GOOD BOIL HE STUCK THE PARROTTS HEAD IN IT THEN PULLED ALL THE HEAD FEATHERS OUT AND SET THE PARROTT ON ITS PEARCH SAYING, “I WARNED YOU!”
THE FOLLOWING SUNDAY HE WAS IN CHURCH AND THEY WERE TWO USHERS SHORT SO HE WENT HOME AND GOT THE PARROTT, HE PUT THE PARROTT ON ITS PEARCH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE AND TOLD IT TO SAY “LADIES TO THE RIGHT GENTLEMAN TO THE LEFT”, ALL WAS GOING FINE WHEN 4 BALD MEN WALKED IN TOGETHER AND THERE WERE 4 WOMEN AHEAD OF THEM, PARROTT YELLED OUT, “LADIES TO THE RIGHT AND YOU 4 CHICKEN F__KERS UP HERE WITH ME!
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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