HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 2 VOL 10
MAY 2ND 2008
WEATHER; WARM, LOW HUMIDITY, 55/79 DEGREES
I HAD TO BE IN ARDMORE, OK. BY 5PM SO WE DIDN’T TRY TO DO TO MUCH OTHER THAN WATCH THE WEATHER ON TV, BOY, YOU TALK ABOUT BAD WEATHER! ANOTHER TORNADO HIT CARLISLE, ARK., THAT 3 IN THE PAST YEAR TO HIT THAT TOWN, NOW I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY “TORNADO ALLEY”, THEY MUST BE TALKING ABOUT CARLISLE! THEY HAD TORNADOS, WIND SHEAR, STRAIGHT WINDS AND EVERY EMAGINABLE KIND OF FOUL WEATHER HITTING ALL OIVER THE MIDWEST AND TO THE EASTERN SEABOARD BUT, NOTHING HERE! OUR TRIP TO ARDMORE AND BACK WAS UNEVENTFUL EXCEPT MY MAKING A WRONG TURN AND NOT GETTING LOST, I JUST DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS! LOL; WE FINALLY GOT TO THE OFFICE WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BY ACCIDENT! MOM TRIED TO CALL A NUMBER ON THE PAPER WORK TO FIND OUT WHERE TO GO AND I GOT OUT OF THE CAR AND HEADED IN THE BUILDING THERE WHEN I REALIZED WE WERE JUST WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE! WE GOT IN TO THE AUDIOLOGIST WITH 15 MINUTES TO SPARE!
I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’LL TURN INTO THE VA BUT IN HIS OPINION MY HEARING IS REALLY BAD EVEN WITH THE AIDS I’VE GOT! HE WASN;T A BIT HAPPY WITH THE AIDS I’M USING NOW BUT WON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE AUDIOLOGIST IN BONHAM! I WAS GOING TO CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT TO HAVE THE AIDS ADJUSTED BUT WHEN I GOT THIS ORDER TO GO TO ARDMORE AND HAVE A RE-EVALUATION OF MY HEARING I DECIDED TO WAIT! NOW I’LL MAKE THE APPOINTMENT!
WE ORDERED NEW SHOCKS AND STRUTS FOR THE INTREPID TODAY WE’LL PICK THEM UP TOMORROW! I CHECKED THE PAPERWORK WE GOT WITH THE CAR AND THE LAST SHOCKS AND STRUTS WERE INSTALLED IN 2004 AT 101,439 MILES, THAT’S 4 YEARS AND 83,000+ MILES AGO! I FIGURED THEY WERE NEEDED WHEN I COULD FEEL EVERY LITTLE CRACK IN THE ROAD AND THE CAR BOUNCED TWICE AFTER A DIP WHICH IS A SURE SIGN, I ALSO SLAMED ON THE BRAKES AT 35 MPH AND THE FRONT END DOVE WHICH IS ANOTHER SURE SIGN! I’M ALSO GOING TO PUT A SET OF BOSCH +4 PLUGS IN, I’VE READ WHERE THEY SHOULD INCREASE POWER AND GIVE ABOUT 15% BETTER MILEAGE PLUS REDUCE THE BAD EXHAUST EMISSIONS!
Total Control
A GUY NAMED BOB IS TRAVELLING BY AMTRAK WITH TWO STRANGERS SITTING CLOSE TO HIM.
HE IS TRYING TO SLEEP, BUT THOSE GUYS WERE SPEAKING LOUDLY FOR A VERY LONG TIME HEAVILY CRITICIZING GEORGE BUSH, THE WAR IN IRAQ, CORRUPTION, UNEMPLOYMENT, ETC.
SO BOB, IN AN ATTEMPT TO FORCE THE GUYS TO STOP TALKING AND LET HIM SLEEP, TELLS THEM AS A JOKE, THAT THERE IS A NEW TOTAL CONTROL SYSTEM DEVELOPED BY THE FBI THAT SPIES UPON ALL CITIZENS, AND THERE ARE LOTS OF LISTENING DEVICES EVERYWHERE, SO THAT ANYONE CRITICIZING THE GOVERNMENT WOULD BE SEVERELY PUNISHED.
THIS DIDN’T HAVE ANY EFFECT ON THOSE GUYS, MOREOVER THEY JUST LAUGHED AT BOB, AND CARRIED ON AND ON, SAYING EVEN MORE RUDE JOKES ABOUT GEORGE BUSH AND THE GOVERNMENT.
FINALLY, CLOSE TO 3:00 AM, BOB GOES TO THE RESTROOM, AND RUNS INTO THE TRAIN CONDUCTOR.
BOB ASKS THE CONDUCTOR TO BRING HIM SOME WATER AND SLEEPING PILLS AT EXACTLY 3:00 A.M.
HE GOES BACK TO HIS PLACE AND SAYS LOUDLY INTO THE BASE OF HIS SEAT, SO THAT TALKATIVE GUYS COULD HEAR HIM:
"IF THE FBI DIRECTOR CAN HEAR ME: COULD YOU PLEASE BRING ME A GLASS OF WATER AND SOME SLEEPING PILLS AT 3:00 A.M., BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME IDIOTS HERE WHO ARE SPEAKING TOO LOUDLY ABOUT SOME POLITICAL ISSUES AND WON’T LET ME SLEEP."
THE GUYS CONTINUE TALKING.
EXACTLY AT 3:00 AM, THE DOOR OPENS AND THE CONDUCTOR COMES OUT, AND GIVES BOB THE WATER AND SOME SLEEPING PILLS.
THE GUYS ARE SHOCKED AND FINALLY STOP TALKING. BOB IS HAPPY AND MANAGES TO FALL ASLEEP.
WHEN HE WAKES IN THE MORNING, THE TALKATIVE GUYS ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
OUT OF CURIOSITY HE ASKS THE CONDUCTOR ABOUT THEM, (ALSO REMEMBERING THAT THERE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ANY STOPS AT NIGHT).
THE CONDUCTOR REPLIES THAT SOME PEOPLE IN BLACK SUITS STOPPED THE TRAIN AND ARRESTED THOSE GUYS.
BOB IS COMPLETELY SHOCKED AND SURPRISED AND ASKS ABOUT WHY HE WAS NOT ARRESTED.
THE CONDUCTOR ANSWERS THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE A CLUE BUT ONE OF THE GUYS IN BLACK SUITS SAID THAT THE DIRECTOR OF THE FBI LIKED BOB’S JOKE ABOUT THE WATER AND PILLS.
10 SIGNS YOU'RE AN INTERNET GEEK
10. WHEN FILLING OUT YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION YOU GIVE YOUR IP ADDRESS.
9. YOU NO LONGER ASK PROSPECTIVE DATES WHAT THEIR SIGN IS INSTEAD YOUR LINE IS "HI, WHAT'S YOUR URL?"
8. INSTEAD OF CALLING YOU TO DINNER, YOUR SPOUSE SENDS E-MAIL.
7. YOU'RE AMAZED TO FIND OUT SPAM IS A FOOD.
6. YOU "PING" PEOPLE TO SEE IF THEY'RE AWAKE, "FINGER" THEM TO FIND OUT HOW THEY ARE, AND "AYT" THEM TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE LISTENING TO YOU.
5. YOU SEARCH THE NET ENDLESSLY HOPING TO WIN EVERY SILLY FREE T-SHIRT CONTEST.
4. YOU INTRODUCE YOUR WIFE AS "MY LADY@HOME.WIFE" AND REFER TO YOUR CHILDREN AS "CLIENT APPLICATIONS".
3. AT SOCIAL FUNCTIONS YOU INTRODUCE YOUR HUSBAND AS "MY DOMAIN SERVER".
2. AFTER WINNING THE OFFICE SUPER BOWL POOL YOU BLURT OUT, "I FEEL SO COLON-RIGHT PARENTHESES!"
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU ARE AN INTERNET GEEK:
1. TWO WORDS: "PIZZA'S HERE!"
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE
HOWARD
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