DAILY CHRONICLE #4 VOL 10

HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE

NUMBER 4 VOL 10

 

MAY 4^TH 2008

 

WEATHER; NICE, LOW HUMIDITY, 55/79 DEGREES

 

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT;

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRIVING DOWN A STATE HIGHWAY OR INTERSTATE AND NOTICED A SET OF BLACK SKID MARKS ABOUT 150 FEET LONG THAT START IN THE LEFT HAND LANE, CROSS OVER THE RIGHT HAND LANE AND GO OUT INTO THE GRASS OR TREES AND WONDERED HOW BAD THAT ACCIDENT WAS?

 

OR COME UPON A BRIDGE WHERE THE GUARD RAIL IS COMPLETELY TORN UP FOR 100 FEET BEFORE THE BRIDGE STARTS AND WONDERED JUST HOW FAST THE CAR OR TRUCK WAS TRAVELING TO DO SO MUCH DAMAGE TO THE STEEL AND RAIL ROAD TIE POST?

 

OR COME UPON AN ACCIDENT WHERE A PASSENGER CAR (THAT’S SO BADLY TORN UP YOU CAN’T TELL WHAT MAKE IT IS) IS WEDGED UNDER THE TRAILER OF AN 18 WHEELER AND IT’S BETWEEN THE REAR DUALS THAT IT APPEARS THE CAR WENT UNDER IN FRONT OF THE DUALS AND WAS ROLLED UP AND THE DUALS ARE SETTING ON IT AND THERE IS A WHITE SHEET SOAKED WITH BLOOD COVERING THE WHOLE MESS! YOU WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE IN THE CAR AND IF ANYONE SURVIVED WHICH YOU DOUBT!

 

OR, BEEN DRIVING AT NIGHT ON AN INTERSTATE WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A TRAILER GOES PAST YOU IN THE MEDIAN NOT HOOKED TO ANY THING AND STOPS ABOUT 10 CAR LENGTH AHEAD OF YOU NO LIGHTS, NO TRUCK COMING BACK DOWN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY RUNNING SLOW LOOKING FOR HIS TRAILER! ALL OF A SUDDEN A CALL COMES OVER YOUR C.B. CHANNEL 19 ASKING IF ANYONE HAS SEEN A TRAILER RUNNING LOSE ON I-20 ABOUT 10 MILES EAST OF THE WESTICO TRUCK STOP? WHEN I COULD QUIT LAUGHING I GOT ON THE C.B. AND TOLD HIM WHERE IT WAS AND THAT I WAS SETTING THERE WITH MY FLASHERS ON, I ASKED HIM WHERE HE WAS AND HE ANSWERED WHAT MILE MARKER HE WAS AT HE HAD GONE THAT FAR AFTER THE TRAILER (CALLED A PUP) HAD COME LOSE!  WHICH WAS 35 MILES FROM ME SO I AGREED TO WAIT FOR HIM SO NO ONE RAN OFF THE ROAD AND HIT THE TRAILER  BUT, BEFORE HE GOT THERE A DPS TROOPER ARRIVED THERE SO I LEFT!

 

THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS I USED TO WONDER ABOUT WHEN I WAS ON THE ROAD, ESPECIALLY THE SKID MARKS! YOU CAN IMAGINE ALL SORTS OF THINGS WHEN YOU SEE BAD SKID MARKS

 

ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH, NO MATTER WHAT!

 

JOHN WAS A SALESMAN'S DELIGHT WHEN IT CAME TO ANY KIND OF UNUSUAL
GIMMICK. HIS WIFE MARSHA HAD LONG AGO GIVEN UP TRYING TO GET HIM TO CHANGE.

ONE DAY, JOHN CAME HOME WITH ANOTHER ONE OF HIS UNUSUAL PURCHASES.
IT WAS A ROBOT THAT JOHN CLAIMED WAS ACTUALLY A LIE DETECTOR.
IT WAS JUST ABOUT 5:30 THAT AFTERNOON WHEN TOMMY, THEIR 11 YEAR OLD SON
RETURNED HOME FROM SCHOOL. TOMMY WAS OVER 2 HOURS LATE.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHY ARE YOU OVER 2 HOURS LATE GETTING
HOME?", THEY ASKED.
"SEVERAL OF US WENT TO THE LIBRARY TO WORK ON AN EXTRA CREDIT
PROJECT" SAID TOMMY.
THE ROBOT THEN WALKED AROUND THE TABLE AND SLAPPED TOMMY, KNOCKING
HIM COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS CHAIR.
"SON, THIS ROBOT IS A LIE DETECTOR, NOW TELL US WHERE YOU WENT
AFTER SCHOOL."
"WE WENT TO BOBBY'S HOUSE AND WATCHED A MOVIE."
"WHAT DID YOU WATCH?" ASKED MARSHA.
'THE TEN COMMANDMENTS." ANSWERED TOMMY.
THE ROBOT WENT AROUND TO TOMMY AND ONCE AGAIN SLAPPED HIM, KNOCKING
HIM OFF HIS CHAIR.
WITH LIP QUIVERING, TOMMY GOT UP, SAT DOWN AND SAID, "I AM SORRY I LIED.
WE REALLY WATCHED A TAPE CALLED SEX QUEEN."
"I'M ASHAMED OF YOU SON," SAID JOHN. "WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I NEVER LIED TO MY PARENTS."
THE ROBOT THEN WALKED AROUND TO JOHN AND DELIVERED A ROUNDHOUSE
RIGHT THAT NEARLY KNOCKED HIM OUT OF HIS CHAIR.
MARSHA WAS BENT DOUBLE LAUGHING, ALMOST IN TEARS. "BOY, DID YOU
EVER ASK FOR THAT ONE!
AND YOU CAN'T BE TOO MAD WITH TOMMY. AFTER ALL, HE IS YOUR SON!"
THE ROBOT IMMEDIATELY WALKED AROUND TO MARSHA, AND SLAPPED HER
THREE TIMES

 

THAT’S “30”FOR THIS ISSUE.

 

HOWARD