HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 21 VOL 10
MAY 21ST 2008
WEATHER; WARM, MED HUMIDITY, 53/87 DEGREES
I GOT UP THIS MORNING AND WENT IN THE BATHROOM AND WHEN I TOOK MY RIGHT SLIPPER OFF TO GET IN THE SHOWER I COULDN’T BELIEVE WHAT I SAW! MY BIG TOE NAIL WAS SURROUNDED BY A HUGE BLOOD BLISTER, IT WAS SWOLLEN AND STRETCHED THE SKIN! THERE WASN’T ANY PAIN BUT I GUESSED THAT WAS BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY FEELING IN MY FEET JUST TINGLING, THE DOCTORS TELL ME THERE’S NOTHING THEY CAN DO FOR IT! I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TOE; LAST MONDAY IT GOT REAL HOT (100+) AND I DECIDED TO TURN ON THE LIVING ROOM A/C BUT, THE COUCH HAD BEEN PUSHED IN FRONT OF IT (WE’RE TAKING IT TO THE SALVATION ARMY) SO I STARTED TO PULL THE COUCH AWAY FROM THE FRONT OF THE A/C WHEN IT MOVED REAL FAST INTO MY RIGHT BIG TOE, (ITS ON WHEELS AND THEY HAD SUNK INTO THE CARPET) WHEN IT HAPPENED IT HURT LIKE HELL THEN QUIT AND I FORGOT ABOUT IT TILL THIS MORNING! I CALLED THE VA AND THEY MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR 10:00 AM TOMORROW MORNING! I THOUGHT ABOUT DOING LIKE I’VE ALWAYS DONE WITH BLOOD BLISTERS, GO UNDER THE SKIN NEXT TO IT WITH A STERILE NEEDLE AND COME UP INSIDE AND LET THE BLOOD OUT AND RELIEVE THE PRESSURE! THAT WAY YOU DON’T GET IT INFECTED BUT MOM REMINDED ME I’M DIABETIC AND IT COULD CAUSE A PROBLEM!
MOM SPRAYED “BROAD LEAF KILLER” ON THE SIDES OF THE DRIVEWAY SO WE’LL SEE IF IT DID ANY GOOD TOMORROW! IF IT DOESN’T WORK WE’LL JUST KEEP ON MOWING THERE!
BECAUSE OF MY TOE I DIDN’T MOVE AROUND TO MUCH TODAY, I’VE MIXED UP A SOLUTION OF DIATOMACEOUS EARTH (D.E.) AND WATER TO SPRAY ON THE DECK AND AROUND THE HOUSE TO CONTROL THE ANTS, TICKS, FLEAS AND ROACHES! IT WORKED FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS SO I’M GOING TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT! AROUND THE INSIDE I HAVE A BIG DUST SPRAYER THAT LOOKS LIKE AN OVERGROWN FLIT GUN WE CAN SHOOT DUST ALL ALONG THE BASE BOARDS AND IN THE CUBBORDS WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT POISONING ANYONE! THIS D.E. IS MICROSCOPIC REMAINS ON FOSSELS AND WHEN IT GETS EATEN BY INSECTS IT DESTROYS THEIR INTESTINES BUT, YOU CAN GIVE IT TO DOGS OR CATS ON THEIR FOOD AND IT DESTROYS ANY WORMS THEY MIGHT HAVE AND IT WORKS IT’S WAY OUT THROUGHT THE SKIN AND TAKES CARE OF THE FLEAS AND TICKS ON THEIR BODIES! I TRY TO DUST THE CATS DOWN WITH IT BUT THEY PUT UP SUCH A BATTLE SO I’M TIRED OF THE SCRATCHES AND WE’LL JUST SPRINKLE IT ON THEIR FOOD!
WHY PARENTS DRINK
A BOSS WONDERED WHY ONE OF HIS MOST VALUED EMPLOYEES HAD NOT PHONED IN SICK ONE DAY. HAVING AN URGENT PROBLEM WITH ONE OF THE MAIN COMPUTERS, HE DIALED THE EMPLOYEE'S HOME PHONE NUMBER AND WAS GREETED WITH A CHILD'S WHISPER. ' HELLO ? '
'IS YOUR DADDY HOME?' HE ASKED.
' YES ,' WHISPERED THE SMALL VOICE.
MAY I TALK WITH HIM?'
THE CHILD WHISPERED, ' NO .'
SURPRISED AND WANTING TO TALK WITH AN ADULT, THE BOSS ASKED, 'IS YOUR MOMMY THERE?' 'YES .'
'MAY I TALK WITH HER?'
AGAIN THE SMALL VOICE WHISPERED, ' NO .'
HOPING THERE WAS SOMEBODY WITH WHOM HE COULD LEAVE A MESSAGE, THE BOSS ASKED, 'IS ANYBODY ELSE THERE?'
' YES ,' WHISPERED THE CHILD, ' A POLICEMAN '.
WONDERING WHAT A COP WOULD BE DOING AT HIS EMPLOYEE'S HOME, THE BOSS ASKED, 'MAY I SPEAK WITH THE POLICEMAN?'
' NO, HE'S BUSY ', WHISPERED THE CHILD.
'BUSY DOING WHAT?'
' TALKING TO DADDY AND MOMMY AND THE FIREMAN ,' CAME THE WHISPERED ANSWER.
GROWING MORE WORRIED AS HE HEARD A LOUD NOISE IN THE BACKGROUND THROUGH THE EARPIECE ON THE PHONE, THE BOSS ASKED, 'WHAT IS THAT NOISE?'
' A HELICOPTER ' ANSWERED THE WHISPERING VOICE.
'WHAT IS GOING ON THERE?' DEMANDED THE BOSS, NOW TRULY APPREHENSIVE.
AGAIN, WHISPERING, THE CHILD ANSWERED, ' THE SEARCH TEAM
JUST LANDED A HELICOPTER .'
ALARMED, CONCERNED AND A LITTLE FRUSTRATED THE BOSS ASKED, 'WHAT ARE THEY SEARCHING FOR?'
STILL WHISPERING, THE YOUNG VOICE REPLIED WITH A MUFFLED GIGGLE... ' ME .'
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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