HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 11 VOL 12
JULY 11TH 2008
WEATHER; HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 74/97 DEGREES
WE CHECKED THE REST OF THE TURN SIGNAL BULBS AND FOUND 2 MORE BURNED ON THE TURN ELIMENT SIDE! WE STILL HAVEN’T FOUND THE FLASHER! THE MECHANIC AT HOYTE’S SAID HE PUT THE FLASHER WE FURNISHED IN BUT, THE BLISTER PACK ISN’T COMPLETELY TORN OPEN SO HE COULDN’T HAVE, HE PROBABLY COULDN’T FIND THE FLASHER LOCATION EITHER! ALL HE SAID WAS IT’S THE MULTI-SWITCH AND WOULD COST ANOTHER $272.50 PARTS AND LABOR TO REPLACE IT BUT THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE TO ORDER THE SWITCH! I TOLD THEM TO FORGET IT! I’VE NEVER HAD A CAR WITH A FLASHER SO HARD TO FIND? THEY’RE USUALLY RIGHT OUT WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM BUT FOR SOME REASON CHRYSLER DOESN’T WANT ANYONE TO FIND IT IN THIS CAR!
I NEED TO GET UP TO R&D AND TAKE A LOOK AT ONE OF THE 93-97 INTREPIDS WITH THE DASH HANGING LOOSE AND SEE IF I CAN SEE THE FLASHER LOCATION! I CAN’T GET UNDER THE DASH BUT I’D BET IT’S UP ON TOP OF A BRACE NEAR THE BRAKE PEDAL AND BEING BLACK HARD TO SEE! MOM’S BEEN ON HER BACK TILL IT HURT TRYING TO FIND IT AND SO HAS KELLY! ONE OF THE SERVICE WRITERS AT HOYTES SAID HE THOUGHT IT WAS UNDER THE PASSENGERS SIDE SO MOM TRIED TO SEE UP UNDER THERE BUT IT HURT HER BACK SO SHE QUIT! SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THIS KIND OF WORK SO WHEN THE ACCLAIM IS DONE WE WON’T BE DOING IT ANYMORE!
WE’RE GOING TO WAIT FOR TIM TO COME UP AND CHECK THE RUNNING OF THE INTREPID BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING WITH IT! MAYBE HE’LL FIND THE FLASHER AT THE SAME TIME!
I’M GOING TO PULL THE COVERS OFF THE STEERING COLUMN SO I CAN SEE THE MULTI-SWITCH! IF IT IS THE PROBLEM AND I CAN’T REPAIR IT WHEN I’M DONE NO BODY WILL BE ABLE TOO! THEN I’LL GET ONE FROM R&D ALONG WITH A RIGHT HEADLIGHT AND RIGHT PARKING LENSE IF WE GET THE CAR RUNNING AND SHIFTING RIGHT SO WE CAN SELL IT!
LIFE AFTER DEATH
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
"YES, SIR." THE EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU."
GEORGE AND THE JOB IN THE LUMBER CAMP
GEORGE APPLIED FOR A JOB AT A LUMBER CAMP THE INTERVIEWER ASKED GEORGE IF HE WAS A COOK? WELL, I DID A LITTLE COOKING IN THE ARMY SAID GEORGE FINE THEN YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT A WELL COOKED MEAL IS TO HARD WORKING MEN LIKE OUR LUMBERJACKS? SAID THE INTERVIEWER, WHEN CAN YOU START!
GEORGE IS OVER WHELMED, HOW ABOUT TODAY? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE DINNER READY FOR THE DAY CREW WHEN THEY COME IN AT 4:30 THIS AFTERNOON? GEORGE LOOKED AT HIS WATCH, IT WAS 7 AM! YES, I THINK I CAN HANDLE THAT! I BETTER TELL YOU, THE MEN LIKE MEAT WITH ALL THEIR MEALS SAID THE INTERVIEWER YOU CAN CHECK THE WALKIN FREEZER! FINE SAYS GEORGE!
GEORGE IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO FIX FOR THE DAY CREW, IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING SPECIAL! NOT STEAK OR HAM OR PORK CHOPS OR CHICKEN OR ANY OF THE OTHER MEATS! AS HE WALKS OUT THE BACK DOOR TO GO HAVE A SMOKE AND RELAX HE SEES A SHEEP TIED UP TO A STAKE! PROBABLY THE OTHER COOK WAS GOING TO FIX IT FOR DINNER! THAT’S IT, I’LL FIX MUTTON STEW FOR THEM SO HE KILLS THE SHEEP AND BLEEDS IT THEN CUTS IT UP FOR THE STEW!
AS THE MEN WALK IN THE DINING ROOM THEY ALL LOOK AROUND AND SAY; MAN SOMETHING REALLY SMELLS GOOD! THE CAMP FORMAN GETS THEIR ATTENTION AND INTRODUCES GEORGE AS THE NEW HEAD COOK! IF WHAT WE SMELL IS ANY INDICATION OF HOW GOOD HE IS HE’S GOT MY VOTE SAYS THE LEAD LIMER! LETS GET TO EATING SAID THE ROUSTABOUT SO GEORGE STARTS LADELING THE STEW INTO THEIR BOWLS! WHAT IS THIS ASK ONE OF THE MEN? MUTTON STEW, ANSWERS GEORGE WITH A SMIRK ON HIS FACE! THEY ALL JUMP UP AND HEAD OUT THE BACK DOOR, WHERS’S SADIE ASKS ONE OF THE MEN HOLDING UP THE EMPTY ROPE! THAT’S WHAT I MADE THE MUTTON STEW OUT OF ANSWERED GEORGE WITH A WORRIED LOOK ON HIS FACE AS THEY ALL GRAB THEIR BROAD AXES! ALL THE LAST COOK DID WAS SCREW UP THE COOKING, THIS ASSHOLE HAS COOKED UP THE SCREWING!
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
No comments:
Post a Comment