HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 6 VOL 12
JULY 6TH 2008
WEATHER; HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 73/95 DEGREES
MOM TOOK THE INTREPID TO CHURCH AND MADE IT HOME WITH JUST THE USUAL PROBLEMS WE’VE BEEN HAVING WITH IT, LOSS OF POWER ON A HILL OR INCLINE!
I’M GOING TO BONHAM VA IN THE MORNING TO TAKE THE SPECIAL PHONE THEY SENT ME THAT HAS AN EXTRA LOUD BUTTON I CAN PUSH SO I CAN HEAR PEOPLE TALKING TO ME! LAST WEEK IT STARTED ACTING UP AND DEVELOPD A LOUD BUZZING! I CHECK EVERYTHING I COULD BUT COULDN’T FIND THE PROBLEM SO I CALLED THE MANUFACTURER AND THEY GAVE ME A LIST IOF THING TO TRY WHICH I DID BUT NOTHING HELPED SO THEY SAID TO TAKE IT BACK TO THE VA AND HAVE THEM SEND IT IN FOR REPAIR OR REPLACEMENT! THEN I CHECKED THE OUTPUT OF THE TRANSFORMER (POWER SUPPLY) THAT PLUGS INTO THE WALL AND IT WAS ONLY PUTTING OUT 5.26 VOLTS BUT ACCORDING TO THE TAG ON THE PHONE IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE PUTTING OUT 9 VOLTS!
MOM WENT TO RADIOSHACK AND GOT A VARIABLE POWER SUPPLY THAT PUTS OUT UP TO 12 VOLTS SO I SET IT AT 9 VOLTS AND PLUGGED IT IN, IT MADE A LITTLE DIFFERENCE BUT IT STILL HAD THE LOUD BUZZ AND ONE OF THE RED LIGHTS KEEPS COMING ON THAT TELLS WHEN THE PHONE IS IN USE EVEN WHEN IT’S NOT! SO, BACK IT GOES! I’LL JUST HAVE TO USE ANOTHER PHONE WE HAD IN THE BEDROOM THAT I CAN HEAR ON PRETTY GOOD TILL THEY GET MINE BACK TO ME1
ON THE WAY BACK FROM BONHAM WE’LL STOP AT AUTO-ZONE AND PICK UP THE PARTS FOR THE ACCLAIM SO WHEN KELLY’S READY FOR THEM THEY’LL BE HERE!
WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PHONE STORE WITH MOMS CELL PHONE, IT WON’T TURN ON! WE’LL TAKE CARE OF ALL THESE THINGS IN ONE TRIP SO WE DON’T HAVE TO DRIVE THE INTREPID TOO MUCH!
DID ANY OF YOU HAPPEN TO WATCH THE “CAPITOL FIREWORK SHOW” ON THE 4TH OF JULY NIGHT? ALL THE ROCKETS GOING OFF BEHING THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT SURE WAS SPECTACULAR! THEY SHOT OFF THOSE ROCKET FOR OVER 30 MINUTES, WHAT A SHOW OF PATRIOTISM AND THE REST OF THE WORLD WONDERS WHAT MAKES THIS COUNTRY SO GREAT? IT’S THE WAY WE DO THINGS LIKE CELEBRATE OUR INDEPENDENCE AND WE DO IT EVERY YEAR NOT JUST ONCE IN A WHILE! WE CELEBRATE MEMORIAL DAY IN A BIG WAY AND LABOR DAY ALONG WITH MANY OTHER HOLIDAYS AND WE ALWAYS DO THEM UP BIG EVEN IF WE ARE IN A RECESSION AND AT WAR, THE PEOPLE IN THE WAR ZONES WANT US TO KEEP THE TRADITIONS ALIVE SO THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF AND TOO COME HOME TO!
HERE’S ONE I USED TO TELL WHEN WE’D BE SETTING AROUND TELLING JOKES!
TWO HILLBILLIES,( WHOOPS)! TWO MOUNTAIN WILLIAMS HAD NEVER BEEN MORE THAN 100 FEET FROM THEIR PLACE OF BIRTH AND WERE TALKING ONE DAY AND DECIDED TO GO TO TOWN LIKE THEIR FRIENDS LUKE AND JEREMY HAD!
THEY HAD NO IDEA HOW FAR IT WAS AND IN WHAT DIRECTION BUT THEY STARTED OUT WALKING THINKING THEY’D GET TO SOME TOWN SOMEDAY!
AS THEY’RE WALKING THROUGH THE WOODS THEY CAME UPON SOME RAILROAD TRACKS AND NOT KNOWING WHAT THEY WERE DECIDED TO FOLLOW THEM TO SEE HERE THEY LED BECAUSE THEY WERE EASY WALKING! AS THEY WENT AROUND A TURN THEY HEARD A TERRIBLE NOISE AND COMING AT THEM WAS A HUGE STEAM BREATHING THING AND THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS! AS THE THING STARTED CATCHING UP TO THEM ONE YELLED AT THE OTHER; “CUT TO THE WOODS, CUT TO THE WOODS!” THE OTHER ONE YELLED BACK, HELL NO, IF WE CAN’T LOSE IT WITH CLEAR RUNNING WE’LL NEVER LOSE IT IN THE WOODS!
HEADLINES
WHEN A VISITOR TO A SMALL TOWN IN GEORGIA CAME UPON A WILD DOG ATTACKING A YOUNG BOY, HE QUICKLY GRABBED THE ANIMAL AND THROTTLED IT WITH HIS TWO HANDS.
A REPORTER SAW THE INCIDENT, CONGRATULATED THE MAN AND TOLD HIM THE HEADLINE THE FOLLOWING DAY WOULD READ, "VALIANT LOCAL MAN SAVES CHILD BY KILLING VICIOUS ANIMAL."
THE HERO TOLD THE JOURNALIST THAT HE WASN'T FROM THAT TOWN.
"WELL, THEN," THE REPORTER SAID, "THE HEADLINE WILL PROBABLY SAY, 'GEORGIA MAN SAVES CHILD BY KILLING DOG'."
"ACTUALLY," THE MAN SAID, "I'M FROM CONNECTICUT."
"IN THAT CASE," THE REPORTER SAID IN A HUFF, "THE HEADLINE WILL READ, 'YANKEE KILLS FAMILY PET'."
THAT’S “30 FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
No comments:
Post a Comment