HOWARD’S DAILY CHRONICLE
NUMBER 10 COL 12
JULY 10TH 2008
WEATHER; HOT, HIGH HUMIDITY, 73/96 DEREES
WE WENT TO TOWN TODAY TO PICK UP A TURN SIGNAL LIGHT BULB FOR THE INTREPID! WE PUT IT IN WHILE AT AUTO ZONE BUT IT DIDN’T HELP SO WE TOOK THE CAR TO HOYTE DODGE IN SHERMAN! WHEN I TALKED TO BRAD LEWIS THE MAN I USUALLY DEAL WITH I TOLD HIM THREE OF US TRIED TO FIND THE FLASHER UNDER THE DASHBOARD BUT COULDN’T AND COULD HE HAVE SOMEONE PLEASE FIND IT AND CHANGE IT OUT, I TOLD HIM THERE WAS A NEW FLASHER ON THE FRONT FLOOR OF THE CAR! WE EXPECTED TO PAY TO FIND OUT WHERE THE FLASHER IS AND FOR PUTTING OUR FLASHER IN! THEN I ASKED HIM WHAT THE COST WAS TO HAVE THE CAR PUT ON THEIR ANALYZER AND HE SAID ½ HOUR, $42.50 AND I TOLD MOM AND SHE SAID TO GO AHEAD!
THE NEXT THING I KNOW A SERVICE WRITER IS ASKING ME FOR MY NAME AND ADDRESS THEN HE CAME BACK AND SAID THE FLASHER DIDN’T HELP THAT THE PROBLEM IS IN THE MULTI-SWITCH (TURN HIGH BEAM AND WIPER/WASHER SWITCH) AND THE COST WOULD BE $272.00 BUT THEY DIDN’T HAVE A SWITCH SO I TOLD HIM TO FORGET IT AND HE SAID HE’D HAVE THE MAN PUT IT BACK TOGETHER AND TAKE IT TO THE ANALYZER! WE WAITED OVER TWO HOURS AND MOM FINALLY WENT AND ASKED THEM HOW MUCH LONGER? THEY TOLD HER WHEN THEY HOOKED UP THE ANALYZER THE CAR WOULD’T START! THE NEXT THING I KNOW THEY’VE PULLED IT UP OUT SIDE AND TOOK MOM OVER TO THE WINDOW TO PAY, SHE TOLD ME TO GO AHEAD OUT TO THE CAR WHICH I DID! BY THE TIME I GOT TO IT, IT HAD DIED AND I COULDN’T GET IT STARTED! I WENT TO THE SERVICE MANAGER, CHARLIE WEITZ, AND ASKED HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON, I BRING A CAR IN RUNNING FINE AND I GET BACK A CAR THE RUNS LIKE CRAP! HE SAID THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOOK UP THE ANALYZER AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED! THEN THEY START WITH HOW ALL THE WIRING BEHIND THE ENGINE IS BARE AND STUCK TOGETHER AND HAS BEEN BUTCHERED AND BUTT CONNECTED TOGTHER AND WHEN THE TOUCHED THE CAMSHAFT POSITIONING SENSOR IT WENT DEAD! THERE’S MORE BUT I’LL STOP FOR NOW! I’M WRITING A LETTER TO HOYTE TELLING HIM JUST WHAT I’VE WRITTEN HERE ONLY MORE!
KELLY’S PISSED, HE SAYS THEY DID SOMETHING UNDER THE HOOD, HE DROVE THE CAR FOR 4 DAYS AND MOM AND I HAVE TAKEN IT TO BONHAM AND TO SHERMAN 2-3 TIMES AND TODAY IT RAN FINE EXCEPT THE LOSING SPEED ON HILLS! HE’ SAID HE WOULD TRY TO HAVE THE ACCLAIM DONE TOMORROW, WE WON’T PUSH HIM!
MOM WANTS TO SELL THE INTREPID FOR SCRAP AND MAYBE WE WILL AFTER I FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED! THE ONLY REASON I HAD THEM PUT THE ANALYZER ON THE CAR WAS BECAUSE OF THE LOSING SPEED ON HILLS! I THOUGHT MAYBE THEY COULD GIVE ME A CLUE AS TO WHY THIS IS HAPPENING! I DID DRIVE THE CAR HOME FROM SHERMAN BUT ON 3-4 CYLINDERS! I’D HAVE TO GET IT IN PASSING GEAR TO MAINTAIN 60-65 MPH BUT IT DID IT AND ON A FLAT SURFACE I COULD LIFT MY FOOT AND IT WOULD SHIFT INTO OVERDRIVE TILL WE HIT AND INCLINE!
TEN WAYS TO REALIZE YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION IS A LITTLE SLOW
- TEXT ON WEB PAGES DISPLAY AS MORSE CODE.
- GRAPHICS ARRIVE VIA FEDEX.
- YOU BELIEVE A HEAVIER STRING MIGHT IMPROVE YOUR THROUGHPUT
- YOU POST A MESSAGE TO YOUR FAVORITE NEWSGROUP AND IT DISPLAYS A WEEK LATER.
- YOUR CREDIT CARD EXPIRES WHILE ORDERING ON-LINE. - PLAYBOY WEB SITE EXHIBITS "PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR"...FOR 1989.
- YOU'RE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF DOWNLOADING THAT POPULAR NEW GAME, "PING PONG".
- EVERYONE YOU TALK TO ON THE 'NET PHONE' SOUNDS LIKE FORREST GUMP.
- YOU RECEIVE E-MAILS WITH STAMPS ON THEM.
- YOU CLICK THE "SEND" BUTTON, A LITTLE DOOR OPENS ON THE SIDE OF YOUR MONITOR AND A PIGEON FLIES OUT.
SURPRISING ANSWER
A VERY SHY GUY GOES INTO A BAR AND SEES A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SITTING AT THE BAR. AFTER AN HOUR OF GATHERING UP HIS COURAGE, HE FINALLY GOES OVER TO HER AND ASKS, TENTATIVELY, "UM, WOULD YOU MIND IF I CHATTED WITH YOU FOR A WHILE?"
SHE RESPONDS BY YELLING, AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS, "NO! I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT!" EVERYONE IN THE BAR IS NOW STARING AT THEM. NATURALLY, THE GUY IS HOPELESSLY AND COMPLETELY EMBARRASSED AND HE SLINKS BACK TO HIS TABLE.
AFTER A FEW MINUTES, THE WOMAN WALKS OVER TO HIM AND APOLOGIZES. SHE SMILES AT HIM AND SAYS, "I'M SORRY IF I EMBARRASSED YOU. YOU SEE, I'M A GRADUATE STUDENT IN PSYCHOLOGY, AND I'M STUDYING HOW PEOPLE RESPOND TO EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS."
TO WHICH HE RESPONDS, AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?"
THAT’S “30” FOR THIS ISSUE.
HOWARD
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